Best of Willie's World................Supermarket Checkout Grid Lock

There are many things that bug me, but high up on the list are people who still write checks at the checkout line at the supermarket. Every time I am behind one of these people I feel like saying "excuse me " Do you know we have landed a man on the moon." "Hey, how about the new Edsel." Have you ever heard of a thing called a debit card."

Writing checks is so 1990s.

Writing a check in the checkout line annoys me, but to push the envelope a little further. These check writing people also don't think ahead and have the check partially made out. Date, name of supermarket and their name. Is that too much to ask, to be prepared. And to push this envelope even further, they also have to fill out their register in line as well.

So here is my advise if you are one of these people. Get up early have a bowl of gruel, brush your teeth with Ipana toothpaste, put some Wildroot Cream Oil on your hair, slip into your pegged paints and get behind the wheel of your DeSoto and drive into the 21st century and get a debit card. Let's try to make my life run a little smoother.

A Finger Salute

I must give out the Uncle Willie finger salute to a couple of people that I have crossed paths with recently. First finger salute goes to the man in the red Toyota Tacoma who crested a hill in the wrong lane as I was driving up the hill in the right lane. Thank Jebus that this moron came too just in time, and got in his own lane. Next recipient is the women who was entering the YMCA as I was leaving. I ,being Mr. Manners, held one of the two doors open for her as she opened the other door to come through. Thanks alot Mrs I-don't-care-if-you-are-being-nice-I-am-going-to-open-my-own-door-and-you-Uncle Fool-just-stand-there-and-watch-me-go-through-the-other-door. And last but not least the guy in the Mercedes and the women in the Volvo wagon who thought that signaling the guy in back of them, your pal,would be a veritable hardship. I say to them and the other two that they should all rot in hell and before that they can kiss my gluteus maximus.


Lighting the mood a bit here is Homer trying to vote for Obams.

Make My Day

You want to know why I don't carry a gun? Sure you do. While visiting N.J. my wife and I had to go to the metro station and pick up my friend and his son. So we pull into the train station and I see a sign that says, 20 minute parking for pickups. So a-hole that I am I pull into a space to wait. As we are waiting in our car, right in front of us, there is a drop off spot , where people can drop off passenger for the train. There are many signs all along this area that say clearly, Passenger Drop Off, and below that is a giant circle with a large P in the center with a slash going thru it. Now with my pea brain I figured that it mean's no parking. But nooooooooooooooooooooooo there were about 10 cars parked there waiting for passengers to arrive, and if you wanted to drop someone off you couldn't because you couldn't get close. Now the parking area for the passenger waiting was very far away from the drop off area, maybe 10 feet or so. How can these people be so lazy or inconsiderate. In New Jersey its every person for himself. It is a crazy world. Too little space and too many people. And everyone is in a hurry. People are like they have been shot out of canons. There are a many people that are really really annoying and not courteous at all. And that is why I don't pack a rod.

Your Baby Looks Like a Monkey

Yesterday after the spin class I was hanging around the front desk at the Y running my mouth. As I was standing there a women with her baby came in and wanted to sigh up for something. She took the baby out of the stroller and was holding the little rug rat on her lap while she was signing up. The baby had on one of those animal snow suits, you know the ones, with the little ears on the hood. Well your Pal just had to make a comment 'How come we dress baby's in these animal costumes?.It's not Halloween". And do you know what this kids mother said to me, not one thing, that's what. Not a half a smile, nothing. So naturally I had to go on till I got some kind of reaction. "If we wanted to make our kids look like animals all of the time, why not get a racoon instead of having a kid. Funny . Well nothing. It was a little awkward for a while. I was just trying to be a little friendly and spread my kind of cheer around to all the people in the world, cheese Louise. Some people just don't get it. Well any who I just bid everyone good bye and left the Y, still wondering what I did. Do you think it was because I wasn't wearing any pants. Maybe.

The Award for the Most Unfunnyest Comedian Goes to JIMMY FALLON

Let me just say that I think Jimmy Fallon is the most unfunnyest comedian I have ever seen or listen too. When I watch him on SNL the ends of my mouth are firmly planted downward, that means that I am not even smiling at anything this not funny person is saying. Am I getting my message across to you all. And don't get me started on his film career. With block busters like The Scheme, wasn't there a nomination for a academy award,not in this life time. Or who can forget Taxi or Fever Pitch. Oh I could go on but there isn't any more.
Maybe its me, maybe as I get older I just don't find his brand of humor funny. But what ever it is someone is pushing this knucklehead along. Maybe he is funny when he is not on camera, who knows. When I googled him there were 146,000 hits and I could only find two posts that said that they did not know why this guy has a career. (I did not go through 146,000 posts) And another thing, while he was on SNL in a sketch, he would upstag everyone by laughing at his own lines. I just wanted to poke my eyes out and stick a pencil into my eardrums. I also read that NBC is considering hiring him to replace Conan O'Brien . If that happens I will block NBC from my TV.
So Jimmy do me a favor and take your money and go live in France were I am sure you will be the next Jerry Lewis. PLEASE!

A hilarious quote from Jimmy Fallon.

I'm going to North Pole to help out Santa this year.

Oh my sides are aching from laughing too much, no it's just appendicitis.

Is that guy driving a egloo?

OK what's up with the people driving around with a 2 foot snow drift on their cars. That is just making me crazy. Today I was out and about and got behind this person, I don't know if it was a man or women because all the window were covered with snow and ice so I couldn't see, they were driving about 4 mph, and trying to clean off the inside of their windshield. This dumb ass must have walked out the door,jumped in the car, started it, let it warm up for 1 second and took off. You tell me how he knew he was getting into a car and not a snow bank. Why not let your car warm up a bit, clean off the windows so you can SEE me behind you talking to myself and giving you the stuff. There has been, I have seen this, a couple of people who still have snow and ice on their cars in June. I have seen a penguin family living on their roof. I kid you not.

There is another type of snow hauler that will clean the windshield but only enough so that they can see straight ahead. It's just this little circle on the windshield. Just about the size of this knuckleheads head.
Holy crap, please someone help these poor unfortunate few that don't have either the brains or the where with all to cope with the intricacies of how to clean the snow off of a vehicle. Isn't there some adult education class that can teach these miscreants this task.
Lets all bow our heads. Dear ------------ please guide these poor unfortunates in the skills of auto snow removal and if they fail, may they be struk by lighting. Amen.

Getting Pass Level 13

This is what happen on Tuesday the 27th . A day that will not live in infamy.

This has been a heck of a day. First of all I wake up and go to the computer first thing. So I'm fadidiling around and I say to myself just 30 minutes more and I will start my day. That was around 7:30AM, next thing I know it's 1:30 PM, and yours truly has not done a thing, but left comments on other peoples blogs. I had just finished level 13 in Bloxorz another addicting game and I was seriously thinking about logging off and start to do something, anything. So I sez "I'll go to the dump" that's the responsible thing to do.

So I started to gather all the crap that I had to take to the dump, cardboard, cans, leftover Thanksgiving dinner, 500 bottles of wine and just your regular old garbage stuff. This took about 1 hour to get this together. So every thing is in place so I can pack it in the yellow recycling bags . One problem I only have one bag and I have a 4 bag pile of crap. Well only one bag, maybe I should put it off till I buy more bags, and just go back to Bloxorz and attempted level 14. "No I gotta do this". Now I stuff all that I can into the one bag. The bag now weights about 100 pounds. It is so full that the wire tie is at the very top of the bag stem. It cannot be picked up by the stem, it has to be picked up from the bottom. I don't know if you have ever lifted a 100 pound bag-o-crap from the very bottom, it's hard. Well any way I gather what I can and place it in my truck, by the way I had to make about 6 trips to gather all of the garbage. I am finally ready to go, so off I go.

On the way to the dump I get behind a women who was going about 5 MPH. She was a very small women because driving behind her it looked to me like no one was driving her car. I finally get around her and then I ran into I'm- not- going- to- use- a- signal- guy. He is turning this way and that with never a thought about me in back of him. He finally turns off, without signaling of course, and I run into another women who is driving even slower than the first women that I had encountered. We were on Route 1 and I think she thought that was the speed limit, 1 MPH. This women also must have been looking for and address because she would slow down, too a 1/4 MPH, as she passed each house. She finally found her address and I made my way to the dump. I make the turn into the dump and there are 10 cars in line, and each one was a personal friend of the dump guy. I know this because every car stopped and talked to this guy for about 5 minutes. What are they talking about , Hows the garbage, find anything interesting in the garbage, can you explain Einstein's theory of relativity, hey let's piss off the guy in the 11th car just for ha ha's, I just don't know. Well any who, I drop off my stuff and head home, but now it is 4 o'clock and to late to do any work around the house . But there is time to work on getting past level 13.

I would like to give a tip-o-the-hat to my friend Jeremy at Jeremy's Status Message for finding these games that have keep me on the computer for 12 hours straight. Now I have no time to do any thing constructive, except try to go to the next level. My wife is also giving you something but it is not a tip of the hat. It's more like a extended finger.
Your Pal,
Willie

Don't Listen to Thelma Good

This is a note to Thelma Good, who ever you are, for sending me the following email;
Girls next door getting stuffed with huge d--ks, she might be your neighbor!. Click here. Upon seeing your email, and being concerned, I rushed right over to my neighbors home and knocked frantically on the door. When my neighbors husband answered the door and I told him of my concern about his wife being stuffed. Well, you would of thought that I said that there was no Santa. He grab me and said that if I didn't leave right that minute that he would be stuffing me with his size 9. Well, I don't have to be told twice. And here I was just a concered neighbor trying to protect my neighbors wife from stuffing. Well thats the last time for me. And to Thelma please don't send me any more warnings. People just don't want the help.

To Signal Or Not To Signal That Is The Question

I hate people that drive and don't use the signals properly. The proper distance before you make a turn is about 50 feet. But there seems to be a big problem where I am living. I won't name the state but it starts with a M and has ain in the middle and ends with an e. There are three types of signalers and they are, people that do the right thing and use their signal correctly 99 percent of the time, someone well, like me if I might say so. The second is someone that never uses his or her signal. It is usually used for organising rubberbands and scrunches. With these people they expect you to read their minds, and when you come to a tire screeching halt behind them, they look at you like you are a half bubble off plumb. The third is a person who uses their signal but it is usually when they are in the middle of their turn. What are these people thinking, " that was good enough". These also are the people who,at times, keep their signal on for 3 or 4 miles. So beware of the 2/3's of the population and please use your signals properly people. Thank you.
This has been a public service announcement.



Mario Andretti has retired from racecar driving. That's a good thing. He's getting old. He ran his entire last race with his left blinker on.

John Stewart