Willie's World

New Family Value Rules

2012-01-25T00:39:00.003-05:00

Oh the evangelicals I just love the crap out of them. I was reading that they came out in big numbers in South Carolina for Newt Gingrich. And this after it was reported, from one of his ex wife (I don't know which one,there has been so many.)that as he was having a affair with a women,his current wife, he asked her if she would allow a open marriage. I guess they must have changed the rules to be in the club. I wonder if they would have been so forgiving if Mr Gingrich was a Democrat. Hummmmmm I wonder.

Some of the new rules for the family values people.

1.It's OK to have a wife and a girl friend as long as you go to church on Sunday. We forgive anything, that is if you are a conservative.

2.It's OK to have a sexual relations with a animal, as long as it has a christian name. Anahera,Anahira,Anjelica and Caritas to name just a few. And of course they have to be female. It would be blasphemous to have sex with a male animal, that homosexual thing.

3.You can lie,cheat as long as it is done to promote the the far right.

4.We are getting away from the teachings of Jesus, in that we could give a big crap about the poor. One teaching of Jesus throughout his life was to take care of the poor. This message is outdated, it's all about making the rich more rich. Those poor people should just shut up and get a job. You can't make it on 20,000 a year for a family of 4. Quit living high on the hog.

5.We are giving most of our money to the pastors of the mega churches. Because they have a direct line to God.

Televangelist Kenneth Copeland, who runs Kenneth Copeland Ministries.His wages were $364,577 in 1995.Copeland's wife, Gloria, earned $292,593.

John Hagee, Senior Pastor of Cornerstone Church in San Antonio, Texas. Was known to be the highest-paid nonprofit executive in San Antonio, making nearly $1 million a year.

Evangelist Benny Hinn. Hinn said in a 1997 CNN interview that he earned between $500,000 and $1 million each year.

Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California, has made tens millions of dollars off his books, such as "A Purpose Driven Life." He's made so much that, in 2005, he returned 25 years of salary to the church and stopped accepting new paychecks. Warren and his wife say they are "reverse tithers" who give away 91 percent of their income to charity and live off nine percent.
The above facts were taken from the Huffington Post.

6. And last but not least God bless everyone except the liberals who are way to touchy feely with those other kinds of so called other people.

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Cleaning the Crap Off Your Shoes with Evil

2012-01-23T19:39:00.003-05:00

Push down, scrap the crap off of you shoe and then pull up.

Push down, scrap the crap off of you shoe and then pull up.

Push down, scrap the crap off of you shoe and then pull up.

That's not a square dance call it's Evils new mantra for her spin class this morning. It's first period in Mrs Evils spin class school. Oh yes, she is now teaching us how to peddle the bikes correctly. What's next.

" Next week I am going to teach all you morons how to wipe the sweat off of your face. No.....no...... left to right not right to left. What, were you brought up by a pack of wolves!"

Now I know it sounds strange but at the end of the workout, it was actually making peddling easier. I wouldn't tell her this, but when it comes to training she has got her shit together. But I would never let her hear that, with her overblown ego she probably couldn't get her cool bicycle hat on her big head.

So the workout was good with most of the regulars and one interloper there, who quit about 10 minutes into the workout. Too tough for you Mr. Interloper.

Tune in next week and hear Evil say:

I am going to show you all how to apply Anti Monkey Butt Powder. OK everybody, pull your pants down. Now................

Sunday Funnies

2012-01-22T00:48:00.002-05:00

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
　
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
　
"I'm dying here and you're putting?" "Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.
　
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
　
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."

Spin Class and the Return of Timmy

2012-01-19T09:32:00.002-05:00

Your pal once again stepped up to the plate and did a great spin class tod......

Timmy

"Not another spin class post Uncle Willie. Haven't you moved on to other topics for Christ sakes?"

Uncle Willie

"Timmy is that you, I haven't heard from you in about 2 years. Where have you been. And you look terrible."

Timmy "

Oh don't play dumb you know where I was because you arranged it."

Uncle Willie

"What ever are you talking about Timmy."

Timmy

"You sold me to this rug merchant from Uzbekistan who had me making rugs 20 hours a day. The rest of the day I had to pretend that I was Chippendale end table with a lamp and candy dish on my head."

Uncle Willie

"Rococo or Gothic Timmy?"

Timmy "

That's not the point. You sold me into slavery because I was getting on you for too many spin class posts."

Uncle Willie

"I did it for your own good so you could make something of yourself. And I think I accomplished that, in that you were a Chippendale end table for a time. That's something. It could have been worst, you could have ended up a Ikea Klingsbo side table."

Timmy

"What are you talking about, that's crazy. You sold me into servitude. That's cruel and inhuman."

Uncle Willie

Moving right along. You know what I grow tiered of you Timmy. Guards take the boy back to the living room, our guests have no place to set their drink down on at tonight's party."

Now where was I........ As I was setting up for my class I realized that I had left the sheet of paper with the workout at home. I always attach the workout to a clipboard and the clipboard is very important, it indicates that your pal is in charge. With out the clipboard there could be kayos.

I told the class that I was going to wing it. Someone in the back piped up and said

"Why should we trust you. You don't have a clipboard."

After I had that person removed we started the class. This ride I used my favorite decade the 80's for the music. And as the routine went along I started to ask the class if they knew who was singing the song I was playing. The first song was a little obscure 'Love Plus One' by Haircut 100. I have never seen so many blank faces in the crowd and no answers. Ok, on to a little more main stream song, High on You' by Survivor. people started to shout out there guess.....the Beatles.......DOA.......Luciano Pavarotti. Some one please puncture my eardrum with a pencil. No,no,no! OMG what is going on here. And it's not like the class is filled with 20 year olds.

Oh well I made it, but I made a point of warning that there will be test next Wedneday.......60's music.

"I love 60's music, my favorite group are the Mills Brothers." one of the riders shouted out.

Where is that pencil.

Evils New Test......And I Did Not Study

2012-01-16T18:19:00.002-05:00

As I approached the Y today for spin class I was feeling a little strange. It was not the anticipation of what new dastardly trick Evil had up her evil sleeve, no it was that it was 9 degrees and I was wearing shorts. After I got through the door of the Y, a calmness seem to spill over me. Because of the cold and wearing shorts, I had been walking on my toes, also my testicles had returned to their normal position and not nesting in my upper body for warmth.

As I entered the workout room and look for my ride, I noticed that Mrs. Evil, the spinning schoolmarm, was handing out yellow sheets of paper and a pen. Oh god it looks like a test again. My testicles started hide and I was getting a little nervous about what was about to happen.

This pass week I had really been more active then usual with alot tennis and spin class, and was feeling a little tired. So seeing Mrs. Evil with the yellow paper and talking to everyone, explaining what she was going to do today, I knew it was going to be hell.

Mrs Evil has bee on a kick lately and training us all for this springs out of doors biking season. It all works around a timed ride while checking your heart rate to maximise your power and work efficiently.

So as I knew it would be very taxing,I readyed the defibrillator and as it turned out, I only had to use it twice, I made it once again.

Mrs. Evil has really gone and kicked it up another notch. Before the ride she made it a point that if SHE did not see you working hard enough SHE was going to personally go to your ride and add more tension. She is getting scary....me thinks. She stayed away from my ride because she knows that I am the spinmeister general and need no extra tension because I am working the hardest out of everyone. Except for maybe Mary

The classes are now full as everyone is made that resolution to lose that extra 200 pounds. A nice surprise today was that one of the regulars came to class after not being there for a while. It was Heidi who use to be a regular but is now on her way to interloper status. But she will always be a regular to your pals mind.

Heidi walked into the class as it was beginning and Mrs.Evil announced it to the other riders. "Hey look everyone it's Heidi." And the reaction from the crowd was deafening. And I do mean deafening, in that no one said a word. It was like,"Yea who the hell is she." Well I was glad to see her anyway.

All and all it was a good workout and seeing Heidi was just the cherry on top of the sunday. Now what is going to come from Mrs. Evil the next time......I hope it's not one of the testicles lifting rides.

Sunday Funnies

2012-01-15T00:32:00.001-05:00

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s bloody pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?

I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!
“God loves drunk people too you know.”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..

Well Does He?

2012-01-12T06:34:00.002-05:00

For the Birds

2012-01-11T06:33:00.000-05:00

A Post That Did Not Make It on Time But Since I Have Got Nothing I'm Giving You This Out of Date Post

2012-01-09T07:06:00.001-05:00

The scariest phrase I read today was 'Santorum Momentum'. Now I don't think those knuckleheads who love this guy will push him to be the candidate. But if they do it would be great for the president. But in the back of my head there is always a scary place where it could happen, and this God loving gay hating fool could squeak into the white house. George Bush was our president, enough said.

santorum (san-TOR-um) n.
1. The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter
that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex.

Sunday Funnies

2012-01-08T00:28:00.001-05:00

A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot. The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower. "Help! Help!" The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?" The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!" The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know
you're upside down?" "Because the shit is running down my back!"

Lords of the Dance.........I Think

2012-01-06T13:57:00.000-05:00

TCM Remembers 2011

2012-01-03T08:14:00.000-05:00

One of the years many tributes was from Turner Movie Classics channel. It was a montage of people in the entertainment business who had died in 2011. TMC always does a great job in these tributes and with the 2011 they really hit the mark. The music, by the group OK Sweetheart,and the movie clips made this really wonderful.

Simpson's Great Line

2012-01-02T10:43:00.000-05:00

One of the best lines from the Simpson's. Homer to Bart when Homer was trying to console Lisa, Bart interrupts Homer and he replies.
"I am trying to be a sensitive father you unwanted moron."

Sunday Funnies

2012-01-01T00:09:00.002-05:00

An Indian tracker is taking some pioneers through the plains in the mid-1800's. Suddenly he stops and points. "Bear have babies." He says.
One of the younger pioneers runs up and asks, "How'd you know that!?."
"I know these things," replied the Indian.
They continue their journey, and a little while later the Indian stops, points, and says, "deer tracks."
"How'd you know that!?" asks the young pioneer once again.
"I know these things."
After another hour of journeying, the Indian jumps of his horse and puts his ear to the ground. "Buffalo come."
"How'd you know that!?"
"Ear wet."

Celebrity Sighting

2011-12-29T10:09:00.000-05:00

Last night as I was leaving the tennis facility in Rockport,I was standing at the desk, running my mouth as usual, and what do my wondering eyes should appear,but a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer. Just kidding, it was John Travolta. That's right Vinnie Barbarino himself. I have been hearing for years of Travolta sightings in the area. He and his family have a home on the island of Ilseboro, or as the Penobscot Indians called it Pitaubegwimenahanuk.

Any way as soon as I spotted him I yelled out "Hey Barbarino, for get about it." He just look at me like I was some kind of a nut,your pal a nut no way. He then just turned away and ignored me. Well I don't give up that easily.

"Hey Bud where is Sissy?" A reference to his urban cowboy movie role.

He did not even turn around. Now I am getting a little annoyed, so I pull out the big guns.

I screamed "Hey Tony Manero, would ya just watch the hair. Ya know, I work on my hair a long time and you hit it. He hits my hair."

Oh baby I am on a roll now, he has to come over and talk to me. He just turned around and stared at me for a good long time. So I pull out my favorite scene from 'Get Shorty'. So I yelled even louder "Hey Chili Palmer remember these lines!"

Let me explain something to you. Momo is dead. Which means that everything he had now belongs to Jimmy Cap, including you. Which also means, that when I speak, I speak for Jimmy. E.g., from now on, you start showing me the proper fucking respect.

"E.g." means "for example". What I think you want to say is "I.e.".

Bullshit! That's short for "ergo".

Ask your man.

To the best of my knowledge, "e.g." means "for example".

E.g., i.e., fuck you! The point is this: is that, When I say "jump", you say "OK", okay

That did it, he comes charging at me with this crazy look on his face, not the Bubble Boy look, but the look from Broken Arrow, kind of crazy. He leaps on my back and we are now wrestling on the ground. A crowd is starting to surround us as he grabs my neck and is chocking me. I am starting to lose consciousness, when someone pulls Travolta off of me. As I stagger to my feet I look him in the eye as he is being held back all red faced and mad as hell and say "Can I have your autograph?".

All that is not what happened. Travolta did come to the tennis center last night but I did not say a thing to him. I don't bother celebrities, I think they need their privacy and would never approach one. But if I was that type of person, I hope it would play out like my story. That would be something.

From August 2007........Mutant Giraffe at Our Borders

2011-12-28T06:39:00.001-05:00

This is a very strange story of a mutant giraffe and the problems of crossing over the border from Canada. Now the problems didn't arise because a giraffe can't drive or even that they could even get a licence, or that someone would even give them a permit to learn how to drive. It's that he has stuffed in his truck a sawed off shot gun hidden in a box of stuffed animals. Yes it true a big goofy mutant giraffe concealing a sawed off shotgun, 12 gauge I believe. And he had other mutant giraffe's in his truck, but they knew nothing of the shotgun. As they moved closer to the border crossing he started to sweat, and it became harder and harder to swallow. And being a giraffe it is very hard, considering the length of his neck. As the guard came up to the truck, and asked him to roll down the window. He could hardly get the window down, as he was nervous, and he was a giraffe not use to rolling down windows. My next truck I'm getting automatic windows he thought.

" Have you got any fruits, vegetables or plants in this vehicle?" the guard said.

"No sir" the giraffe replied.

So the border guard started to walk around the truck, and spotted the box full of stuffed animals.

What's that? aay?" he said.

"Just a box of stuffed animals' the giraffe said.

"Lets have a look see aay" the guard said.

So the giraffe unhooks his seat belt , giraffes are very safety minded, and climbs out of the truck. He had such a hard time holding the keys, nervousness and the giraffe thing again. As he tried to open the back of the truck the key wouldn't fit. As much as he tried it wouldn't open. The guard tried but it wouldn't work for him either. While this was going on traffic was building up behind this truck. The guard, started to get a little up tight about the traffic, finally saying to the giraffe.

"OK get out of here !"

So with sigh of relief, the giraffe jumped back in the truck, and was about to drive off, when the guard approached the window again and said

"Your not from around here are you?"

"No I'm from Detroit" the giraffe said.

"I also noticed that you have a monkeys head" the guard said.

"We'll I am a mutant" the giraffe said with a big smile on his monkey face.

They all had a good laugh and promised that they would write. As the giraffe pulled away all he could think about is why he would cross the border with a sawed off shotgun hidden in a box of stuffed toys. But as often happens, that thought left his brain in a millisecond, as thoughts often due for a mutant giraffe. As the group drove towards Detroit they all had a good laugh.

"Can you believe that guard saying that I had just a monkey head.

"Yea, jokes on him it's a prehensile monkey head."

They all laughed till there giraffe stomachs hurt. Mutant giraffe, you see, don't have the best sense of humor.

One Favorite From Beatles

2011-12-27T09:59:00.000-05:00

Happy Holiday

2011-12-25T00:28:00.009-05:00

Once again we celebrate the birth of Santa Claus, in a manger, this day at the North Pole. The manger, in a toy shop, was surrounded by the three elves bearing toys that they had made. Also there was all of the 8 reindeer, plus one, with a rosacea problem (Some people even said it glowed.) So let's remember what we are celebrating this December 25Th, the hope that some day there will be peace on this small planet.

And one of the happiest Christmas song of all time.

A Bad Name

2011-12-23T10:26:00.000-05:00

Sweaty Balls a Special Treats

2011-12-22T00:01:00.001-05:00

Just Found This.............Funny

2011-12-21T00:11:00.003-05:00

Holiday (Sorry Fox) Spin Party

2011-12-19T16:01:00.000-05:00

This pass Saturday I had my 2nd annual spin people spin Christmas party. Most of the people who were invited showed up. Ans what was really nice was that everyone brought their mate. It was nice meeting the other half of their team. There was Evil who brought her husband, Dr. Evil who was a very nice guy and top it off he is a big Zappa fan. Yea for Dr. Evil.

Dede and Mark were in the house, a couple of good people. Mary and her husband Peter, who are polar opposites. Peter is very laid back and Mary is shot out of a cannon. My bud Jim, smartest man in my world, and his wife Nancey who makes a great cookie. Also at the party were a couple of non-spinners, Kate a very best friend for years and new best friends Dorrie and Tom.

Back to the spinners and mate, There was Pat and her husband Jim who is 10 feet tall. Barb and her husband John who I knew from playing tennis together, but did not know he was married to Barbara.....Surprise! A new friend came, Mac who is and interesting guy who is a boat builder and musician. Then there was Heidi(nicest person in the world) and her husband Chris.

Then there was Kristi who is a dynamo of energy. The is a swimmer and long distant bike rider. She has got a lot of energy. Then last but not least one of the best ,the other Wendy and her husband Dick, both lovely interesting people. Well that's the line up.

I think it was a great party with all these different people from different kinds of backgrounds enjoying each other.

At he end there was only the hardcore people left over.

Kate mildly intoxicated.
Monica water drinker and co host.
Dorrie straight arrow, designated driver for Tom.
Mark semi intoxicated.
Dede intoxicated.
Tom intoxicated.
Your pal at the edge of falling into the abyss.
And the new champion of our party, Mary, smashed. And Mary did not have a shot of Patron like the rest of the knuckleheads.

All in all not one person was hurt by attending of this get together. I can't wait till next year to find out who will be our new champion.

Since I did not take any peictures at the party I will use my one evening art class to paint a picture of the people there.

Sunday Funnies

2011-12-18T00:04:00.001-05:00

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principals office. He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his private parts hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, shed come and pick me up from school."

What's Going on in the World

2011-12-16T07:27:00.001-05:00

This is a post about what is going on in the world lately. First of all there is the Republican debates, in which the clear winner seems to be Tim Tebow.

And in the news today the lost of Christopher Hitchens after a long illness. And at bedside at the time of death was Tim Tebow.

A investigation that lasted more than two years singled out Sheriff Joe Arpaio as helping to nurture his department’s “culture of bias” in Arizona was first brought to the forefront by Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow.

And lastly, one religious scholar has discovered that, believe it or not, the the first name for the baby Jesus was, you guessed it, Tim Tebow.

Go Broncos on Sunday.

The Grinch Ride and A Note to Lowes

2011-12-15T08:08:00.001-05:00

I ran a really great spin class this Wednesday, I call the ride "Grinch workout". And the reaction I got was tremendous, people just loved it. I never got a reaction to the music that I got from this ride. People would come up to me after the ride and comment. Things like "You need to take this ride out to the public, they all need to do this." Or one of my favorites "You are a God". Eat your heart out Evil one. What are you going to do on Monday girl friend?

I'm just kidding I did not do a Grinch ride because if I did our gal would probably kick your pal right in his special area. She let me know this because I had done a blues Christmas ride on Friday ahead of her blues ride on Monday. Buy the way my Wednesday ride was super cool and yes I am a spin god.

Changing the subject, I dashed off a email to Lowes for their removal of there commercials on the TLC show 'All-American Muslim'. The reason they removed it was because of the outrage from a Florida religious group, Florida Family Association. John Stewart can give you the crazy resonating behind this groups problem with the show better then I.

Holy Crap A Conservitive I Like

2011-12-14T00:26:00.003-05:00

I have alway liked David Frum, and he is a conservative WTF. He is a thinker and usally he makes his points with out all the bullshit. This is the type a guy we need out there giving the conservitive viewpoint, as crazy as it is.

In the same vain "The lost art of democratic debate."

Christmas Blues Spin Class

2011-12-13T00:59:00.002-05:00

This morning is the time that I step over to the dark side, at the Y. It is the special time I spend with our gal Evil. Yes that pint sized purveyor of peddling pain, ERSG. And today she did not disappoint.It was her pre-holiday ride. It was her "Blues" ride, consisting of some Christmas blues.

Just before we started the workout and was doing some stretching. My ex pal Dede piped up and said" Evil,you know that Willie did a holiday ride on Friday using all blues music." Well cut my legs off and call me shorty,she flip out. Oh and she went on and on and on.............thanks Dede.

My ADD just kicked in. While writing this I am also watching a movie from 1955 called 'A Bullet for Joey'. It stars are Edward G Robinson and George Raft. There was just a murder committed by a organ grinder. Edward G is a copper, and he has the police pull in all the organ grinders in town and there are tons of them and they are all Italian as well. That must be a swell town. OK back to the workout.

After the flip out our gal got to it. She said last week that she was going to do this ride and that it was going to be a lite carefree ride with hardly any pain.........right. Well she wasn't quite up front about that. It was really hard and at the end I was breathing like Lassie after running 10 miles to tell Timmy or for you older folks Jeff, that grandpa has just fallen down the well. And to top that off, the bike I had today had a seat that felt like it was made of plywood. My ass was bright red,just like those baboons with the giant red and purple butts that you see on Animal Planet.

Well once again we all pulled through. And the class was full with mostly regulars and a couple of semi-interlopers. Next week our gal has got another Xmas ride only this time it's going to be light and it will be as painless as pulling out all of your teeth with a pair of pliers........Oh boy.

Jennifer Aniston

2011-12-12T00:54:00.017-05:00

Jennifer Aniston is every thing to everyone. I don't get it,but that's just me. In a article this morning she was named 'Sexiest Woman Of All Time'. That will be added to her lists of many accolades.

Best hair every since the beginning of time.

The most perfect body shape.

The best actress ever in movies that nobody remembers.

Most beautiful person on the TV hit 'Friends'.

Most perfect smelling breath of any human......ever.

Best smelling farts of all time.

Women with the least amount of ear wax.

Voted 'Lease offensive burps from a sexy women'.

The best girl friend of Brad Pitt.

Voted the most perfect naval(belly button).

Has never had smelly feet.

Has never sneezed, while having a cold, and had a booger hanging from her nose.

Voted 'The person who, in a quite environment, can pee with out making a sound'.

Has never picked her nose.

Has had sex, but is still a virgin.

Voted most popular by the Pope. Jesus came in second.

And last but not least........ Her shit does not stink.

Sunday Funnies

2011-12-11T07:47:00.001-05:00

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, You Can Be THE Man of Your House.

Finding new courage that he never knew he had, he stormed into thekitchen and announced to his wife, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is the 'Law.'You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, bring it to me, and when I am done eating my meal, you will clear the dishes and serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with meand we will make love the way I want!Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will put on soothing music, wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. You will massage my feet and hands to relieve any last bit of tension sothat I can sleep like a baby. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess, unless I have your ass cremated."

Why Are Fart So Funny

2011-12-10T00:51:00.002-05:00

All your answers are HERE

A Message from the King of Kepler-22b

2011-12-07T06:35:00.003-05:00

I am looking to be the first citizen of Kepler=22b. The one fly in the ointment is that it is 600 light years away.I am still working on that part in my basement lab after spin class and on the weekends. Kepler-22b is a planet with earth-like characteristics discovered by the Kepler spacecraft. And what amazing coincidence to discover a planet with the same name as the spacecraft......go figure.

Kepler-22b has several Earth-like characteristics one being, its temperature is around 72 degrees Fahrenheit. Sounds good to me as one of the first laws I will institute when I am king is that the planet will be pant less. That's right no pants for anyone. This will, for the males anyway, eliminate all small talk with potential mates, as all it takes is a gaze downward to know if there is a attraction. One plus for gals is that they could use that area as a so called fur covered billboard welcome mat, signaling their availability or not. This could really work on Kepler-22 in that it would speed up re population.

To promote good will for all my Kepler-22b-ites, I would pass a law that every person would be given a puppy. They are so lovable and who could resist these little balls of fur.Our puppy's will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage. They will make us all on Kepler-22b better people.

After the puppy's reach maturity they will be picked up,slaughtered and recycled into a renewable food source called "Uncle Willie's Puppy Meat or Pupaloney".....yum puppylicious. Then you start the process all over with your new puppy.

That's only a couple of the ideas I have for the new world. Oh yes it will be good to be the king.............Oh yea, and no Fox News.

Confirmed.......... Evil is Really Trying to Kill Us.

2011-12-06T00:46:00.000-05:00

I know that I have written in the pass about how I think our gal Evil is trying to kill off the senior riders in her class, but I think she really is this time. She has been on this kick lately about trying to get us all to peak in the spring when we can bike out side. Well I will be peaking, but my peak will be in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Everyone in class is working at the max. My legs, by the time the workout is over, are screaming. I can hardly finish the workout with all that noise coming from my legs. Well anyway as we are putting away the bikes, people just look at each other and raise their eyebrows all red faced with tongues hanging out of their mouths. It's been a real hard workout for the last 3 weeks.

I have been noticing that our gal has this strange grin on her face as she ramps up the routine. She is really enjoying our suffering. I think she would have made a good prison guard.

Well every thing worked out, there were no casualties and we all made it....... this time.

On a unrelated topic, I went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt. Do you think I should change dentists?

Eating

2011-12-05T00:59:00.001-05:00

For my wife and i Thanksgiving is finally over. That's right it's December and we have finally finished off the last of the Thanksgiving dinner. Friday night I had the last of the Turkey soup. A couple of days before we threw out what was left of a couple of pies.

If I had followed my mothers creed from my youth, we should have sent therm to China. We would always have to finish everything on our plate, my brother and I, at every meal.....hello eating disorder. That was really a big problem because my mother, may she rest in peace, was not a very good cook in our younger years. My brother and I were chowing down on dishes like gravy yard stew, tuna casserole with soggy potato chips on top.......yum my stomach is churning as I write this. And I don't want to leave out the liver, cooked so there was no moisture left in the shoe leather like meat product.

My brother had the worst of it all as he was a very fussy eater. He would, all through the meal just push his food from one side of the plate to the other. My father from time to time would make him sit at the table till he finished everything on his plate. My brother spent a lot of time sitting at the dinner table.

I found out later on in life, that he would shove the food he did not like in his mouth and store it like a chipmunk. He would asked to be excused from the table, head to the bathroom, where he would deposit the ill tasting morsels.

My brother had a tough time at the dinner table, and I wasn't any help. I would eat anything and everything or as a friend use to say "Would eat the balls off of a skunk." And that was just a saying and no I would not eat the balls off of a skunk..........unless they were sauteed in a butter sauce, shallots in a wine reduction. Buon appetito.

Sunday Funnies

2011-12-04T00:29:00.001-05:00

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large
plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every
once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are
$20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back
and see if I can find them.. Thanks for telling me officer."

Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that
money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right
next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot
hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick
me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make
the best of it?

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with
my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my
fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give
me $20, or off it comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good
luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."

Sports Illustrated

2011-12-03T06:08:00.001-05:00

This year my wife's uncle pass a way. He had a couple of magazine subscriptions and one of them was Sports Illustrated. So I had it delivered to our Maine address and I just love this magazine. I use to be a real big sports fan but that has waed over the years. I still follow it but only half heartedly. But with the subscription to Sports Illustrated it has renewed my interest in many sports. The writing is great and the stories are really compelling.

A couple of quotes that I found in the magazine from sports figures I thought were good are:
"To ansewer your question, I'm not going to answer that question...Anybody else got a question?".........Mark Richt Georgia football coach.

"I haven't been paying attention beause it's not really my business. I come to play. When you ain't got no job, you've got to find something else to do. So I've been trying to find other things to do.".....Lakers forward Metta World Pease(formerly Ron Artest)

Another little blurb is called, Sign of the apocalypse......A Los Angeles woman last week postponed her 15-year old son's appendectopmy so that she could attend Manny Pacquiao's media day appearance at ta Hollywood gym.

What is the world coming to. If you have any interest in sporst pick up a copy and have a read, you might just like it.

I Could Not Help Myself in Putting This Quote in This Blog

2011-12-01T08:20:00.002-05:00

Yes I know I am getting lazy with the posting, but when I came across this little ditty I just could not help myself........I need help........no I don't....... I was just kidding.

Randy Reynolds, a Canadian, writes a column “Addicting Info.” His recent article called “Understanding The History And Purpose Of FOX News,” appears to take a Canadian point of view and opens:

You’d think a thing like FOX couldn't happen in the United States. Although they’re free to be crazy and free to support the Republican Party, you’d think Americans would be too smart to fall for the made-up outrages, dishonest reporting and relentless appeal to our meaner nature. Unfortunately, many Americans are not as smart as we used to assume: a huge swath of Americans (especially elderly white Southerners) believe FOX is just another news media outlet. They aren't.
What is FOX? Pensitore Review (8-18-09) pulled no punches in answering that question: “ FOX News is indisputably the most popular cable news channel. And yet in 13 years, Fox has never broken a story. That’s okay, because it is not in the news business. It is in the news-shaping business. Its programming is an admixture of right-wing propaganda and fear-porn for feeble-minded paranoiacs, served up by spokesmodels who have no clue what they are reading.”

The Horror of it All............No G Word

2011-11-30T05:57:00.000-05:00

Sunday Funnies

2011-11-27T00:52:00.002-05:00

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, And all the patients were outside shouting, '13...13...13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a Little gap in the planks, so I
looked through to see What was going on...
Somebody poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14...14...14'...

Pepper Spray is Just a Food Product

2011-11-25T07:02:00.000-05:00

I guess you have heard about Fox News Megan Kelly calling pepper spray a food product. Here is a little ditty from Funny or Die taking it a little bit further.

Megyn Kelly Pepper Spray Thanksgiving - watch more funny videos

Happy Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-24T07:17:00.000-05:00

George Carlin
"On Thanksgiving at our house we like variety, so we don't have turkey every year. Last year we had swan. It was nice; everyone got some neck. Another year we had seagull. Delicious! It's a little fishy, but at least there's no need to add salt. . . This year we're expecting a few people over, so we're having flamingo. And I'm getting the leg that folds up. They say the meat is sweeter and more tender because the flamingo doesn't use it much."

Jon Stewart
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Johnny Carson
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

Why Fox News Viewers Don't Know Shit

2011-11-22T08:17:00.002-05:00

This post was lifted from one of my every day reads, News Hounds for the Common Good, who's motto is "We watch Fox so you don't have to."

I have always thought that David Frum was a thoughtful and intelligent pundit for the right. It's not that I agree with what he is saying at times, but he lays out a intelligent position for the "right".

He use to be on Fox news pundit, but after he called Rush Limbaugh out for having way to much power over the Republicans, he was band from the network. This goes hand and hand with a new study that Fox News viewers are less informed than people who don't watch any news, according to a new poll from Fairleigh Dickinson University.

David Frum, who has been a Republican all his adult life, as he says in a recent New York Magazine article, called “When Did the GOP Lose Touch With Reality?” answers the question by laying much of the blame for that at the feet of Fox “News.”

Fox News and Talk Radio
Extremism and conflict make for bad politics but great TV. Over the past two decades, conservatism has evolved from a political philosophy into a market segment. An industry has grown up to serve that segment—and its stars have become the true thought leaders of the conservative world. The business model of the conservative media is built on two elements: provoking the audience into a fever of indignation (to keep them watching) and fomenting mistrust of all other information sources (so that they never change the channel). As a commercial proposition, this model has worked brilliantly in the Obama era. As journalism, not so much. As a tool of political mobilization, it backfires, by inciting followers to the point at which they force leaders into confrontations where everybody loses, like the summertime showdown over the debt ceiling.

But the thought leaders on talk radio and Fox do more than shape opinion. Backed by their own wing of the book-publishing industry and supported by think tanks that increasingly function as public-relations agencies, conservatives have built a whole alternative knowledge system, with its own facts, its own history, its own laws of economics. Outside this alternative reality, the United States is a country dominated by a strong Christian religiosity. Within it, Christians are a persecuted minority. Outside the system, President Obama—whatever his policy errors—is a figure of imposing intellect and dignity. Within the system, he’s a pitiful nothing, unable to speak without a teleprompter, an affirmative-action phony doomed to inevitable defeat. Outside the system, social scientists worry that the U.S. is hardening into one of the most rigid class societies in the Western world, in which the children of the poor have less chance of escape than in France, Germany, or even England. Inside the system, the U.S. remains (to borrow the words of Senator Marco Rubio) “the only place in the world where it doesn't matter who your parents were or where you came from.”

We used to say “You’re entitled to your own opinion, but not to your own facts.” Now we are all entitled to our own facts, and conservative media use this right to immerse their audience in a total environment of pseudo-facts and pretend information

How Does He Do This

2011-11-21T00:01:00.002-05:00

Sunday Funnies

2011-11-20T00:47:00.001-05:00

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.
They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite countertops

Cindred Sprits

2011-11-16T00:41:00.003-05:00

I get the Sunday Times and one of my favorite sections is the magazine. I just love the short piece at the end. This pass weekend piece was about a man who started to tweet and tweeted every day several time a day for a year or so. But then he wrote:

"Around this time,perhaps not coincidentally, my habit started to feel less like a rush and more like a burden."

This hit home for me. I was posting every day for about 3 and a half years, and after a while it was becoming a burden to me. It got to be painful to try and come up with a post every day that was interesting and funny. It was like being addicted to a drug, I just couldn't stop.

Still to this day I get twinges of that old feeling when I don't come up with something to post. So with this post I am feeding my addiction.........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh yea there it is...peace.

Electron Microscope Image of Hydorthermal Worm - FEI

2011-11-15T06:20:00.000-05:00

Electron Microscope Image of Hydorthermal Worm - FEI

Sunday Funnies

2011-11-13T00:18:00.001-05:00

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

A Good Tee Shirt

2011-11-11T13:43:00.000-05:00

Thoughts on Getting Older

2011-11-09T07:04:00.000-05:00

This is a simple concept that I have been working on for most of my life.

I am delighted to say that I believe I have refined it sufficiently to share

it with a select group who may appreciate its elegance, simplicity and

mathematical purity.

Spin Class 2011

2011-11-07T23:31:00.000-05:00

Yesterdays spin class's was different kind of ride from our gal Evil. It was a ride consisting of raising your heart rates in increments along the whole ride. So it starts out kind of easy than it gets a little harder as you go along. It's pretty cool, and it's a way of keeping in shape in the winter so you will be ready to go when the weather breaks in July here in Maine.

Our gal has been on a tear since she got back from the spin class extravaganza in Boston this summer. She's all technical and shit. And I for one am getting worried because she has been to nice lately. There hasn't been any "Come on you slackers pick it up!" or "Don't make me get off this bike and kick your lazy asses all the way to Caribou (Caribou is the second largest city in Aroostook County, Maine)." I think it's drugs but what do I know.

The classes are getting bigger and bigger every week. The winter people are coming out of the walls. And with that it's,for me anyway,a little scary because now I have to remember all of their names, which I am not very well at. There has not been a lot of interlopers in class lately. Just one women who sets her bike up in the rear of the room and does not follow what is being taught. She must be some kind of dancer because all I see her do is throw her arms around like, well like someone throwing their arms around. It's quite off putting to say the least. I keep giving her permission to go to the bathroom.

That's it for today have a nice day

Sunday Funnies

2011-11-06T00:23:00.001-04:00

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 10 Miles. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 5 Miles and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right, his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks "What may we do for you, my son?" He answers "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man "Please knock on this door." He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup. This nun instructs "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

Go in Peace, You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.

Do the Republicans Have the Better Blacks (Afro Americans)

2011-11-05T07:11:00.000-04:00

Pictures I Took This Morning

2011-11-02T10:40:00.000-04:00

Sunday Funnies

2011-10-30T00:49:00.001-04:00

A Couple of Things

2011-10-28T07:25:00.000-04:00

The weather in Maine is changing. This Thursday there was a threat of snow and this Sunday they are predicting 2 to 4 inches..........WTF.

The Republican debates are a real eye opener. For me, it is seems to be a contest to see who is the craziest. What really is a eye opener is that Mitt Romney is trying to walk away from a very popular health care plan for Massachusetts.......own it Mitt it was a good thing.

Others in the race from craziest to less crazy.
Rick Santorum.....To much to list.
Michele Bachmann ......."God made me stupid."
Herman Cain........"I am for and against choice.....is that clear."
Rick Perry......"Yes I would execute myself".
Newt Gingrich....." If all my wives would vote for me, I could win."
Ron Paul........"I would get rid of government completely and live in a cave."
Mitt Romney....."I wear special underwear."
Jon Huntsman....."Hello....Please someone pay attention to me. I wear special underwear as well......Hello......anybody....hellooooooo.

Great pictures from NASA

The Louisville Slugger

2011-10-24T06:45:00.001-04:00

The first thing I wanted to do in Louisville was visit the place where they make the Louisville Slugger. It is the place where they make wooden baseball bats. The company's name is Hillerich & Bradsby Co., and it has been in business since 1856. As a kid I always used the Louisville Slugger bats to crank out those long tatters.

Any who we made out way to the factory and stepped up to pay the 10 dollars per person entrance fee and low and behold it was Derrick Jeter day and because his number is 2 we got in for 2 dollars per person......cool. And I being a Yankee fan.........double cool.

SOME FACTS:
How many models does H&B make?

Even though there are over 8,000 variations, the players today only choose from approximately 300 popular models.

How many bats does a pro player use in a season?

On average a player will go through approximately 100 bats in a season.

What type of wood is used to make Louisville Slugger baseball bats?

Primarily northern white ash however maple is becoming more popular. The best timber comes from parts of Pennsylvania, New York and other northeastern states where the terrain and climate are most favorable to its growth. Hillerich & Bradsby Co. owns some forests in that area.

Maple, which is stronger and heavier than white ash, accounts for about 30% of the bats made every year. In the past, hickory was also a popular wood for bats, but it is too heavy to meet the demands of today's players.

How many Louisville Slugger bats are made each year?

Approximately one million. During peak production times about 1500 bats are made per day at the factory in Louisville.

So it was a great day at the museum/factory. Then it was off for some beers and probably something that was covered with pork gravy.......... I hope I brought my defibrillator.

This is a picture of me after I wrestled a bating helmet away from a 7 year old girl to use the batting cage. I have to say she put up a good fight. But kicking me in the nuts was a really uncalled for.

Here I am before having my picture taken holding Mickey Mantles bat. They made me wear two batting gloves as I had pork gravy all over my hands.

Sunday Funnies

2011-10-23T00:47:00.001-04:00

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
We have tried our very best.
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.
Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

On The Move.......Louisville

2011-10-19T10:31:00.000-04:00

The drive from Maine to Louisville has taken on the same feel as any long car trip with my wife. There is a lot of shouting and, for me, the most annoying thing is my wife saying to me about one thousand times "Your blinker is on." "Yes I know and sooner of later I would have seen it." I would say in a very calm voice. One good thing for my wife and I, was deciding not carrying weapons on our long car trips. And that is a good thing.

Any who, as we were passing Cincinnati I pulled over to the side of the road, got out and shouted in my loudest voice "SPENCER, SPENCER, SPENCER WHERE ARE YOU." But there was no reply. OK so we move on to Louisville.

Arriving at my wife's cousins house and settled in with the inhabitants. Barb,Mike(humans),Ziggy,Mona Mi,Screwy Louie,Cookoo Katie(Oneeye Katie),Pedro,Frankie,Sid Vicious(Chip),Annie,Ozzy,(cats) Bear-Miss-Lola-Palloza,Rosco-Air-Dane-Palloza.(dogs) Do you think this this will affect my asthma?

Tune in for more exciting adventures. Will I be able to breath? Will,at some point, hack up a fur ball? How many times will I use the phrase" I thought I taw Puddy tat"? Tune in and find out.

Picture above is Ozzy walking across my laptop and inadvertently pulling up my porno collection in front of everyone.A little embarrassing to say the least.

Sunday Funnies

2011-10-16T00:12:00.001-04:00

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

On the move

2011-10-14T06:38:00.000-04:00

Hi everybody, I am now writing from my great hotel room in Cleveland Ohio. That's right I am on the move and we are headed to Louisville Kentucky to visit my wife's cousin. We will be away till Tuesday but I will be posting to let you know what we will be doing. So stay tune. Oh, and one of the must see attractions we passed yesterday, was the Jello Museum. It can't get any better then that.....I don't think so.

A very racist commercial from 1958 for Jell-O.

A Shitty Story

2011-10-10T00:34:00.001-04:00

Sunday Funnies

2011-10-09T00:09:00.001-04:00

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.
The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want." So, Here I am. Anyone want a beer?

Why Does He Say Every Thing I Am Thinking

2011-10-07T00:55:00.001-04:00

Keeping My mouth Shut

2011-10-05T14:51:00.000-04:00

About a month ago my wife and I were invited over to a golf buddies home for dinner. When we arrived my wife was ushered into a room with all the women and I was lead to where the men were. This strange for my wife and I as our get together we all gather in the same room for conversation.

The next surprise, for my wife and I, was right before dinner the group, also separated by men and women, at the table joined hands and prayed. My wife and I both shot a look at each other and put our head down. There was no need to blurt out "Hey we are both atheist and this prayer thing is bogus man!". Plus, I was really praying for a good hamburger if you really want to know.

Well anyway after the meal is over the host goes off and starts to make all of these racist comments. And this after we all joined hands in prayer. I bet Jesus would not like it. And here is the crux of the post, I did not say a thing about what he was saying. And that has happen in the past with other acquaintances of mine. I just don't say anything and it bothers me that I can't. These acquaintances are not bad people and 99 percent of the time they are good and decent people, but that one percent I don't like.

If I say something is our relationship going to be strained, I don't know. What I have been doing is, to just not react and change the subject. Am I just a coward. So what is the right thing to do?

Economic Ramifications of the Civil War from Years 1862 to 1864 and How It Lead to a Spin Class Story

2011-10-03T23:56:00.001-04:00

The Confederate States of America had an agrarian-based economy that relied heavily on slave-worked plantations for the production of cotton for export to Europe and the blah blah blah blah yada yada yada. OK, so spin class is starting to pick up again. The special people,your pal included, who have been there all summer will have to fight for the good bikes. It will be a struggle but in the end the chosen people will prevail.

Any who this Monday spin class was a good one with our gal,The Evil One, in top form. She had just got back from Boston where she attended the 2011 Indoor Cycle Instructor PRO Conference. And she was full of new ideas, like wearing no pants, funny hats, and removing the seats. Me thinks instead of spinning she was hitting the Patron bottle.

She told a story about a women, not her, who had just worked out and wanted to get into the shower. She grab her stuff, not Evil but this other women,and ask where the showers are located. They pointed her, not Evil, to the showers. She entered the showers got undressed and took a shower. She was about to exit the shower room, when a man came in the room. Evil, I mean this other women hid so he could not see her. And after he left she made her exit. She had taken a shower in the men's room and did not get caught. How lucky for our gal, I mean this women.

One thing that I have noticed lately about a lot of the people who take the spin class is that they all kinds of physical problems. Most of these people do marathons and ironman contests and I guess with the wear and tare on the body it is bound to happen. So all you people who do nothing you can count your lucky stars that you won't have to endure having your joints operated on and with luck you will check out quickly with a massive heart attack.

Here is a clip of Josh Taylar who our gal lusts after.

Sunday Funnies

2011-10-02T00:41:00.001-04:00

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." the man from the limousine said excitedly. "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered. "Bring them as well!" So, they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine. One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The rich man replied, "No, thank you... the grass at my place is about three feet tall and I could use the help

I'm Not Worthy

2011-09-30T11:34:00.001-04:00

I follow a couple of blogs and what I am finding is that what I blog about and what they all bog about is completely different. I fill this blog with a kinds of crap, things that I find amusing, and what do the blogs that I follow write about. Questioning God and if there is one, the relationship between people, life changing thoughts. They are always looking at their lives and questioning themselves, are they on the right path and are they growing as human beings.

I on the other hand am writing about Pinky Lee or writing stories about farting in spin class or how much I hate Fox news. Nothing cerebral coming out of this head, no-sir-e-bob not me. My life is filled with making time to play golf,tennis and workout. That's were my head goes and not thecontemplation of God or what is it that makes me a good soul. I'll have none of that. My mind is filled with "How can I workout in the morning make it to the golf course by 10 and be back to play tennis in the evening.". And make time for my wife so she will stop saying "What about me!"

I read these blog, that I love, because they are good people, smart people who are exploring their lives and they can express themselves with wonderful stories written beautifully. I on the other hand struggle to put a coherent sentence together and don't ask men how many times I hit spell check, for get about it.

So I am feeling a little inadequate right now and I would explain it a little better but I have tee time and have to go. TTFN.

Three of my favorite blog that I check several times a day every day are:

Lodo Grdzak's Long Intermission

Everything In The Medicine Cabinet Has Expired

the elegant ape

Best of Willie's World................Supermarket Checkout Grid Lock

2011-09-29T09:39:00.002-04:00

There are many things that bug me, but high up on the list are people who still write checks at the checkout line at the supermarket. Every time I am behind one of these people I feel like saying "excuse me " Do you know we have landed a man on the moon." "Hey, how about the new Edsel." Have you ever heard of a thing called a debit card."

Writing checks is so 1990s.

Writing a check in the checkout line annoys me, but to push the envelope a little further. These check writing people also don't think ahead and have the check partially made out. Date, name of supermarket and their name. Is that too much to ask, to be prepared. And to push this envelope even further, they also have to fill out their register in line as well.

So here is my advise if you are one of these people. Get up early have a bowl of gruel, brush your teeth with Ipana toothpaste, put some Wildroot Cream Oil on your hair, slip into your pegged paints and get behind the wheel of your DeSoto and drive into the 21st century and get a debit card. Let's try to make my life run a little smoother.

Funny

2011-09-26T00:23:00.001-04:00

Today while watching Mythbuster, they were doing a spot where the guys were seeing if the could handle different kinds of creepy crawlers, snakes scorpions and a tarantula. And this reminded me of the clip that I have below. When I first saw it I couldn't stop laughing. So here you go, I dare not to laugh.

Sunday Funnies

2011-09-25T00:28:00.001-04:00

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went
straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother
and
comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
replied,

"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old
having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced
age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would
start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.
Nothing
too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if
that
ice cream truck hadn't come along."

Glen Beck.........Nut Job

2011-09-22T09:06:00.001-04:00

Yesterday as I was trying to find some music on the radio I stopped for a while, a very short while, on Glen Becks show. He was talking about the Palestinians and the UN, when he stated that President Obama hates the Jewish people. As soon as I heard that I was on to a good classic rock channel.

Ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Styx that's better.

And then today I came across a article about Beck's denouncement of Levi's for a recent ad campaign that he said promoted progressivism. The commercial included shots of young people rioting and marching, but also calm scenes of people relaxing.

I have over the years have concluded that Beck is a nut,and I can not understand people who follow this guy and think his thoughts and what comes out of his mouth is spot on. It scares the the crap out of me.

Out of Touch..................Just a Little

2011-09-21T00:07:00.001-04:00

I am sure we all feel sorry for this poor Congressman who objects to paying the same tax rate as you and I. Not raise his taxes but pay what we pay. Remember as a Congressman he has a private pension and health insurance for life. It's easier for us to give up Social Security and Medicare so he can feed his family!

Click here and find out what my buddy is commenting on.

Sunday Funnies

2011-09-18T00:25:00.001-04:00

Mixed Emotions:

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions".
The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap.
I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.
She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis.

Some of My Favorites

2011-09-16T00:43:00.002-04:00

This morning as I was hitting my favorites, I realized that it paints a picture of what has interested me over the years. Here are a couple of the sites.

1.Welcome to Charlie Chan.com It's all about the Charlie Chan movies. Who played Charlie,who played his number 1 ,2,3 sons and every Charlie Chan movie.

I had gotten interested in Charlie Chan movies first as a child and then when there was a controversy over showing Chan movies on the Turner Movie Channel.(His films are regarded as racist in some circles. And that the character was always played by a white actor.)

2.Yetesports.org http://www.yetisports.org/ It's a online game and it all about doing things to and with Yetis.

Another that I was just made aware of on my of my favorite blogs Elegant Ape, Tea Party Zombies Must Die. http://teapartyzombiesmustdie.com/. No explanation needed.

No Detail To Small for Fox's

2011-09-15T00:05:00.002-04:00

Trip to NYC

2011-09-13T00:56:00.003-04:00

Last Thursday my wife and myself made a trip to New York City. My wife and I were contracted to deliver two thirteenth century wood carvings(Wooden carved liturgical figures of St. Florian and St. George from the workshop of Michael Pacher (German, 1435-1498) to Christie's auction warehouse.

We left Maine at 4 AM and headed south. The trip started OK, but then we hit a little traffic in Mass. and it was taking a little to long, so your pal kicked up a notch and pushed down on the old Volvo wagon accelerator, and we were off again.

As we got closer to the city...... we were looking for the FDR...... and we found it....... and it was a parking lot. Living in Maine for the last 10 years you forget what real traffic is like. In Maine, traffic means waiting to cross route 1 for 30 seconds. Well any way we moved very slowly down the FDR looking for 54Th street. Finally arriving at 54TH we turned and because we timed our arrival just at lunch there were millions of people on the street. And what that means is that any time you want to make a left or a right turn you would have to wait for a least 200 people to cross the street.

Needless to say it took a while to reach our destination, Christie's warehouse. It was now time to look for a proper parking space. It's well known there all kinds of parking spaces especially for out of staters.......not! But praise be Jebus we got a space right in front of the place, sort of. I could only partially pull in and was sticking out a little bit. But it's the city, drivers could give a crap if you are not parked properly. So all was good so far. We unloaded the statues, one worth 50 thousand dollars and the other 70 grand.

On my way out the door at Christie's I stopped to ask the men on the loading dock how to get to the FDR for our return trip. Well I want to tell you that no one knew how to get there, because no one drives in the city.

So I did make it out of the city and back home in one day. It's is not a trip that I want to make any time soon.

A observation about driving in NYC. And it is that people that drive on the streets there have a understanding about how to get around. And it is that they expect you to do everything to get to your destination. And that means cutting everyone off, blowing your horn at every opportunity and just being anouying, but only to people from away. It's very interesting.

Sunday Funnies

2011-09-11T00:09:00.001-04:00

There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him and addition question. So they uncle asked, "What is three plus four?" The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven." The uncle said, "Listen kid, you cant count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets." So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked, "What is five plus five?" The uncle saw movement in the boys pockets, then the boy said, "Eleven

Interesting...................I Think

2011-09-06T00:07:00.001-04:00

Labor Day 2011

2011-09-05T00:44:00.003-04:00

"But men labor under a mistake. The better part of the man is soon ploughed into the soil for compost. By a seeming fate, commonly called necessity, they are employed, as it says in the old book, laying up treasures which moth and rust will corrupt and thieves break through and steal. It is a fool's life, as they will find when they get to the end of it, if not before."
—Henry David Thoreau, Walden, 1854

Sunday Funnies

2011-09-04T00:44:00.001-04:00

A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy. "When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your asshole. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious: you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar." "Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again. "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" "Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," said the patient. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Well, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my ass..."

A Little Sports New

2011-09-03T09:35:00.000-04:00

Peyton Manning Says He Will Play In Colts Opener After Performing Neck Surgery On Self

Evil and the Ironman

2011-08-31T09:39:00.000-04:00

This past Monday our gal Evil returned to the spin-a-torium for a great ride. The class had eight riders in attendance.As usual our gal made it very taxing and brought us all to a half a beat from a heart bursting end. But we all survived without to much heart damage.

Our gal has, for the last couple of months, been training to compete in the Ironman 70.3 Timberman in New Hampshire. This consist of a 1.2 miles swim,which our gal did in 44:03. A bike ride of 56 miles,that Evil did in 2:55:29. And last but not least a 13.1 run,which she did in 2:13:41. Put them all together and they add up to 5:57:53.

What was she carrying on her back, a piano? Come on girlfriend you can do better than that. Why did you not use your evil powers to help you?

I was speaking to someone who was there and they painted a weird picture of what our gal was up to the whole ironman. First of all the she was almost disqualified from the swim, because as she exited the water she was caught wearing swimmes with pictures of yellow ducks on them .

Then if that wasn't bad enough at the 36 mile marker of the bike ride, the marshals along the route made her remove training wheels from her bike. But could keep the streamers on her handle grips and the pink basket on the front.

For the last leg of the ironman, my friend thought he spotted her stopped at a roadside hot dog stand wolfing down 3 dirty water dogs, with chilly and mustard,and a Budweiser, on the back of a motorcycle.

Now I don't believe these stories and would never cast a disparaging word about her accomplishments. Just showing up and getting the t shirt would be enough for me.

I am tipping my hat to our gal and what she as done. It is a great accomplishment.......especially at her age.

Just kidding..........Love ya babe.

The Storm

2011-08-30T09:02:00.000-04:00

This pass Sunday my wife and I gathered up all of our flashlights,candles, bottles of water and prepared for the storm called Irene. Our friend Kate, who lives very close to the water, was going to be staying with us for safety reasons. We secured all of our deck furniture and hoped for the best.

And our preparation help us through this terrible storm. First the rains came and what rains they were We personally had a half inch puddles in our driveway. My truck was rained on for over a hour. And the wind it was madding with gust of over 15 mph. There were leaves blowing all over the place. There was even two leaves stuck to my truck after it let up.

The ducks in our pond weathered the storm quite well. I personally watched as water roll right off their backs.

Here on the mid coast of Maine we are very grateful that this storm passed us by. And being prepared for what could have happened is a good thing. I'm reading on line that the media was blowing the storm way out of proportion and that they were scaring everyone. I personally think that it was a good thing and these storms should not be taken lightly. The weather, sometimes, is not a predictable. So you must be prepared for the worst. What if they had said that the storm was coming and maybe it will come through your state, but there is a good chance that it will miss it, so relax and go about your business, no need to worry. There would be people in a uproar saying" You should have been more emphatic about the approaching storm." There are alway going to be knuckleheads. So let's be prepared and safe and not ignore and be dead.

"Mom and Dad Why Are My Pants Getting Tighter

2011-08-29T00:34:00.001-04:00

While watching cartoons I alway got this funny feeling in my special place when ever A Betty Boop cartoon came on. And I alway thought it was because of Grampys happy legs. But now I know it was Betty all along.

The Origins of Betty Boop

Sunday Funnies

2011-08-28T00:16:00.001-04:00

Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel.

They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.

The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice boobs! Where do you want me to install these blinds?

The Hole

2011-08-25T16:12:00.000-04:00

This pass weekend my wife and I visited the home land,New Jersey,and stayed at my brothers home. His home is the house in which I grew up in. He purchased it from my parents when they moved to Florida.

One morning I was sitting out on their deck and I had to use the bathroom, and because there were many people staying at the house, the bathroom was in constant use. Because there is only one bathroom in the house you had to make a reservation to use it. Well any way it was ocupado, so I decided that I would go,for a pee break, into the woods in the back.

The back of my brothers home there is a small ravine that all of the kids that I grew up with spent most of our childhood. We would leave the house early in the morning and not return untill dinner.

When I get together with friends from the old neighborhood, we always talk about our childhood and playing all day in "The Hole", as we use to call the raven.

The hole was a magical place for all of us kids. It was the wild wild west where we all carried our six shooters and rode our imaginary steeds. The next day we were suddenly all in the army fighting the bad guys on the battlefield. There were days when we all battled space invaders or gigantic monsters that were threatening the earth.

In the winter it was a great place to be as well. When it snowed there were plenty of places to sled ride. There was one run that we called suicide hill, that was really steep. I remember,one time, that maybe 10 kids hooked sleds together went down suicide hill hooked together. It wasn't a pretty picture at the bottom.

One summer we kids decided to build a baseball field down the hole. It was a pretty good field except right in the middle, just to the left of second base, the was a large structure that was shaped sort of like a fat bottle and it was made of cinder blocks. It was a way workers access the sewers. It was painted white and that's were we got the name for it, "white thing". Pretty inventive.....you think.

Right field was on the side of the hill that we would sled down in the winter. Left field was in wet lands, plus it had the second "white thing" in the middle. But it all worked out we had many good games down there.

We would find fossils of shells in some of the shale in the hole. It was a magical place as a kid.

It is now unrecognizable and overground and impenetrable. And as I looked out into the hole from my brothers back yard you could almost hear the voices of kids having the time of their lives.

What is that Guys Name.......Harry Lauter

2011-08-23T07:31:00.000-04:00

I have always loved movies,and have seen tons of them, good and bad. In many of these films there were always a couple of faces that you see over and over in bit parts, but you would never know their names. These people were called "bit actors". They were always in the back ground and were always either a cop or the bad guy. One of these actors was Harry Lauter who seemed to be in every movie and television show from the 40's to the 80's. Mr. Lauter died in the 1990's but lives on in many, many great films and TV programs.

Here is a short biography.

In a career of close to 50 years, he appeared in a large number of television episodes and Hollywood movies, often as either a villain, soldier, or policeman. Raised originally in suburban New York, he made his silver screen debut in "The Family Ford" (1930); beginning in the 1940s, he was kept busy in Hollywood, mostly for Columbia and Republic, attracting notice as a detective in the 1949 "White Heat", with James Cagney. Among his other films were "The Day the Earth Stood Still" (1951), the 1957 "Hellcats of the Navy", with Ronald Reagan, and 1971's "Escape From the Planet of the Apes". From the 1950s on, Lauter amassed numerous television credits, with his only starring role being that of 'Clay Morgan' in "Tales of the Texas Rangers", which ran from 1955 until 1958; his other appearances, often in reoccurring parts, included "Dragnet", "Maverick", "Gunsmoke", "The Gene Autry Show", "Cheyenne", "Bonanza", "Rawhide", "Laramie", and "State Trooper", as well as such lighter fare as "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet" and "My Little Margie". Lauter retired from show business following his turn as Marshal Charlie Benton in the 1979 "How the West Was Won". His final years were spent painting and running a California art gallery.

Sunday Funnies

2011-08-21T00:21:00.001-04:00

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" The doctor interrupts, "Nine..."

Another Lazy Post

2011-08-20T08:10:00.000-04:00

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Words of Wisdom

2011-08-16T07:05:00.000-04:00

A Lazy Post

2011-08-15T07:00:00.000-04:00

I've been lazy, as of late, in what I post. And with this post I continue. I will get motivasted soon, I promise.

In The Fall from Steve Cutts on Vimeo.

Sunday Funnies

2011-08-14T00:40:00.002-04:00

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his penis and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".

The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

Fox Hypocrisy Strikes Again

2011-08-13T06:45:00.000-04:00

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Words of Wisdom

2011-08-12T00:46:00.001-04:00

In my personal opinion, the list of Republican presidential candidates are a very scary group. I think that President Obama is not doing a great job and he could kick it up a notch and take charge and finally do something. But a lease he seems to be reasonable and a adult.

Here are some quotes from the republican candidates.

Michele Bachmann......"Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas." -Rep. Michelle Bachmann, April, 2009

Herman Cain.......At a rally last Thursday,speaking about the Islamic Center of Murfreesboro, Cain appeared concerned about the rights afforded us by the Constitution, saying the cultural center was “an infringement and an abuse of our freedom of religion.

Newt Gingrich......"The American people believe English should be the official language of the government....We should replace bilingual education with immersion in English so people learn the common language of the country and they learn the language of prosperity, not the language of living in a ghetto,"

Jon Huntsman........Can't find anything stupid he said.

Ron Paul...........Reporting on gang crime in Los Angeles, Paul commented: "If you have ever been robbed by a black teen-aged male, you know how unbelievably fleet-footed they can be."

"Given the inefficiencies of what DC laughingly calls the criminal justice system, I think we can safely assume that 95 percent of the black males in that city are semi-criminal or entirely criminal."

Tim Pawlenty......."We can start by what I call the Google test."

By which he means if you can Google a service yourself on the Internet, government doesn't need to provide it. There's is no point in fact-checking that -- it's too clever. So last night comedian Stephen Colbert simply embraced Pawlenty's idea, took out a computer, and discovered you could completely eliminate our most expensive entitlement: MEDICARE:

"Seniors, if you're feeling chest pain, go to WebMD, self diagnose your arrhythmia, search some message boards for the right pharmaceutical by friending cardiac patients on facebook, create a fake gmail account to buy black market Plavix from Canada."

Mitt Romney ........I'm happy to learn that after I speak you're going to hear from Ann Coulter. That's a good thing. I think it's important to get the views of moderates." --right before Coulter called John Edwards a "faggot"

Rick Santorum......To numerous to list.

I Love This Guy

2011-08-11T07:38:00.000-04:00

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

A Bad Picture of a Crazy Lady

2011-08-10T13:02:00.000-04:00

Very Cool

2011-08-09T08:32:00.000-04:00

Sunday Funnies

2011-08-07T00:14:00.001-04:00

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

Serenty Now........Again

2011-08-06T08:03:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite "Fox Watch" sites is News Hounds. Their motto,"We watch Fox so you don't have to" tells it all. This is usually the first site I click on in the morning to find out what the lunatic fringe is spinning. But lately I find myself leaving the site early because it's to much for me. My brain sometimes feels like it is going to explode with some of the shit that they feed to their legions.I have have to click on my favorites and go to dumb.com to get myself centered. When I am there I find it most relaxing to click on fascinating inquiries like, "How many people have your name" or "bad fortune cookies" or "Punch Celebs, A game where you punch celebrities in the face." I feel myself calming down just writing this.

Some examples of headlines from News Hounds that drive me to dumb.com.

Fox News’ On The Record Pounces On Opportunity To Tarnish Obama With S&P Rating Downgrade While Ignoring Republican Role

Multimillionaire Hannity In A Snit That Some Of “His Money” Will Go For Birth Control

Michelle Malkin Gushes Over Palin’s Suggestion Obama Is A Terrorist: It’s Everything I Love About Sarah Palin

To Deny Climate Change Fox and Friends Attack SpongeBob SquarePants

Am I The Only One Who Thought Ann Coulter's Breasts Might Fall Out Of Her Dress Last Week? (One of my favorites.)

I'm getting a little crazy after writing those headlines so I am off to my favorites. First stop "One Sentence" true stories told in one sentence. then its off to "20 Werid English Words" to find out if floccinaucinihilipilification is really a word.

The Wizard of Oz

2011-08-03T15:26:00.000-04:00

Water+Laptop=Broken Laptop

2011-08-02T08:12:00.000-04:00

The reason I have not added a post in a while is because I spilled a glass of water on my key booooooooooard, and it is not weorkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkking properly. Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy wife is alway telling me ttttttttttttttto not have liquids arounnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd the lappppppppppppppptoooooooooooooop. But your paaaaaaaaaaal has alway beeeen abllle to handle it. Now I don''''''''''''t have a legggg to stand on. I'm sure this laptop willlllllll be Ok afterrrrrrrrrrr it dryssss out. It's getttttttttttttttttttttttttting betttttttttttttttttttter.