About a month ago my wife and I were invited over to a golf buddies home for dinner. When we arrived my wife was ushered into a room with all the women and I was lead to where the men were. This strange for my wife and I as our get together we all gather in the same room for conversation.
The next surprise, for my wife and I, was right before dinner the group, also separated by men and women, at the table joined hands and prayed. My wife and I both shot a look at each other and put our head down. There was no need to blurt out "Hey we are both atheist and this prayer thing is bogus man!". Plus, I was really praying for a good hamburger if you really want to know.
Well anyway after the meal is over the host goes off and starts to make all of these racist comments. And this after we all joined hands in prayer. I bet Jesus would not like it. And here is the crux of the post, I did not say a thing about what he was saying. And that has happen in the past with other acquaintances of mine. I just don't say anything and it bothers me that I can't. These acquaintances are not bad people and 99 percent of the time they are good and decent people, but that one percent I don't like.
If I say something is our relationship going to be strained, I don't know. What I have been doing is, to just not react and change the subject. Am I just a coward. So what is the right thing to do?
4 comments:
Willie! You know better than to put up w/ that!
I am not the confrontation type and I know I have to grow some balls.
Maybe there's a way to broach the subject w/out confrontation. I mean, there are "racial" comments, which may or may not be racist. So that's a distinction Im careful to make (though when do too many racial comments become racism?). But I think that's an easier person to deal w/ than a real...mean spirited racist person. People like that usually are mean about a lot of things and I find it hard to belive you could be too tight with someone like that Willie.
In my former line of work, there were a lot of ex-military guys and law enforcement. Aggressive a-holes and often racist. Just cause they could be. (And also some real ghetto guys who had reverse racism). But when we had drinks and the conversation went a certain way, I'd just laugh and shake my head. "Oh no! Don't say that." Then I'd move on.
Never tried to change a guy--that's the worst way to handle it. I'd just laugh and/or disagree and move on. Demonstrating an ability to leave the subject once you address it is important--'cause people who say those things are oftentimes a bit ashamed. If you back 'em in a righteous shame corner they'll cling twice as tight to the racism out of pride. Especially if they consider themselves tough. People are complicated!--and stupid.
Good advise Lodo. The guy I blogged about, is not clan type racist, he grew up in the tough neighborhood in Chicago where it was one ethnic neighborhood against another.
And when I don't react to his comment he just moves on to another subject. Because I have been ignoring his comment he has not said another thing.
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