Sunday Funnies

Rodney Dangerfield , he gets no respect.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west

When I was born, the doctor said to my father, " I'm sorry, we did everything we could but he still pulled thru".

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in the library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

One time I went into a hotel, I asked the bellhop to handle my bag - he felt up my wife

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo.