Trip to NYC

Last Thursday my wife and myself made a trip to New York City. My wife and I were contracted to deliver two thirteenth century wood carvings(Wooden carved liturgical figures of St. Florian and St. George from the workshop of Michael Pacher (German, 1435-1498) to Christie's auction warehouse.


We left Maine at 4 AM and headed south. The trip started OK, but then we hit a little traffic in Mass. and it was taking a little to long, so your pal kicked up a notch and pushed down on the old Volvo wagon accelerator, and we were off again.

As we got closer to the city...... we were looking for the FDR...... and we found it....... and it was a parking lot. Living in Maine for the last 10 years you forget what real traffic is like. In Maine, traffic means waiting to cross route 1 for 30 seconds. Well any way we moved very slowly down the FDR looking for 54Th street. Finally arriving at 54TH we turned and because we timed our arrival just at lunch there were millions of people on the street. And what that means is that any time you want to make a left or a right turn you would have to wait for a least 200 people to cross the street.

Needless to say it took a while to reach our destination, Christie's warehouse. It was now time to look for a proper parking space. It's well known there all kinds of parking spaces especially for out of staters.......not! But praise be Jebus we got a space right in front of the place, sort of. I could only partially pull in and was sticking out a little bit. But it's the city, drivers could give a crap if you are not parked properly. So all was good so far. We unloaded the statues, one worth 50 thousand dollars and the other 70 grand.

On my way out the door at Christie's I stopped to ask the men on the loading dock how to get to the FDR for our return trip. Well I want to tell you that no one knew how to get there, because no one drives in the city.

So I did make it out of the city and back home in one day. It's is not a trip that I want to make any time soon.

A observation about driving in NYC. And it is that people that drive on the streets there have a understanding about how to get around. And it is that they expect you to do everything to get to your destination. And that means cutting everyone off, blowing your horn at every opportunity and just being anouying, but only to people from away. It's very interesting.

I'm Not Sleepy I Can Drive

Last Friday my wife and I got up at 330 AM to drive back to Maine from South Carolina. This was after going to bed at 1130 PM on Thursday after staging my wife's uncle's home.

So the alarm rings and we pop out of bed bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready for that wonderful 20 hour drive(We did not drive the whole way to Maine.We stopped and stayed with our friends in New Jersey.). Well any who we started out with a promise of a very boring ride, so when my wife started to comment about how I was all over the road after about 45 minutes into the ride,I knew we were in for a little excitement. So I pulled into a fast food joint for a cup of joe. I only pulled over after arguing with my wife that I was OK and perfectly alright to drive on the grass in the middle of the highway. I finally gave in and my wife took the wheel. I settled into the passenger seat and immediately fell asleep. One hour later I was abruptly brought back to the real world when my neck was snapped to the right. It seems my wife had fallen asleep and was drifting into the other lane. Thankfully she came to and made the correction, but it did cause my neck to snap. Since I had a good hours sleep I took over again.

The morning sun was rising and the sleepiness was disappearing.

All is well again, except for the 8 hour drive. A couple of memorable moments on the ride to New Jersey. One occurred in Virgina. I was following this guy in a Mercedes and he was slowly slowing down. So I pull into the right lane to get around him. As I pulled up to his car he spotted me and hit the accelerator and was now going like a bat out of hell. OK I pull behind him and everything was right with the world. Then it happened again he started to slow down again. This prompted the guy behind me to pull into the right lane and try to get in front of my guy. Once again the guy pulled next to the Mercedes and once again the Mercedes is going 100 MPH. I think that there has never been a person to pass this guy ever......Good work my man.

Another special moment occurred on the downside of the Delaware Memorial Bridge. I was in the fast lane as I looked in my rear view mirror and noticed that there was a car attached to my back bumper, that's what it looked like to me anyway. So what I usually do is hit my emergency flasher, which lights up the break lights. Well that didn't work so the next options is to tap the break peddle. This guy is still right on my bumper. I look in my side mirror and this guy is all red faced and that's when I started to wave my hands around in the WTF mode, and then I pulled to the right. As he passed me he was bright red and probably cursing me up and down and that's when I really gave to him. I put my right thumb on my nose and wiggled my other fingers at this moron. Yea I got his ass going, because he just got more red. If I had more time I would have stuck my tongue out as well.

Well we made it to New Jersey with no other distractions and had a good time with our friends.

Going South

After the night of debauchery at our friends home in New Jersey, we left early Sunday morning for South Carolina. We left the house at 5 AM in morning and it was uneventful for the first couple of hours till we made our first stop in Delaware, which if you did not know is the seconds smallest state. It was a Starbucks and it was to buy one of their delicious 500.00 coffees, which I just love. I climbed out of our car and was waiting for my wife to exit. For some unknown reason she always takes 4 or 5 minutes to exit our car, go figure. Well anyway she finally makes it out of the car and opens the back door to get her sweatshirt. Just as she was closing the door I hit the auto lock. The door did not close all the way so she turned to pushed the door closed with her butt. She succeeded in closing the door and she also succeeded in putting a giant dent in it as well. Well I was holy shitting all over the place, I could not believe what had just happen. But oh well whats a couple of hundred dollar repair bill.

After a couple of hundred miles I had finally calmed down and was looking for a little lunch. We were now in North Carolina and I was really looking for a little time out of the car. We spotted a fast food establishment called Bojangles. It's specialty is fried chicken and southern fix'ins. I want to make a point here and say that all during the week we spent in the south I did not have one healthy meal, no sir not one salad. So I step up to give my order " Two number 1's,a coke and a ice tea." And that's when the girl behind the counter asked me 'in some language that I did not understand a question. Not understanding I replied "What?" And she repeated the same question that I previously could not understand and still could not understand. My next reply was "Yea OK. And when my order did come I had agreed to have my coke with a dollop of mayo and my wife's ice tea with barbecue sauce. Watch what you say"Yea OK" too.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. To get to Pawleys Island SC you make a left off of Rt.95 at South Of the Border. This is a maze of building that you can see, at night, for 10 miles before you get to it. It is the brightest spot on the east coast. The spot features not only restaurants, gas stations and a motel, but also a small amusement park, shopping (including, formerly, adult entertainment at the "Dirty Old Man Shop"), and, famously, fireworks.Its mascot is Pedro, an extravagantly stereotypical Mexican bandido. In the fifties my family use to drive down to Fla.in the summer every year and you would start to see signs with Pedro on it telling you "Only 250 miles to South of the Border." They would count down the mileage for about 300 hundred miles. It use to keep my brother and I busy on this boring trip, spotting these signs on the way down. So South of the Border will always be close to my heart.

Tune in for more exciting adventures on our trip down south in the coming days.

My Wife and Her Trip From Hell

Last Friday my wife and I left to drive to New Jersey and then onto South Carolina. When we left, it was in the middle of a very bad snow storm and because I use to drive for a living it was no big deal, except for my wife who was in high terror for the start of our trip. In Willie's world I just drive very slowly and take it real easy and not do anything crazy. But that does not matter to my wife who had her foot of her fake brake all the way.

Usually it takes 2 and a half hours to get out of Maine from our home. This time it took 3 and a half hours. Although this storm was very bad eventually dropping about 12 inch's in our town, it did not run down the whole east coast. We had stopped in the rest area in Kennebunkport so my wife could go into the lady's room and cry. As we exited the service center the snow stopped like we had entered no snow land. I had one happy wife who now could sort of relax.

The rest of the trip to New Jersey was as it always is, a couple of yelling fits about my driving. And when my wife drives I am always correcting her, "You know I am a professional driver." Her favorite phrase from your pal.

But we made it and spent Saturday with our friends, eating well and getting a little ripped. A good time with good friends.

Don't forget to tune in for the rest of the story.

Lost

Yesterday afternoon my friend George and I were doing a job for a car dealership that we work for part time. What we do is, shuttle cars to a local car auction. Also we pick up vehicles from other dealerships, when a customer wants a particular model or color that our dealership does not have on thier lot. It's a nice part time job and a perk, for me, is that I get to drive new vehicles. And because of where we live the vehicle of choice are mostly trucks. But every once in a while I will get to drive a Corvette or a Cadillac STS or a XKR.

Yesterday my bud George and I headed out to New Hampshire to pick up a car. We jumped into our ride and headed off at about 10 AM for a 6 hour round trip. Since George and I don't have a GPS we print out directions from Map Quest to help us on our way.

We arrived at the dealership in New Hampshire in about 3 hours, and picked up our vehicle. As we were waiting for the truck to warm up we discussed who would lead on the way back. I told George to take the lead, as I thought that he, being a life long residence of this area of the world, would be a good choice. Plus we had the Map Quest directions, what could go wrong.

Within 5 miles of departing the dealership in New Hampshire we were on a road that did not look familiar to your pal, but hey George must know were he is going. Wrong. After about 30 minutes George pulls over and asked me if we are going in the right direction. With that part of New Hampshire and Maine all looking the same, I shrugged my shoulders and said " I don't know maybe." So back in the vehicles and off we go again. Riding and riding on and on till George spotted a sign that pointed to the town of Sandford Maine. We follow the signs to Sandford and I am feeling good about George and his leadership. Things are starting to look familiar, yes we are back to civilization. I was feeling good up to the point we reached a traffic light and George made that left. I knew right away that we should have gone straight but not learning anything from this trip, and thinking George must know a short cut, I followed.

After 30 minutes of driving on and on ,we stopping and asking for directions on how to get to the Maine Turnpike. I took over the lead and we finally found our way back to civilization, and it only took us 8 hours for a 6 hour trip. When we arrived back at the dealership I climbed out of the truck and kiss the ground like you see in the news clips of people who have been lost and now are back.

Note to self: Don't follow George.

Alien Driver

I hate to sound like Glen Beck, but I think there is a conspiracy on foot, or it could be that aliens have landed and are taking over the populist. And the reason I feel this way is because ever since the tourist have gone back home, there have been a plethora of very slow drivers that end up in front of your pal. Because my wife, as well, has run into this as of late, something is going on.

Just yesterday I was leaving Camden and going to the dump, I mean the recycling center, and got behind this Toyota going 15 miles and hour in a 25 mph zone. OK, it could have been a real old person driving, or it could be a alien from another plant who has been dropped off on our planet to piss off everyone. After the recycling center, or the dump, I headed off to the Game Zone to purchase a new game for my new Playstation 3. As soon as I hit route 1, the person in front of me must have mistook the route 1 sign for the speed limit. So in about 3 miles I was passed by a 60 year old jogger, a turtle and a women using a walker. I tells ya it is very weird. And like I said it's not just me it's a lot of the people that I have talked to lately are saying the same thing.

So watch out and be attentive, because there out there taking over the body's of older drivers with the clear purpose of driving all of us crazy. So if you get behind some driver that is going 10 mph under the speed limit, back off. Be afraid be very afraid.

45 in a 55...........Somebody Help Me Please!

One of things about driving in Maine is,that some people drive very very slowly,an its driving me crazy. There is a group of drivers, who have never looked in their rear view mirror. Because if they did they would see a very long parade of cars and trucks. And possibly me with steam shooting from my ears. If you want to drive 45 mph in 55 mile zone maybe you need that second cup of coffee,or your blood pressure medicine kicked up a notch. But just as bad,and maybe worst, are the people who are behind this snail like driver. In my book they have a responsibility to pass this snail like car. It's in the rules people! But no, they just sit there like it's OK that we are all doing 45 mph, nobody has to get anywhere I think. Daaa. So now I have to take the initiative and pass 5 cars in a row. After the pass is made I am most likely hitting about 150 mph which is a good time for the police to come along. It drives me cuckoo and not for cocoa puffs.

These people are the same ones you follow up route 1 for 30 miles, at 45 mph, till you get to the point in the road where it divides into two lanes so you can pass. Now instead of moving to the right to let you by, they stay in the left lane and proceed to break the sound barrier so you can't pass them. Then reaching the single lane again before you, they are back to the 45 mph once again. Well I could just take a big bite out of the steering wheel after that. And when they finally do turn off, they turn around and give you the finger like you've got a problem buddy. Do these people go down to the zoo and watch the turtles zoom by! I think they do.

Originally posted 9/18/2007

Driving Me Nuts

Yesterday I had a job to pick up a vehicle in Framingham Mass. It was a nice day and I was traveling with good people. One of the men in the car is a local Democratic politician and another buddy is a crazy Republican. Well their was a very loud conversation, or as I say a yell fest. But that is not the story. The story is on the way back and it is a old story as far as I am concerned anyway. I was traveling by myself and I was going north on route 1 in Maine, and I was stuck behind a person who had decided that they were going to travel 10 miles and hour under the speed limit. If you have heard this story from me, stop me,. it's will not work though. So we reach the promise land were there are two lanes, so slower traffic can pull to the right and let the the people who travel at the speed limit go on their merry way. But not this person, he stayed in the left lane still going 10 mph under the speed limit. As you pal passed this knuckle head on the right ,going a thousand miles per hour, I rolled down my window gritted my teeth and called this guy a slow moving-not paying attention-three toed sloth- A-hole, while simultaneously giving him the finger. Oh that feels good. Why do these people do this to me? Why do they want to make me nuts? OK , let's fall on our knees and clasp our hand together and pray "Dear Jebus please make the people who travel at least 10 mph under the speed limit and that are in front of me on the road, run off the road and have their cars burst in to flames. Amen"

Caribou Maine a Trip to Hell

Yesterday I had a job to take a gray truck to Caribou Maine to swap it for a black truck. I have never been to Caribou and was looking forward to the trip. The direction say you drive 330 miles and when you run out of gas you let it coast till it stops and then you push it the rest of the way. It is a very long trip is what I am trying to say.



Well when I started off I was really excited about the trip. I had a new truck and it had satellite radio, a favorite option on mine, and a good air conditioner. But within the first half hour it started to go bad. I stopped in this convenience store to get something for breakfast, finding nothing I noticed that there was a Subway attached to the convenience store. I checked the menu and found a chicken sub with a onion sauce, and ordered it. Back in the truck and on my way I opened the sandwich and took my first bite. It was very good but the filling landed in my lap. OK now I look like a homeless guy that has not changed in a month. So I traveled a little further and found another store to buy something to clean myself up a little. I head for the bathroom and grab a wet paper towel to try to get the stains off of my shorts and shirt, bad idea. Now it looks like I urinated in my paints. So I pull my shirt down as far as it will go and now it looks like I am not wearing any pants. I purchase a bottle of seltzer to try to clean up the food spots and take it back to the truck. Of course when I opened the seltzer it goes all over the place and now I look like I just had a hell of a workout in spin class. I head out now and was cruising along the Maine turnpike at a crisp pace when I noticed that there was a state trooper with his lights on right in back of me. So I pull over and wait for the trooper. Licence and registration please. After writing me a ticket for going 79 in a 65 mph zone he says to me that I should be careful about my speed because there are moose that are crossing the road in the daytime and that I wouldn't want to hit of of those. And what I should have said to him was why he stopped me instead of the other hundreds of drivers that were doing either the same speed as I was or 20 mph more than your pal. That's what I should have said but instead I said "thank you have a nice day".



On my way again looking like I smeared a sandwich on myself and 137.00 dollars lighter in the wallet, and cursing like a madman. When I got about 10 miles a way from my destination the direction said that I should make a left on route 203 and the dealer would be 2 and a half miles on the left. Well no dealer on the left and after driving for about 8 miles not believing the directions saying 2 and a half miles I pulled over to check the map. I see that I am on the right road but I had turned onto the wrong end of route 203. Decision, turn around or continue on, I turned around and finally made my way to the dealership and made the swap.



The trip back was uneventful with me staying away from any kind of food products and staying at 65 miles per hour the whole way. And I did not see any dam moose.

The Driving Game

Driving around the metropolitan area the last few days have been a wonderful flash back to my life before I moved to Maine. Packed roads, many traffic jams, oh how I missed those, it really connects you to the people around you on the road. And they are saving a lot of energy by not using their signals as much. Plus many drivers are using hand signals, pointing up with their middle finger to say" hey your doing good job" and what they are feeling about my driving prowess. That was a unexpected pleasure. And this wonderful game they play when you are forced to go from 3 lanes of traffic into one, because of the wonderful construction on every road. They make you think that they won't let you feed into the other lanes. You have to stick your fender into their lane and see which one will give in. And when I win I give them a wave, and the other driver beeps his horn and points up to signify that I have won this game. It a lot of fun. And their is this other game that is played is when the person in front of you in the left hand lane is going a little slower than you, and you want to pass. When you pull to the right to get around them they speed up and not let you in. It's a real blast. I had so much fun driving that I just wanted to, well, scream.

Driving Hell

My wife and I will be driving to New Jersey to attend a couple of graduations and a confirmation. One of the special parts of the trip will be the drive. Not the drive itself but the interaction between my wife and I. She hates the way I drive and I can't stand the way she drives. So when I drive it's "Are you going to drive up that person ass". "Are you trying to get to New Jersey in 2 hours, slow down". She is constantly hitting the imaginary break pedal every 5 minutes. "Are you ever going to get out of the left lane"? One of her survivor techniques is to fall asleep for 7 hours.

Now when my wife drives I am the teacher, I am showing her the correct way to drive. "You should always keep 1 car length for every 10 mph you are traveling". Or one of my favorites is "Look ahead about a 1/2 mile, you can avoid a lot of trouble by doing that". "Hands should be at 10 and 2 on the wheel". And the peace de resistance is when I say " I know what I am talking about I was a professional driver". That is the topper. Nothing will bring the red face of rage to my wife's face quicker that that phrase. I often wonder what people in the cars around ours are thinking when they see to adults screaming at each other for about 100 miles. But we do get to our destination without any blood being shed.

A Relaxing Drive

OK I just want to say a little something about the people that are driving around in our area. There are a lot of crazy people that must have gotten their drivers licence in a box of Cracker Jacks. Because if they had to take a drivers test they would be unmasked as crazy people and run out of town and had their shoes taken away because they should not be out in public walking around. HOLY CRAP! Yesterday I was heading to the YMCA and this young women was so close to the back of my truck , if I had to make a emergency stop are next job would have been top billing in the freak show.

"Come one come all see the half man half women".

She finally made a left turn and was on her way to find a new victim



After that scene I was almost at my destination when a older gentleman, older than me, just pulled right out in front of me never looking to see if anyone was coming. Then on top of that he made the first right turn without a signal. Well I want to tell you that I was fit to be tied. I was yelling at the top of my lungs, spitting all over the dash, red in the face and this kuncklehead never knew what had just transpired, and that he just missed getting into one hellish crash. By the time I got to the gym I was in good shape, blood pressure way up, nerves on edge. And this all took place in about 5 minutes. I hope their are better drivers in hell, I can only hope.

Bad Drivers.