Let's Talk About Sex

"Let's Talk About Sex"

Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex

Lyrics by Salt-N-Pepper

Now that I have your intention. Sex education is not going well and what I mean is the billions spent on abstinence education. Now it is all well and good to say that you shouldn't have sex till you are married but let' get real. We must teach prevention to go alone with the abstinence. Because girls and boys left alone with those urges raging cannot always be expected to say "STOP". Let me tell you I speak from experience. Keeping it real in teaching sex education to our children will only help to eliminate disease and unwanted pregnancies.

From the editorial board here ar Willie's World

It's Going to be Easy......Believe me

Uncle Willie I thought you were not going to write about spin class for a while.

I know Timmy but circumstance say I must.

Crap!

OK Monday class Evil kicked out asses with her workout. And she even admitted that she had kicked her own ass. After the class she said to me, that she will be taking it easy on Tuesday night. Well I am here to say that she lied. If that was taking it easy then her degree of easy is way off from my degree of easy. The reason she did kick our butt's, I believe, was that a interloper in class was a triathlete and she wanted to impress. Plus after the class, were Evil usually talks to the regulars we were a second thought just a "yea see ya" as we were going out the door. Her attention was focused on the "the triathlete interloper. I can't go on because the tears might short circuit my keyboard.

PS
Mary Mary are you out there, I can't see you, Mary, Mary are you lost.
A SAD SONG

Welcome to Uncle Willie's Joke Club

My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97 and we don't know where she is. Ok press number 3.

I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body. Ok press number 6.

"You're really in pretty good shape for a man of 65," said the doctor reassuringly. "Of course, you're only 48..." Press number 8


A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?" The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit." Press 11.

EVIL INFO

Logan Airport Boston to Owlshead Airport 380.00 round trip

Schooner Bay Taxi to YMCA and back 62.00

Concord Bus from Boston to Maritime Station Rockport 58.00 round trip

Schooner Bay Taxi to YMCA and back 36.00

Budget Rent-a-car from Boston to YMCA and back 59.72 a day

Downeaster Train Boston to Portland 100.00 round trip

Concord bus to Rockport 74.00 round trip

Schooner Bay Taxi to YMCA 36.00 round trip

Bonus Post

Elizabeth Edwards wrote a opinion that was in the op-ed section of the Times yesterday. She writes about the problems we all have getting real information about the people running for President. Go here.

Maine....Innovation

That's right we are the first state to pave fish. So you ask yourself why pave fish. Well I'll tell you. Why not . Precisely, why not. Let's say you have load of fish and they are lying all over the ground and you keep getting your truck stuck in the piles of fish or you alway falling down into the piles of slippery fish. Your spinning your wheels all of the time. And you smell like the bathroom door on a tuna boat. What can you do. Pave the fish of course. What are your stupid. I think this is a idea that is long over due and could be a growing industry all around the US. And Maine is way out front of the curve. So climb on board the fish paving express just for the halabut.

PS And if you were thinking that you could pave with fish, well that's a stupid idea.

So you want to be a TV reporter

Well it's Sunday and I am going to the I ain't got nuttin for this post.


http://view.break.com/485135 - Watch more free videos

Turbo Boy.......................Josh

Well Friday there was no instructor in spin class. So we all elected Josh to run the class. Josh you see just turned 21 and it is like he is shot out of a canon 24 hours a day. Well any who he has probably been thinking about this moment for a long time. Because he gets right into it. And from the get go I am huffing and puffing like a gazelle that was chased by a lion. Well he just never let up. I don't think he realized that all of the class is between 45 and 100 years of age. I think he thought he was dealing with people of his own age. I was going so fast that I almost dropped my Carter Little Liver Pills and bottle of Geritol and Viagra.



All kidding aside, I have to say that it was a great workout with very good music. If he ever runs spin class again I am bringing lead shoes for the boy. But you know what , I doubt that they would even slow Josh down. The kid is motivated. I wouldn't be surprised if I saw him running for President of the US in 15 years. And I would take complete credit for it if he did become President.

So you Want to Eat Lite Do Ya

On a trip to pick up a car in Rochester New Hampshire yesterday, yes helping to bring a little cheer in to someones life again, my buddy and I decided to stop for a bite to eat. The closes restaurant was Micky D's so we pulled into the parking lot and strolled inside. Now I am thinking to myself "what can I order that will be low in calorie and not filling". So I look up at the menu and see salads. Great I'll order a nice salad and a diet Coke. That will fill both of my requirements. So I sashay up to the counter and I says " south western salad with the crispy chicken and diet Coke please". And the women behind the counter says's "If you are going to sashay all over the place we are going to have to ask you to leave sir". So I say "OK I'll stop just give me the salad".

So I eat the salad and drink the Coke and I am as happy as a clam. I get home and I decided, for some strange reason to go on the McDonald's website and check the nutritional value of what I had eaten. Well cut my legs off and call me shorty, do you know what the calories and the fat content of my salad was, 450 calories and 21 grams of fat. Holy heart attack Batman and I thought I was eating lite. Too many of those salads and I could get a spot on the biggest loser. And while I was on the McDonald's website I looked at a couple of other treats that I like at Mickey D's. Large vanilla milk shake 1110 cal. 26 grams of fat. Quarter pounder with cheese, 510 cal. 26 grams of fat. Large french fries, 570 cal 30 grams of fat. The most caloric thing on the menu is a Chocolate Triple Thick Shake (32 fl oz cup) 1160 cal. 27 grams of fat. The lowest is a Diet coke, 0 cal 0 fat. Combine that with a packet of ketchup and you are good to go with 15 cal. meal.

Thanks a lot.

I got this in a email and thought it was amusing and because it's I got nothing day, here you go.

I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.



Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot)

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda & Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!



If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day...



Oh, by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Dear Dede

The End

Does Tree Man get Wood?

An Indonesian man named Dede has been having these strange growth all over his body, and now, an American dermatologist says such growth is actually caused by the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). An HPV infection is usually behind the common wart except Dede has a genetic infection that allows the warts to continue growing.

Dede in a interview with reporters said "that it is hard to live with this terrible disease". One morning I awoke to find that the children in the villege had built a tree house on my arm. And just last year I had a family of robins living on my head. The one good thing to come out of this is that we have plenty of firewood for the winter.

Dear Dede

First of all there is a class on Wednesday so I hope to see you there. Now for Mondays class which was run by a tanned Sandy. It was a very good work out as Sandy's classes usually are. Evil who wasn't there, is cavorting around Boston probably up to no good. And will come back with some sort of new torture to inflict on us all. But getting back to Mondays class. Sandy made us jump our asses off, I felt like a frog on a trampoline. My butt looked like I had a session with Miss Spankhard the dominatrix. I mean it was a little gruelling. But we got thru it and after the class we did some floor work and went home.



In today's class was Mary. fresh from a shopping marathon with her daughters, Heidi ,who left before the floor exercise as did Jim. So that is it and I hope that this will be the last Dear Dede post. See you Wednesday.

This is who is running your country......are you scared yet

Here is a little dittie I got from the website Talking Points Memo. It is little snippets of Douglas Feith talking about why we started the Iraq war. It is unbelievable.

Dear Dede

Saturdays class-pay-no pay-no Dan-*Evil Jr leads class-good workout-Heidi-me-interlopers-finished-no abs-no planks-went home.



*Mary ran the class with part Dans, part Sandy's and a little Evils routine mixed in. She starts out like she was shot out of a canon. Stand up ,surge, sit. spin hurry up for about 10 minutes. I was panting like Husky in Iditarod. Then she says OK that's the warm up. OMG somebody please give me some oxygen. Then she yelling all through the workout, ala Evil, too add some tension if you can. Taunting us like we are some kind of non tension adder a-holes. Oh momma give someone a little power and off they go. But I have to say it was a good workout and Mary did get a round of applause at the end. I think they were just greatful that it was over . Of course the class wouldn't have gone off if I wasn't there to shut off the lights and press the cd player play button. See you soon.

Your Pal.





Note to Dede I think there will be a class Wed. but I am not 100% sure I will let you know Monday.

Dear Dede

Well Evil was up to her old tricks. The class was brutal, climbing hills seated the whole ride. I felt sorry for everyone they were really huffing and puffing. I on the other hand was going for a ride in the park. Hey, but that's just me. Good music and a good workout, lots of screaming from Evil as usual. She will miss next weeks class with some lame excuse. Oh, and she was pissing and moaning because she had gone out with her son on a bike ride and kid blew her away, and after she said to him "try to keep up". Ha! Embarrassing. But we all still love her even though she is a little slow.
Riders were Mary, Heidi, who almost came to class in the nude, Jim, Josh, who was making fun of older people, Michelle, pregnat Carrie and a blast from the past Polly, who has been missing all winter. I think she locked herself in the chicken coop and couldn't get out. Well we all hope to see you next week. I think that they are only having a couple of classes.
Your Pal

Guess Who in Town

That's right the Pope. And what do I admire the Pope for, his outfits of course. That's right can you be any more comfortable in those flowing robes. And those red slippers how comfy do they look. And speaking of those red shoes, has he got the biggest feet in the world. I bet he would have to have a customize pair of Air Jordan's for those boats. And the hats, get outta town, is there any thing more wonderful than those beaded benies or that giant stovepipe pope hat. All and all the man is snappy dresser. That reminds me of a little story about the Pope.

Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, " Guess what guys, I've won a trip to see the Pope!" Everyone gets all excited and chants, "We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him."
The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and saying, "Go ahead, Dopey, ask him, ask him!"

The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, "Do you have a question to ask me, young man?"

Dopey looks up shyly and says, "Well, yes."

The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask. Dopey asks, "Well, do....do they have nuns in Alaska?"

The Pope replies, "Well, yes, I'm sure we have nuns in Alaska."

The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, "Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!"

The Pope asks Dopey if there's more to his question, and Dopey continues, "Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?"

To which the Pope replies, "Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes."

Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, "Ask him the last part, Dopey, ask him the last part!"

The Pope asks Dopey, "Is there still more to your question?"

To which Dopey replies, "Well, uh, yeah.....are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?"

The startled Pope replies, "Well, no, my son, I really don't think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska."

At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colors, and the others start laughing, and yelling, "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin!"




Here is Comedy Centrals take on the Popes trip.

Dear Dede

Wait let me guess another spin class story Uncle Willie.

That's right Timmy. But only for a couple of days. Dede will be back, YAHOO, and the Y is taking a vacation from spin class for some crazy reason.

Hallelujah!

Well Victor did the spin class yesterday and it was a good one, except for the single foot workout which brought my heart rate down too under a 100 . Josh supplied the music, which was excellent. The class was uneventful. Oh there was one strange move by Victor. When the ride was over we got off of the bikes, expecting a stretch, but Victor instead said "OK lets get down and do some push ups, how about 18". So we did. We all just follow along like Lemmings. I think if one of them told us to take our underwear off and put it on our heads we would all do it. Yellow spots to the front, brown in the back of course. The other way would be disgusting. We did some strength training and went home.

People who were in class the aft fore mentioned Josh, Heidi, Mary, Wendy, Jim, the flexible women who I asked what her name was and instantly forgot and a interloper. That's it. See you next week.
Your Pal

PS I forgot that after class Josh and I were talking and Evil walks in. She asked us what kind of workout we would like for Friday. So we both say " why don't you take it easy on everyone and have a nice leisurely ride". So we can expect that sort of a workout on Friday.

Dear Dede

Well Evil out did herself tonight with this workout. It must have been her magic hat working full time because everything went off with only one glitch. The glitch was that the class before us ran a little late and Evil was getting a little crazy waiting for them to finish. I thought I was going to have to restrain her but it never got that far. There was one problem, for me, and it was that the bike I was riding snapped a belt and I had to change rides right in the middle of class. Sometimes I just forget just how strong of a rider I am. I will have to cut it back just a little or there will be no bikes left for you other riders.

In attendance Mary, who left early again and the kicker was that I had to wipe down her bike( And that will be three bikes that I had to wipe down. What am I, the bike wipe down person.) because she just bolted before the clean up. One good thing was that I didn't notice any cooties on her ride. Heidi who looked a little strange tonight, but. I couldn't quite put my finger on it until I noticed that she had her shirt on backwards. She said she does it all the time so she can just turn it inside out and wear it the next day. I do the same with my underwear. Jim, Sherry,the guy who wears bicycle riding outfit and a poop load of interlopers. One of these people did not have a towel or water throuhout the whole workout and said , after class, that he was going to jog. Later I found him face down in the parking lot. It was a good ride with excellent music. It will be nice to see you here again in your usual spot soon.

Your Pal

Dear Dede

Well yesterday's ride was a real good one, good music and good workout. Evil was in a good mood and said, that she wanted us to know that, she would not hurt a single hair on anybody's head during one of her rides. And that she screams at us only because she loves us so much. And if you did hurt yourself during one of her torturous rides from hell that it was your fault for being so lame. She then started to sweet talk us , saying that today's ride will be a easy one. As a matter of fact she was so sweet that I got 4 cavities listening to her. But of course it was not easy it was a strenuous one with lot of sitting with loads of resistance, for long periods of time. But like I said, it was a real good work out.

In attendance were Mary, Heidi,pregnant Carrie, Wendy, Richard,Josh, the new flexible young girl who's name I still don't know, and one of your favorites, the women who is always complaining about keeping our shoulders level and of course yours truly, the hardest working man in spin class, me. People were asking about you today,they kept saying "where's whats her name". But all in all a good day. Come back soon , PLEASE.

Your Pal

PS This is the disclaimer that Evil wants us to sign. It just about covers everything.

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final.
This supersedes all previous notices.

Baseball Cards

When I was a wee lad we would take our baseball cards and a clothe pin and attached it too the fender supports of our bicycles, and let the cards rub against the spokes. This would make a very cool sound, so we thought, sort of like a motorcycle engine. Now I look back and think of the cards that I tore up doing this, 1952 Topps Mickey Mantle , 1958 Topps Roberto Clemente ,1953 Topps Willie Mays . The Mantle card sold lately for 10,000.00, the Clemente sold for 215.00 and the Mays sold for 9211.00. Holy crap I could have been a thousandaire. You know that back in the 50's they were just cards of our heroes, their worth was just having the card of your favorite player and that was it. And a bonus when you bought your pack of cards ,was that you got this big pink square of gum, that when you started to chew it ,it would break up ,in your mouth into a thousand little pieces. But it would eventually, after working it for 20 minutes, congeal into a giant wad of pink gum. Another bonus was that your baseball cards always smelled like the gum. And that was a good thing. Now a days people collect cards and they don't even open the package because they would be worth less if opened. I don't think the collectors of today get as much enjoyment out of having these cards as we did way back when.

Speaking of old baseball cards. The first house we owned was built in 1910, and while I was working in the kitchen, of that house, doing some repairs of the moulding around a door. I noticed that there was something stuck in the back of one of these mouldings. When I pulled it out I discovered that it was a old baseball card from 1910. They use to put this kind of card in cigarette packs. Piedmont was the brand name of the cigarettes, with the motto "The Cigarette of Quality". The card was a player for the Philadelphia Nationals named George Paskert. This was very cool to me. I still have the card and I have never found out what it is worth. I just love that it survived 98 years ,and that I will preserve it for as long as I am alive and kicking.

PS I will however let it go for the first million I am offered.

Dear Dede

Saturday-pay-Dan-music-ride-sweat-drink-Mary-Heidi-me-class full-crunches-planks-clean up-head home.



Get back soon.

your Pal

And another thing.............

What is invisable and smells like carrots?

Rabbit farts.

Dear Dede

Yesterdays class was run by Sandy. And guess what time she showed up, that's right a little late. But once she is there she is off and running and jumping. The class was a good one and I got myself a good workout. But you know I think I am still a little bit worn out still by Evils Tuesday night marathon. That was a killer. In attendance were Mary (who always gives me a load of sh-t), pregnant Carrie, Dolly, Wendy, Jim and a young women that has been showing up lately. I don't know her name yet. One thing I have noticed about her is that she is very flexible. At the end of the ride when we are doing the stretching, I noticed that she fell asleep on her thigh while doing a hamstring stretch, that's flexible. I bet she could check her own hemorrhoids . I had to leave early, making someones dream come true by picking up his new vehicle, so I was probably talked about, by Mary anyway. I was sorry to miss the 4 hundred push ups that Sandy usually does, but that's life. That's it, and stay well.
Your Pal

Dede I know you don't think much of Maroon 5 but I love this tune so don't click on the clip.

Yankee Doodle Finally Exposed

This is I got nothing day. Well I do but it is also I got no time day as well. So here you go.


Yankee Doodle

Yankee Doodle went to town A-riding on a pony
Stuck a feather in his hat And called it macaroni.
Yankee Doodle keep it up Yankee Doodle dandy
Mind the music and the step
And with the girls be handy.

"Yankee Doodle" was originally a patriotic song. But in truth it was composed in England as an anti-American tune. The phrase"stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni" referred too a *foppish English group called the Macaroni Club, whose members wore ludicrous "continental" fashions they mistakenly believed to be elegant. The British laughed at "Yankee Doodle dandies, bumpkins who didn't know how silly they really were.

*Expect the word foppish to be peppered liberally thought out many of my upcoming blog posts.

A Relaxing Drive

OK I just want to say a little something about the people that are driving around in our area. There are a lot of crazy people that must have gotten their drivers licence in a box of Cracker Jacks. Because if they had to take a drivers test they would be unmasked as crazy people and run out of town and had their shoes taken away because they should not be out in public walking around. HOLY CRAP! Yesterday I was heading to the YMCA and this young women was so close to the back of my truck , if I had to make a emergency stop are next job would have been top billing in the freak show.

"Come one come all see the half man half women".

She finally made a left turn and was on her way to find a new victim



After that scene I was almost at my destination when a older gentleman, older than me, just pulled right out in front of me never looking to see if anyone was coming. Then on top of that he made the first right turn without a signal. Well I want to tell you that I was fit to be tied. I was yelling at the top of my lungs, spitting all over the dash, red in the face and this kuncklehead never knew what had just transpired, and that he just missed getting into one hellish crash. By the time I got to the gym I was in good shape, blood pressure way up, nerves on edge. And this all took place in about 5 minutes. I hope their are better drivers in hell, I can only hope.

Bad Drivers.

Dear Dede ( Bonus Post)

Today spin class was a good one . Victor was the instructor and ran a good class. But I was so worn out from Evils class the night before, that it was the ride from hell for me. But Josh was next to me and I had to keep up, you don't want to show the young ones that you can't cut the mustard. You know what happens in the animal kingdom when the leader starts to show some weakness. The young ones push them out and next stop would be SilverSneakers Yoga Stretch or Easy Going Aqua Fitness. So you've got to keep up.

Mary, Josh, pregnant Carrie and the blond women with the bright light that I can never remember her name and a couple of other were there as well. Like I said it was a good workout except for one thing. I hate the single foot spinning section. That does nothing for me it just brings my heart rate way down. What are we amputees , we have two legs lets use them. Other than that it went off well.

After the class I was talking to Josh out in the gym when low and behold Evil pops in. She was going to do a little swimming because she couldn't take her own workout from the night before. She was still complaining about her leg. That's nothing, I can remember running a 5 K with two broken ankles and being drunk out of my mind. Of course I collapsed 3 feet from the starting line and had to be rushed to the emergency room, but that's not the point. I never complained about it.
Come back soon, please.

Dear Dede

Gee Uncle Willie you have been writing a lot about spin class.

That's right Timmy I am doing it for a friend that is a little under the weather.

I think you are wearing us all out with this every other day.

Timmy how would you enjoy me wearing out your nuts with my spin class sneakers.

Tell us all what happen in spin class tonight Uncle Willie?

Well Evil almost started to go off again tonight. Her Ipod was not charged up enough to use tonight, so she had to use the disk player for the class. But everything went off well, she calmed right down after a couple of inspiring words from your truly. Heidi was there and Mary was also in attendance, and she didn't leave early for once. Sherry was also in attendance as were the doctors. Jim was there as well. And Jim is turning into the spin class Dr Phil. He was holding court with a group after class assuring them that there problems will all be worked out and not to worry so much.

But the best part of the night, not for me but for everyone else, was when Evil, after yelling as us to pick it up and to quit being slackers and push harder, had to get off of her bike because she had a cramp in her leg. She looked like she was in a lot of pain. But the whole class started to yell at her to suck in up and quit complaining. I tried to stop them but they just laughed at me and went right on yelling at her. They finally forced her onto her bike where she finished the class. It brought a tear to my eye to see Evil in such pain. They are a hard group.

Other then that the class was a killer. It had to be one of the hardest workouts we have had. Not for me, but for everyone else. Well any who, come back soon.

Dear Dede

Well class started like it was going to be a refection of Fridays class. Evil started to have microphone problems again. Immediately I was thinking better move to the back row. But because she was wearing her magic hat everything started to work out. The one problem that I personally had with Evil, was when I tried to talk to her about a problem I was having with a song mixing program she had recommended. Well she was in the throws of getting prepared for the class when I asked her the question. She just stared at me and screamed "Not now, can't you see I am trying to get ready". So I once again started to think , back row. But she just adjusted her magic hat and suddenly the world was right again.

Observation, she bring more baggage to spin class then my wife, our friends and I took on a two week vacation to Europe.

Mary, pregnant Carrie, Jim, Richard, Michelle and a couple of interlopers filled the class. Heidi, who is busier than a cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond, was missing. It was a good workout with good tunes as usual. I had to leave early so I ................................

My Father is Really My Mother

Did anybody see Thomas a transgendered pregnant man that was on "Oprah" to talk about the the upcoming birth. Thomas kept his female reproductive organs so one day he could have children. Nancy, his wife, shared their excitement and their nerves over the impending birth. Thomas and her talked about what happened to make this possible. They had trouble finding a doctor willing to take Thomas. Da. They finally found one and then used a sperm donor. Nancy delivered the sperm to Thomas at home. And there was no details on that subject, although I would have loved to hear them. Thomas, went off of testosterone two years beforehand so he could get pregnant. However, the testosterone, he tells a curious Oprah, had over the years enlarged his clitoris into a small penis, enabling him to have intercourse with his wife. Well isn't that special. What's next roosters laying eggs, or a women president. Everything is just turned up side down. It's like living in the bizarro world.

This brings up a interesting situation that I ran into this week. While I was visiting my mother in law in her room at the nursing home. We were watching the Oprah show, with Thomas and his wife, when a nurse came into the room, that my mother in law also shares with another women, to give the roommate some medication. So I say to this nurse "Did you see the story about the man who is having a baby"? I ,in the crazy world that I live in, expected a light hearted reply, but nooooooooooo. She stated, quite sternly, that he was not a man and that it was a prophesy in the bible that things like this will signal the start of the apocalypse. That's a light hearted answer to my question. So I said "Do I have enough time to get my papers in order before the apocalypse" and will there be a spin class in hell. No I didn't say a thing, what can you say. "Yea, the apocalypse, the apocalypse rules man". You know something looking at both the nurse and Thomas I don't know which one is more bizarre.

+

Dear Dede

Saturday class went off right on time 20 to 8. There was a couple of people that I did not recognize. But the regulars were there Heidie and Mary and of course me. And Mary was very civil to me, she did not throw anything at me this time. A good work out was had by all. Dan was well Dan. And he had no microphone trouble like Evil had on Friday. So that's it I got nothing at all. So you can watch the clip below for a little entertainment. Come back soon. Your Pal

Dear Dede

Well today was real exciting class. First, Evil is in a foul mood from the get go. She started to set up all of her 25 bags of crap and was just about to start, when she turned on her microphone. Well I want to tell you that their wasn't a dog within 5 miles that did not lose their hearing. There was such a high pitched sound from the speakers, that for a second I thought I was going to poop in the old pants. So with that she ripped the headset off and threw it behind her. It was like unleashing a cuter version on Leona Hemsley. Oh she was pissed off, plus she had this bad cough and she was spraying it around for all of us to enjoy. Oh the horror of it all.
I think that she gave us a clue why she was in this fowl mood. It seems she was not wearing her magic hat which seems to be a calming factor for her. It's sort of like Frosty The Snowman and that old magic hat. " When they put it on his head he began to dance around". I think her hat has some magical properties, in that it chills her right out.

Well any who it was a good class(except *E.S.G drifting off a half bubble off plum), with great music and I really got a good workout. The one last problem I personally had was that Mary threw her towel at me for wanting to do the race at the end of class. I could have been really injured ,maybe a eye put out, it was a really thick towel. Well I hope you are feeling well and hope you come back soon.

Your Pal

* Evil Spin Goddess

Test

Are you aware? This is a test. I would like to give a tip-o-the-old-hat to Jeremy over at Jeremy's Samtime Status who I absconded this clip from.

What is the Truth

This worst person in the world from Keith Olbermann just points out the misinformation that people are getting. What if you took, at face value, what they are saying is true. What if you don't get views from both sides, conservative and liberal. You would think that these three people are telling the truth. That is scary, because these people are seen or heard by millions of people every day. What is the percentage of people who take what they say and never really check to see if it is true. There is so much divide in America today that we will never be able to come together to tackle the real problem we all face. These three people are but a small part of a big problem. Be smart,check out everyones points of view.

Dear Dede

Well last night was the expected hell ride from Evil (AKA Amy). One hour of pain, sweating and being yelled at. The class seems to be dwindling a little, with all of the interloper's dropping our slowly but surely . They say they will be riding outside now, but I think it is getting a little to hard for them. Wussies. Evil was all dressed up like a peacock, with her new cycling shirt, very colorful. She was screaming as usual "come on pedal faster you ingrates, you think I travel all the way down here to watch you take a joy ride". She scares me sometimes.

Heidi and Mary were there as well working hard, not as hard as yours truly but trying. Heidi was able to do a whole class without getting her shoe stuck to the pedal. Mary wimped out about 10 minutes before the class was over, the hardest part of course. I think she said she had to pick up one of her kids or something like that. But on my way home after the class I spotted her car in front of Cappy's and thought I saw her sitting at the bar knocking down a couple of pints. Mary, what are you going to do. Oh well! I hope all is well with you.
Your Pal