Bleedy's Story

I have got this problem, and no it is not mental. It is that I have a vein in my lip that is very close to the top layer of skin. Now what happens is that, if I let my lips get chapped and they crack it starts to bleed. And I don't mean a little spot of blood, no it is a Old Faithful geyser, it's a Niagara Falls, its a Dan Aykroyd playing Julia Child cutting herself during a cooking show on SNL kind of bleeding. Get the picture. This does not happen all of the time, but when it does it is such a joy. The first time it happen was at the Lobster Festival in Rockland Maine two years ago. Don McLean was the featured entertainment. So all night I am waiting to hear American Pie and it was going to be the next song he played. But right before that the lip thing started and before I realized it the front of my white shirt had a giant blood spot of it. So I grabbed about 400 napkins and was making my way back to the car with my wife and our guests. Well walking out of the festival with blood all over me was quite the site. It looked like I had just gone 1 round with Mike Tyson. And another thing was that my exit was not discreet in the least. Every single person at the festival saw my bleeding ass go by and stared and pointed.

We stop at the emergency room and I am taken to a small room to wait for the doctor to check me out. Oh and just to show how compassionate my wife and company were, the keep calling me bleedy on our way to the hospital. Well the doctor comes in and checks me out and says that he will have to cauterize it. Golly gee that sound like a lot of fun, not. So this guy starts out by giving me a needle of something to deaden my lip. Now this was about the worst pain I have felt in a long time. So anything after that would be just fine. And because of the shot there was no pain when he cauterized it. And as I am waiting to leave the doctor asked me if I had heard Don McLean sing American Pie at the festival. I think he wanted to make me feel a little worst then I already did. So I just said "Oh Don McLean was at the festival, I didn't know that". And then I walked out to my relatives who for 3 days ,after this complained that they didn't get to hear American Pie, plus they kept calling me bleedy any chance they got.