Why I Hate Disney World

I know it is a sin and I know that people who love Disney World will be mad, but wtf. I know that it's a safe place for kids. (From the first quarter of 2005 to the first quarter of 2006 Disney reported four deaths and nineteen injuries at its Florida parks.) And yes it's clean blah blah blah blah blah yada yada.

OK here we go. You get to the park, you find a parking spot, climb out of your car and the first thing you notice is that it's about 5 degrees cooler than the surface of the sun. I mean it is hot as hell. After recovering from heat stroke, you and the family head over to a station to wait for the shuttle. The shuttle arrives and you all climb aboard and the first thing you noticed is that it is packed to the gills with sweating humanity. You first become the bread on this human sandwich on wheels and as they pick up more people you slowly but surly become the meat at the center.

The shuttle drops you off at the entrance and you head for the gate, and it's just your luck you are 240th in line. You hope that you make it to the gate before you faint from dehydratio first.  But you make it and you ask what the fee is for a family of four.The smiling attendant tells you 360.12 for the day. And right away you think I could put off little Marys operation for 6 months. So you lay out the cash and step into the magic kingdom, where  all of your dreams are over priced.

So your in and the kids start screaming about they wanna ride on the magic mt. roller coaster. You walk over and get in line,  and the line is four miles long.  You say to yourself it's for the kids  and you hang in there. The line meanders back and forth, you think you are getting close, but your not.  Your are walking a lot,  but in reality you are only moving one foot every time you make a turn at the end of the line. But eventually you make it to the front. You can almost see them putting people in the cars. That's when little Mary says "I gotta go to the bathroom......NOW". You can't talk her out of it so you get out of line to find a bathroom.  Your wife stays in line with little Johnny and gets on the ride. You find a bathroom and after your wife and little Johnny shows up and start talking about the space mt. ride and how cool it was. And now little Mary turns to you and screams "I wanna go on space mt.........NOW."

So back you go stand in the back of the line witch is now five miles long.  You and Mary finally make your way to the car and  climb in. The car starts and that's when little Mary starts to scream "I don't like this, I want to get off......NOW." So you try to reason with her but she is having none of it and starts to scream very loud. Everyone is looking at you thinking you are doing something to poor little Mary. When the ride stops, after what seems like 30 seconds, the stares keep on coming as little Mary and the child beater of a father exit the car.

"Daddy I'm thirsty" is the next thing you here from your little darlings. You agree for two reasons. One to stop your darlings from repeating it 45 times in a row, and 2, you are about 2 minutes from fainting from being out in 100 degree temps. So let's get some drinks and a couple of hot dogs.

 Minus forty five dollar later you got your 4 hot dogs and 4 small sodas. You think....a year for Mary's operation won't be to bad. And I can always cash in those CD's.

So you spend a couple of more hours standing in really, really long lines for a 30 second ride.  It's time for dinner.  Let's all head over to were the restaurants of many lands are for a bite to eat. You choose the  San Angel Inn, Mexican food, how expensive could that be.

Mr. and Mrs. start off with Wild Passion Fruit Margarita.....$14.50 each.
Mary and Little Johnny two sodas............$5.00 each
Mr. Camarones al Ajillo......................$28.00
Mrs. Mahi_mahi a la Veracuzana..........$26.00
Mary and Johnny Traditional Mexican Dinner........$35.00
Two dessert for all four..............$12.00
$168.00 with tip.

Dad had to go into secret compartment, in his wallet, and pull out a couple of bucks he was saving for little Johnny's college fund to pay the bill.

It's getting late, mom and dad  are burned out, sunburned and broke. Little Johnny has lost his 25.00 dollar Mickey mouse ear hat and Mary broke her cheap, 20.00 dollar, Little Mermaid wand. As they climb into their car, which is now the same temperature as a pizza oven, they all think about the day.

 Mary, who will never go on a ride again.

 Johnny who is now deathly afraid of any kind of bird, because 10 grackles swooped down and robed him of his hot dog while sitting in the outside cafe.

Mrs. who urinated in her pants while waiting on a 2 mile long line to use the facilities.

Mr. who will now have to get a part time job to pay for this Disney vacation and dermatologist visits from standing in the sun for 15 hour. .

To top thing off, on the way out of the parking lot they all had to search for cash in back of the car seats to make the $14.00 parking fee.