Confession

I am making a confession today. And the confession is that, I use 20 year old stolen toothpaste. Boy, I feel so much better now that it is out in the open. You see, my brother use to work at a Beechem Products distribution workhouse. During his twenty some years of working there he use to bring home many of their products, that fell off the back of the trucks, like cases of fabric softener, which I now forget the name, and cases of Aquafresh toothpaste. They also would distribute Geritol, Sominex and Serutan, which I never needed or used. The company moved to California and the last case of Aquafresh we got from my brother was 20 years ago. I have been brushing my teeth for 20 years with this toothpaste. I don't even know what the price of toothpaste is today, 75 cents I think.

I see no difference in using this old toothpaste and people are even saying all the time, that I have a smile like Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus of Milli Vanilla. Go figure. I think that I will be able to take this toothpaste to end of my life. And if there is any left, I will gladly pass it along to anyone who would like to have a winning smile like the Bangles or Richard Marx.

Spinning in Hell

At last nights spin class, the last for the season, as the Evil one doesn't think that we are that important any longer to go into the summer,it was like someone gave, Evil, a new Porsche. The last of the new bikes, that we are testing, came in and it is her favorite. I have never seen anybody so happy and giddy about a spin bike. She was hopping up and down and laughing and dancing (like Elaine on Seinfeld), doing cart wheels, hand stands and some kind of chant that I could not figure out what kind of language it was in, some ancient tongue,I suppose. Well, I mean she was happy, know what I mean. Well any who, we are all suppose to ride all three of the bikes and then rate them to see which bike we all like the most. I can just imagine not picking the ERSG's choice. She would hate us all forever and probably make every class that she ran, more of a living hell then they are already.

Speaking of hell, last night class comes to mind. It was Evils last Tuesday night class till the fall, and she wanted to make it a memorable one. She busted our proverbial balls. I guess with the new bike and the last night class, made her go for it, because she went for it. Lots of of long up hills and then loads of downhill spinning at breakneck speeds. And it was only, I would say, about 1 hour and twenty minutes. And the topper for the whole night was that the Y had not turned the air conditioning on as of yet, and the room, because the temperature outside was in the high 80's today, was hotter that Evils dungeon in the middle of summer. I mean it was hot. Everyone, after the class, was soaking wet and exhausted. And then there was the high priestess of spin up there on her new ride happy as a clam. Oh there will be hell to pay if we all don't pick the Evil ones choice. I have not rode on Evils bike, but I am picking it number one. Did you hear that Evil, number one! And if anyone else is thinking about the other bikes as a choice, may Jebus have mercy on you soul.

Evil Over The Top

Some times Evil is a little over the top, and its just not me saying that, its a couple of her so called friends. I don't want to say she is way over the top but, most of the time is looking down on Mt. Everest. That's over the top. As a matter of fact she is so far over the top that she would have to drop about 1000 feet before she could just barely see the very tip of the top. She, in some circles, is not even aloud to join the International Top Spinners because she wants to be over the top of the International Top Spinners spinners. It really is a problem.

Well any way Mondays class run by the evil, one was a very good one. The only problem was that Evil was a little under the weather. It seems she was cleaning out a room or something on here property, plus training for a triathlon, while picking up thousands and thousands of juice boxes that are littered around her house, that have been dropped by her 7 or 8 kids, I think that is the right number. Any who, she was worn out by the end of the ride. And I don't know why because she also got to try out the newest bike, which are a lot smoother than the older models . This bike really looks like a spaceship compared to the older models, that the little people are using. And as with the first new bike she tested, she found something she didn't like about it. I think she said that the handlebars were too far away for her. With Evil being about 3 feet tall, a child's tricycle would be to hard for her to handle. Any way it was a very good class, a real good workout with some great music.

In attendence was Mary,Dede,Wendy,Hiedi,Jim,Dolly and your pal of course.

I Got Nuttin

I really did not have time to come up with a adroit ands jocular look at life that you all out there love and expect. So I will probably give you a You Tube clip to gladden you instead. Tune in tomorrow for your regular cup of Willie's World.

I call this clip "Doh!"

Sunday Funnies

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God almighty!" Shouted Mary and the teacher said, "very good" and Mary fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "who is our lord and savior," but, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" Shouted Mary and the teacher said, "very good," and Mary fell back asleep.Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "if you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The teacher fainted.

You'll Need Just A Minute

I love this little dittie. It was brought to my attention by Jeremy over at Jeremy's Status Message ,who got it from Jeremy, at Jeremy's Sametime Status.

I Hate The Environment

On Wednesday it was earth day and as I was flipping around the radio dial when I came upon Glen "I need help" Beck's program. And what was this knucklehead doing, well I'll tell ya. He was talking to a caller who had just started a fire that was making lots of smoke, because he had just chopped down a tree, for no other reason other than to be anti Earth Day, and that's what he was burning. And why was he doing this because he did not like Earth Day for some bazaar reason. And this guy Beck was encouraging him and others to do the same. These are people who are against environment things, like cleaning up the earth. What is wrong with this picture. What's next, lets kill all puppy's because they are too cute. Any body that thinks that puppy's are cute must be a raving left wing lunatic. That's how crazy being against the clean up of our earth is, that is in my book any who.

Ok lets get down on our knees and clasp our hand together and look to the sky and pray.
Dear ( fill in the blank with your favorte god or holy person or what ever. I'll be praying to Jebus.) Please make your humble servent Glen Beck stand under a tree and make that tree fall on his head. And cause the bump on his head to make him into a human being. We pray in your name Jebus.
Amen

Hellboys Last Hurray

Wednesday spin class was very unusual not because it was Hellboys last class, but because Evil was there as well, but on the other side of the class, with the ordinary people. It was sort of like a demonic convention, with both evil overlords in attendance. But for me it was a chance to ride the new bike, which I thought was very good. Getting to the class it was a Hellboy classic, it was suppose to go for 1 hour and 15 minutes but he had to cut it short. And it was good that he did, as a couple of people in the class were about 1 minute from having their hearts burst, including your pal. Yes like I said, it was a classic Hellboy ride with much speed and much tension on the fly wheel.

All through the class I kept looking at Evil to see how she was doing and it looked to me she was in good form. Now she may have be a good actress and could hide her pain, but she did not show it. All in all it was a good ride with the usual good music. We will miss you Hellboy, I think.

A Gaythering Storm

Let's Shake Feet

While cleaning up the yard after a long hard winter, I discovered as I am getting older,that instead of bending down to pick something up or move it with my hand, I am now pushing it around with my foot. That's right I am beginning to use my foot instead of my hand. I must be bringing forth some lost skill that had been eroded through evolution. As time goes by I expect that I will be using my feet instead of my hands more and more. I expect in 20 years my hands will probably fall off, with none use. I will start to drive with my feet, wash myself and scratch my head. When meeting someone, I will have to shake their hand with my foot. life will be so much different. The only thing I can figure out is how do you clean yourself after bowel movement. But I am working on that with a couple of yoga classes a week. I should be there in a couple of years. Word to the wise. Till then, if I was you, I would avoid shaking my foot when we meet.

A Knock On the Door

Last evening as we were just starting to think about what to have for dinner , when there was a knock at the door. When I opened the door there was Grimy, a friend, standing there with two six packs of beer in his hand. So I said "what the heck are you doing here?" He said that he was just in the neighborhood, with two six packs ,and decided to drop in. So I said come on in we were just thinking about what we were going to have for dinner. As soon as I closed the door there was another knock. When I opened the door there was Madonna and Hershel , two of our lady friends, and they had in their arms, two bottles of wine and a tray of cookies. What the heck is going on here I thought, with these people showing up like this. I said come on in we were just thinking about dinner.

We all were sitting around talking for about a hour when there was another knock on the door. I thought "Is there a sign in front of our house saying, Party Central come on in", because there was two other ladies that we know, Double D and Adelheid standing there with party supplies in their arms. So I invited them in and told them we were all thinking about what to have for dinner. That's when I heard another knock on my chamber door. When I opened the door there was our young friend Emeril who had just gotten back from climbing Mt Everest where at the summit, prepared a 7 course gourmet meal for all of the Himalayan sherpas while hanging by his finger tips from a rock while he finishing up his dissertation on the life the peeper frog. So I said come on in it looks like a party is just started.

So what I did, was suggest what to cook to Emeril, and how to cook it, and he whipped up a very good meal for the crowd. After dinner we all say around and talked about people that we all knew. Good conversation was followed by a great desserts . All and all it was a great evening. Everyone was involved in the discussion except for Hershel, who was on the phone every 3 minutes with her 55 children.

Everyone stayed a good long time, because if you left before anyone else you were fodder for another conversation. All in all it was a very good night being surrounded by people that I really like a lot.

Sunday Funnies

Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, or at church I get lots of silent gas emissions. As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?" "The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing"

Fox News Neil Cavuto is a Big Fat Liar

This is Fox News' Your World, host Neil Cavuto not telling the truth: "At Fox, we do not pick and choose these rallies and protests We were there for the Million Man March, even though as I pointed out, it turned out to be well shy of a million men. We were there for the Iraq war protests and the protests against the Iraq war protests. So, you see, we really don't decide what populist causes matter, just that when a whole lot of people gather in a whole lot of towns and cities across America, it is indeed worth checking out, not just shutting down."
Here are a couple of protests that are not covered as equally as the April 16th Tea Parties on Fox. And if I wanted to document all of the fair and balanced treatment of protest this post could be very long. Here is just a couple.

Number one Fox news did not go on the air till after the Million Man March.

Fred Barnes talkin about a anti war rally: You know, I was struck by how uninformed and morally empty these demonstrations were.

Morton Kondracke: And it's curious that they would be supporting a fascist like Saddam Hussein. The only reason that they could be doing that is because they don't like the United States and they don't like war and they don't like a war perpetrated by the United States of America.

Sean Hannity interviewing a protester: Steven, by the way, these are Marxist groups. They do organize this thing with very anti-American ideas. I don't believe every anti-war protester is anti-American. I'm not suggesting that.

Sean Hannity commenting on a enviornmen protest: All right, take a look at the protesters carrying forth the legacy of Gandhi and Martin Luther King -- shivering in the snow as they protest the Earth's rising temperature as a foot of snow falls. Now, maybe it's just a coincidence that nearly every global warming protest occurs on the exact same day that we have a major snowstorm, or maybe the big guy up there is trying to send a message to these people. We report; we'll let you decide.


.

Let Me Redirect You

I was just visiting, like I do every day, a very good blog, Everything In The Medicine Cabinet Has Expired, . The man who writes this blog is very a talented writer of prose. His post are filled with all kinds of interesting subject to ponder. There is also new music, to my ear any way, to listen too. I think everyone should stop by and give it a try.



Also you should stop by What Do You Think for a new post by a friend of mine who posted on the site. I think you will find it interesting.



And let me finish by quoting one of my favorite characters, Mr. H.J. Simpson "Books are useless! I only ever read one book, To Kill A Mockingbird, and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin . . . but what good does that do me?"

The New Bike

The one of new spin bikes is here. The Y finally decided that the spin class needs new rides, and what they are doing is, bringing in three different manufactures of bikes to test. This is a good thing as the old bikes are all falling apart and are becoming dangerous. Why only last month alone one women lost her leg when the peddle fell off, and that was after the previous week when 3 people were killed in the most unusual accident for a stationary bike, a head on collision in a spin glass. I just made that up to make my point. But I don't want to say that the bikes are old but the bike that I ride has got, scratched into its fame" Margaret Chase Smith was here 1907."

The two people who have tried this bike so far are Evil and Hell boy. Evil ran the Tuesday night class riding the new bike, for a hour and twenty minutes, while the common folk road the Chevy Corvair of bikes through the whole class. And what was Evils conclusion "It does not feel like you are riding a bike." Well how does it feel? Evil said "Some times it feels like a nut and some times it doesn't." And we all quit asking her questions because we all felt that she must have been oxygen deprived and wasn't thinking to clearly.

Then Wednesday morning with Hellboy Josh was a real joy. I, your pal, wanted to try the new ride for myself, but as I entered the workout room there was Hellboy perched on top of the new ride. So we do the class and he, Hellboy, is going like a mad boy pushing the class on and on for close to 55 minutes. My legs were just about finished from Evil's marathon the night before and Hellboy ride up hill with loads tension on the flywheel. He keeps adding tension the whole ride. And after class we all knew why he was adding it. When the ride was over the head of the fitness department came in and asked Hellboy what he thought of the new ride. He said "It was a nice ride but it did not have enough tension on the flywheel." Well how much tension do you want? "I wants the flywheel tension to be, where you are just about to dislocate your knee and hip joints, that would be perfect."

And so life goes on, your pal struggles to survive in spin class. And look for a upcoming post of someone who is normal trying out the new bike.

Spin Haiku

Good ride from Evil.

Faster and harder she said.

Your pal is in pain.

Spin Noir

It was one of those April mornings in Maine, bright and cool as the business end of a set of brass knuckles. As I walked into the workout room I noticed that the room was filled with mostly dames. The only guy was Big Jim, who did his thing down in Connecticut and was up in Maine till the heat backed off back home. The dames were all over the place. As I scanned the room I could pick out a few that, lets say, I knew very well. There was Mary, who was worth a stare. She had legs that went from the floor to the ceiling. And then I spotted Heidie a fraulein who was a tall glass of something real good. Then there was Wendy, a cool dame ,who I asked one time, if she prayed, and she said, " I don’t pray. Kneeling bags my nylons." And then I saw her, it was her , it was Evil. I know her like a book. She’d sell her own mother for a piece of fudge. But she's smart with it. Smart enough to know when to sell and when to sit tight. She's got a great big dollar sign there where most women have a heart. The rest of the class was filled with, what I call floaters. Not much more than a suitcase full of nothing between them and the gutters. Yes it was quite a crew.

The session started out easy enough, then the Evil one kicked it up and I felt like I had caught the blackjack right behind my ear. A black pool opened up at my feet. I dived in. It had no bottom. I started to come out of it and you say to yourself, "How hot can it get?" Hotter then a hot tub in hell, I thought to myself. Getting back to the Evil one. The thing about her is that I’ll never think of our moments together without nausea. That's just how it is when you hook up with the Evil one. And then the stomach started to churn like I just finished a wildcat sandwich with a double helping of wasabi. When the ride was over I just walked around in a daze, like the time I had my teeth knocked out by a business associate with the fat end of a Mickey Mantel 36 inch Louisville Slugger. All could hear was the tune that kept repeating in my head like a skipping 78.

Open Wide

I for one am very excited about witnessing the tax protest on April 15th. And why am I excited about seeing a tax protest you ask. Because there will be maybe hundreds of thousands of people *tea bagging all over the United States. Now in your pals world, I would think, this will be a protest like no other protest ever organized. And can you tell me what is the connection with tea bagging and tax protest. But hey, what ever floats your boat I say. I for one, would like to have the mouth wash booth at some of these protest, I think I could really clean up. Oh well, I was just thinking the other day that during the Bush presidency, discussing sexual matters was a real taboo, but with this tea bagging protest, this will really open up a dialog about changing the sexual mores of a whole new group of people. Grab your camera on April 15th and start snapping. Have fun tea bagger's. Oh, and by the way the the next tax protest will be called *"The Rusty Trombone Protest", look for it soon, it should be even better.

*Definition of tea bagging. Here, here and here.
* Google this yourself.

Sunday Funnies

THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.

64 Impala

Around 1968 or so, I had just gotten a divorce from my evil wife and was living on what money she had not taken. I had purchased a 1964 Chevrolet Impala from a guy that I work with . Now back in the day I did not understand that you had to take car of a car if you wanted it to say, start, run and perform like a car. My preventive maintenance consisted of changing the oil every 25,000 miles or every 10 years which ever comes first. Windshield wipers lasted the life time of the vehicle and tires are only replaced if there is a catastrophic blow out. My motto was "No maintenance", period.

One Saturday morning I woke to find that my car was not were I had left it the night before. And the first thing I thought about was, not that it was stolen, but were I had parked it last night. It was a time in my life when forgetting were I parked my car was a great possibility. I forgot to mention that my car, at that time was a manual shift, had no second gear. I had been driving it for about 6 month that way, promising that I would get it fixed next year. Well getting back to the missing car. It finally hit me that my car had been stolen and I called the police and informed them of my loss and gave them a description of my car. They said that they would file a report and get back to me as soon as they know anything. They did say to me that I would probably not see my car again. Saying that the percent of the recovery of stolen vehicles was very low. I hung up the phone thinking about how I was going to get to work on Monday. Well 10 minutes later I got a phone call from the police telling me that they had found my car. It seems that who ever took my car thought that they had gotten a beauty, but realized, very soon, after trying and not finding second gear that maybe they had made the wrong choice. It seems it only took them about 30 seconds because they found my car just up the street ,about a block away, from were I lived.

Who needs car alarm when all you need for protection is to drive a piece of crap.

If it wasn't so sad it would be funny

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
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Big Josh

Every mornin' at the Y you could see him arrive
He stood 5 foot 11 and weighed 145
Kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip
And everybody knew you didn't give no lip to Big Josh
(Big Josh Big Josh) Big Bad Josh (Big Josh)
Nobody seemed to know where Josh called home
Just drifted into class and made us all groan
He didn't say much he's not quiet and shy
And if you spoke at all you just pleaded to Big Josh
Somebody said he came from Camden
Where he got in a fight over a Creme Brulee
And a swirling whip from a huge whisk
He made a Louisiana fellow re-do a lobster bisque
Big Josh(Big Josh Big Josh) Big Bad Josh (Big Josh)
Then came the day in the room at the Y
When the spinners were spinning and starting to sweat
Spin people were praying that their hearts beat yet
And everybody thought that they had lost their bet
Through the sweat and the heat of this man made hell
Walked a giant of a man that the spinners knew well
Hoped on his bike and gave out with a groan
And like a crazy man he said spin get into the zone,
Big Josh(Big Josh Big Josh) Big Bad Josh (Big Johs)
And with all of his breath he gave a mighty command
Then a spinners yelled out there's no time to stand
And twenty people groaned that they needed a fan
And all we could hear is the shouts of run faster from Big Josh
With time running out we started to back down
Then came that shout that made us all frown
And the sweat and heat from the heated up Y
Everybody knew that the ride was over was just a big lie from Big Josh
Big Josh Big Josh) Big Bad Josh (Big Josh)
Now it is really over in that heated room
There is just the exausted in that spinning tomb
These few words are written on that ride
That that day at the Y all our brains were fried by
Big Josh(Big Josh Big Josh) Big Bad Josh

Inspay Assclay Apcray

The Tuesday spin session headed by the Evil one, I have to say, was the best class yet. It was a hell of a workout with great music as always. The real spinners were in attendance. There was Wendy, no relation to Peter Pan, Jim and last by not least your pal. The rest of the class was peppered with interlopers of all ilk.

I am not the kind of person who dislikes too many people, but I just have to say that there is this one person, who takes the Tuesday night class, who is rubbing me the wrong way. And you all know how painful that can be. I will now use a long forgotten language that was spoken when pigs talked and were allowed to join the Catholic church in a time long long ago.

Isthay assholeway akestay upway away ikebay atthay omeonesay owhay eallyray ouldway ikelay otay oday ethay assclay. Isthay oodnicknay omecay otay orkoutway, otnay ithway ethay instructorway, utbay ithway imselfhay. Andway enthay onway optay ofway atthay itway alkstay allway oughthray ethay orkoutway ustjay otay annoyway everyoneway elseway. Iway ouldway ikelay otay aketay isthay ersonspay edray ifeway
eatersbay irtshay offway andway ipwhay isthay oddway allbay illtay ehay ollowsfay ethay instructionway ofway ourway ovelylay Evilway oneway, owhay endsspay alotway ofway imetay uttingpay esethay ingsthay ogethertay. It just makes my blood boil. And you know how painful that can be.

Well any who I will bide my time and when the moment is right I will strike with a fury. Because the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

The Yelling Princess

One upon a time in the Land of Spin, where the world evolves around spin class, there lived the champion of spin, Sir Uncle Willie. Everyone looks up to Sir Uncle Willie, because he is the the spiniest spinner in all of the land.

One day as Sir Willie was about to mount his trusty steed, Number 7, for the class, when all of a sudden in walked the evil instructor. It was Princess Evil, she was the monarch of the next kingdom, Belfastia, and she ran the class with a iron fist and a very loud microphone. People say that she used the microphone because everyone in Belfastia hates really loud conversation. And this put a crimp the Princess' life style, because she and her family, the Evil family, enjoyed yelling and screaming at each other. And this is just not tolerated in Belfastia. The princess and her family are constantly being shushed. That's why she liked using the microphone so much.

Well any who, the princess enjoyed coming to the Land of Spin because she could yell and scream as loud as she wanted. The people in the Land of Spin, kind of liked to be yelled at while they were spinning. So what did the Princess do, she yelled and yelled and yelled. She yelled at Mary, Heidie, Wendy,Jim and even yelled at Dollie, who did not like yelling all that much.

One day in class, the Princess yelled so loud that she lost her voice. As much as she tried to yell she could not utter another sound. She tried and she tried but to no avail, she had just lost her voice. This was devastating for the Princess and she left the land of spin forever.

Many years later I ran into her in Belfastia, where by the way, people really love her now that she can no longer yell. She was teaching a college class for librarians, teaching them to whisper.

The moral of the story. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

Snow

These are some pictures I took in Rockport and Camden after the last snow. I don't know why I call the video "Snow", it just came to me in a flash. I have this amazing ability to look at something and come with a single word to describe it. It's a gift.

The music is by some dude, Pablo Casals. I think he's got a future in the music biz.

Sunday Funnies

Walter walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be more than ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, 'What's with the money in the jar?' 'Well... you pay $10 and
if you pass three tests, you get all the money and the keys to a brand new Lexus.' Walter certainly isn't going to pass this up. And so he asks, 'What are the three tests?' 'You must pay first... Those are the rules,' says the bartender. So, after thinking it over a while, Walter gives the bartender the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar. 'Okay,' the bartender says,
'Here's what you need to do: First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in a minute or less, and you can't make a face while doing it. Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back
with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands. Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex... You have to take care of that problem!' Walter is stunned. 'I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila, and then do all those other things...' 'Your call,' says the bartender... 'But, your money stays where it is.' As time goes on, Walter has a few vodka and unsweetened drinks, he finally says, 'Where's the damn tequila?' He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks... but he doesn't make a face, and he did it in fifty-eight seconds! Next, Walter staggers out the back door, where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon the people inside the bar hear growling, biting, and screaming sounds... then nothing but silence! Just when they think that Walter surely must be dead he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped open and there are scratches and he's bleeding all over his body.

Walter says,
'Now where's that old woman
with the bad tooth?'

Sean Hannity Admits " I'm a Fu*k'in Idiot"

The Fox new purveyor of lies and innuendo,finally admitted that he is a fucking idiot. Regular views of the Hannity program, Hannity's America, were shocked and dismayed at the hosts announcement this pass week. It happen when Mr Hannity was in the middle of a diatribe about President Obama being a socialist, when he just stopped in mid sentence, paused for a second and said" I can't go on with all of these fictional stories about the Democrats and the president. It is just hurting the county to much." He then, to every ones astonishment began to list some the lies and misleading stories he had be reporting over the years.

First of all I lied about the Clinton people trashing the white house before Bush took office. That never happened. I made that all up. Check the story here.

I lied when I said that it doesn't say anywhere in the Constitution this idea of the separation of church and state. Check the first amendment . Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.

I lied when I said "If he (Kerry) had his way and the CIA would almost be nonexistent." Kerry supported $200 billion in intelligence funding over the past seven years - a 50 percent increase since 1996.

He then paused and stated in a almost inaudible voice that he could go on for hours but that would be to much to bear for all of his friends and viewers. The last thing he did was look into the camera and murmured "I'm Sorry" as a tear fell from his eye.





This some what fictional post was brought to by makers of "6 Up, The soda that doesn't need one more number to taste great," And your pals at Willie's World . "Good night and get out of town."



For more real information on Sean Hannity's lies and innuendos try these websites;



Media Matters for America.



Center for American Progress



Faux News Channel

A Ride With Josh

The anticipation was heighten by the expectation of a enjoyable constitutional. I, your pal, was immersed in a feeling of well being as I entered the hippodome of pleasure and pain. Climbing upon my steel stead, preparing myself for the pleasure and the agony of the jaunt. That's when I spotted the adversary, the Mephistopheles, Beelzebub purveyor of pain. His name was Josh but he is know to all as the Prince of Darkness, archfiend or the beast. My heart was pounding in my chest as the hellion climb upon his steel. It spoke "This will be effortless." he said with the most evil of looks upon his face . I knew, as I looked into his flaming eyes that we will be riding with devil into this good morn.

And so it began . Faster then faster again, faster the beast bellowed. My legs, I can't feel my legs . My heart is going to burst, I have to stop but I can't, the beast is in control. I look for a repose to catch my breath and to stop my heart from exploding thru my chest. But alas no repose. Stand up and run. " Run faster, faster, I know you can." the beast called out. I cannot fight it I must run fast or I will die. The beast is in control, the room is spinning. I am growing more and more heated. My nostrils flair as the air begins to fill with the malodorous smell of brimstone. The beast is compelling us to ride on. Faster and faster he blasts. Faster still. I can't go on, but I cannot pause. I grow weary from the ride. My breath comes quickly to its end. I am done, I can go no longer. The end is near for me. But no the devil is benevolent. The ride is over. Life beings to promulgate my anatomy. I will live to ride again. The beast has been beaten, I have won. And then, as fast as it ended it all began again, only harder and faster. The beast is alive, he breaths again. I ride on in blind obedience to the evil one. And then as quickly as it began, its was over. All is silent, there is no more.

Fox News Does It Again

Fox News report on the Employee Free Choice Act this Saturday, was let say a little unfair and unbalanced. As the report only showed one side of the issue, and that was against the bill. The report had interviews with workers who said that they were harassed by union organizers. And of course as the fair and balanced network, always does, did not have anyone on the other side of the issue. The jest of the report was that you will not be able to have a secret ballet on voting to unionize or not. This is not true, if employees want a secret ballet they can have it. It is their choice. It is written in the act.

Here is the other side of the Employee Free Choice Act.

Inert Mechanism Class

Last night I was involved in a group endeavor to enhance my health. In this endeavor I and a group were perched on a inert mechanism that you propel without advancing to the beat of melodious cadence. All this was orchestrated by a irreverent pedagogue right leaning partisan.

All was good at this endeavor except for two plebians. One citizen, who will go unnamed, is missing the point of this group endeavor. They refuse to follow the IP menoranda. They are off on their own doing what ever. It is like having someone who is literally marching to a different drummer. All I can say is "what a maroon".

The other person is a very beautiful person 99.99 percent of the time. But last night your boon companion was sudoriferous. I of course was working harder than anyone in the group. My only relief was the small fan that was my only salvation. Well miss cutie pie just had to direct the fan away from your homeboy and direct it right at herself. There will be no retribution but, I will, from now on ,be referring to non pregnant Carrie as fan hogging Carrie. Enough said.