Va-friggin-cation 2

Boarding the plane in Portland went off well, no problems at all. We were seated and buckled in waiting for the instructions from the fight crew. My wife and I of course pulled out the handy card with all of the safety instructions on it. I always check were the exits are and always check out how to open the doors. As I looked around the aircraft my wife and I were the only ones that checked this information out. everybody was reading a paper or on their laptops or cell phones, not really paying attention. Well if there ever was a problem and we had to ditch the plane, my wife and I would really be in trouble, because no one else except the flight crew, could in a panic find the nearest exit. And thought all of the panic and kayos I would be shouting that everyone should have looked at the safety instruction and that they are all dopes and that I am the king of safety and will lead them to a safe place so follow me. All hale the safety King. I think I just got carried away a bit. Sorry.

So we finally take off and the seat belt sign is off and guess what happen? The knucklehead in front of me reclines his seat. Didn't he read my blog about putting your airline seat back, jimmy crickets. Plus this guy is the only person with his seat back in the whole plane. Before the reclining I had no room now I have minus room, plus now I am resting my chin on this knuckleheads forehead. God I hate that!

So we land in West Palm Beach Airport on time. We pick up our bags and go to the outside to wait to be picked up by our rent-a-car company. It is called EZ rental. It is a new company I think, because I had never heard of it before. We chose EZ because it was the cheapest car rental. So the rental company's van arrived. We go to get aboard, but the step up to get in is about 2 foot of the ground. Where did they get this van from, a monster truck show reject. I thought I spotted the name Bigfoot through the paint on the side of the van, but I could be mistaken. My mother-in-law has trouble stepping over a raised pattern on the carpet, how is she going to get in this van. Well finally we haul her on board and off we go to pick up our EZ rental car. In the van was a family. They had a small boy, I guess he was about 5 years old. This kid must have asked his father about 300 question in the 5 minutes it took to get to the rental office.

What kind of birds are they? Are there alligators in Fla.? Why is that tree dead? How do you make a martini? Why is that man in the back seat, he was talking about me, trying to put duck tape over my mouth?

After a long 5 minute ride we arrived at the rental company's office. Their office is in the Hilton Hotel so this is looking good to get a nice vehicle.I get in line to pick up our car and this little kid, from the van, is running around like he has had 25 cups of espresso. The people, who are handing out the rental cars think they are doing us all a favor by giving this kid a handful of candy. Well that's like pouring gasoline onto a fire. Within 4 minutes the kid is running around like crazy, but not on the floor on the walls like Frank Langella in the movie Dracula. It was the wildest thing.

So finally we get our car. It is a white Ford Fusion. It looks great. The rental car clerk tells me to check the car over and let them know if there is any damages. So I go out to check out the car. Driver side OK. Front OK. Passenger side OK. The rear looks like a spent booster rocket from the latest NASA launch fell on it. Broken taillight, big black marks all over it. So I go in and tell the clerk, and I am going on and on about the damage and that she had better look at it to see what I was talking about. And she says to me " just bring it back with a half a tank of gas". Have a nice day. We pack up and off we go to Boca in our demolition derby vehicle.