45 in a 55...........Somebody Help Me Please!

One of things about driving in Maine is,that some people drive very very slowly,an its driving me crazy. There is a group of drivers, who have never looked in their rear view mirror. Because if they did they would see a very long parade of cars and trucks. And possibly me with steam shooting from my ears. If you want to drive 45 mph in 55 mile zone maybe you need that second cup of coffee,or your blood pressure medicine kicked up a notch. But just as bad,and maybe worst, are the people who are behind this snail like driver. In my book they have a responsibility to pass this snail like car. It's in the rules people! But no, they just sit there like it's OK that we are all doing 45 mph, nobody has to get anywhere I think. Daaa. So now I have to take the initiative and pass 5 cars in a row. After the pass is made I am most likely hitting about 150 mph which is a good time for the police to come along. It drives me cuckoo and not for cocoa puffs.

These people are the same ones you follow up route 1 for 30 miles, at 45 mph, till you get to the point in the road where it divides into two lanes so you can pass. Now instead of moving to the right to let you by, they stay in the left lane and proceed to break the sound barrier so you can't pass them. Then reaching the single lane again before you, they are back to the 45 mph once again. Well I could just take a big bite out of the steering wheel after that. And when they finally do turn off, they turn around and give you the finger like you've got a problem buddy. Do these people go down to the zoo and watch the turtles zoom by! I think they do.

Originally posted 9/18/2007

Spinning the Old Fashion Way

Monday spin class was a tough one. Evil was in her glory. And I am not going to go on and on about her filling the class or that she had a bad back which means that when she is not feeling just right, she really gives it to us. I am not going to bring that up because I have been over that many times before and I don't want to start that up again. OK, I am not going to start but cheese Louise every time she is feeling poorly we are the ones who suffer. It's like she is healing herself by making us all feel the pain.But I am not going to go on and on about that again. But I will go on about how, your pal, did not get a new bike this morning. It's all these fair weather spinners who just show up in the winter. I have been there all through the summer,the hot days the rainy days, and the days that were just perfect, I put in the time. I deserve a new bike "I am special!" Just kidding I don't really feel that way, well not all of the time anyway. Just most days.

In another story, Wendy was back in class after a long absence. If she had been out a couple of more weeks, she would have become referred too as the other Wendy and the other Wendy would have become Wendy. She just made it.

I'm Back

I'm back. Yes your pal is in the house again. I just broke out of my shackles and ran right home to work on my Monday post, which is this. I'm just fool'in ya, I had computer problem and now I have a brand new, so you will be getting new and improved posts. Just because of the new computer. That's right better sentence structure, better spelling, just kidding ya, it's going to be the same old crap and you have come to love and look forward too.

Sunday Funnies

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark.

After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor.

The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.

The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just a while away."

Help

I am being held captive by some evil force and I am trying t break loose and get back to all of my loyal readers, all 23 of you. Can't talk now someone is coming.........

Evil and the Vacuum

Yesterday Evil was once again on her game with a really, really, really, really, hard workout. Yes our gal is kicking every ones ass big time. And once again the class was full, but I have been over that many times. But, then as the class was cleaning up after the workout this women, Bernice, starts with the "Oh, that music that you use is so wonderful. I have never in my life heard such a wonderful cacophony of tunes." You are magic." Pa-lease, Bernice in under the evil ones evilness and does not know what she is saying. Although the evil one does use her music well to enhance her workout, but sooooooo. The unconditional love for the evil one makes me puke.

After class Evil was a little jumpy and your pal asked what was up. Well it seems that she was taking her vacuum cleaner to be repaired and that she was terrified by the repairman. Evil has, not a Hoover, but some I-talian model and this man thinks that she is abusing this machine. So every time she brings the machine in to his shop he gets in her face, and the evil one does not like this. He keeps saying that she cannot use her vacuum to pick up nails, wood shavings, oatmeal, jello, grass and gravy. I think evil needs a lesson in the proper use of a vacuum cleaner and this thing with Mr Vacuum Repairman will work it self out. You need a special attachment to pick up gravy, evil one.

Hiking

Friday I decided go for a hike in the hills around our home. It is something that I love to do and I had not done it this summer at all. I think it's because of the weather this year. Well any who, the weather here in Maine is the best, warm days and cool nights are what September and October brings. So off I go to climb to the top of Maiden Cliff. When I reached the summit and sat down to rest, and take in the views. I realized why I love too hike. It's the beauty but most of all it's the clearing of the mind that is so revitalizing. I will now be hiking much more.

Sunday Funnies

An elderly woman went to her doctor, complaining about not being able to hear out of one ear.
The doctor then took his penlight, looked in her ear, then took his tweezers, reached in, and pulled something out.
After examining the object for a second, he exclaimed, "Well....it seems you inserted a suppository into your ear...".
The old lady thought for a second, then responded "Gee....I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing-aid...!".

Jon Stewart Get's to the Truth

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Mad Men
http://www.thedailyshow.com/

The Reports of my Death are Greatly Exaggerated

I have been away because of a computer problem that has been repaired by my man Hellboy Josh. The guy is a whiz with computers and he did what I could never have done. And I would like to say one thing about not posting. That's what it took to get a couple of people to comment. Just think about that people. And kicking my grammar when I'm down, well how heartless can you get. But I'll wipe the tears from my eye and continue to bring you this crap.

Here are a couple of lines that you can tell your gastroenterologist as you are in the middle of a colonoscopy.


1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

ERSG is Back

What is that redolence that is slightly burning the inside of my nose. Could it be brimstone or it could be the smell of a dank dark dungeon or it could be coming from my underarm. But no its our gal Evil back from a long sabbatical. And with a that long rest she decided to kick everyones butt with her first workout. We were all sweating like a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest. And let me make this point once again. Her class was packed with people unlike the class that I run that is as empty as a synagogue on a Sunday morning. Oh well, I guess I will have to start paying people to come to my class. I'm not bitter at all, I am just pissed. But OK, I will bide my time and when the time is right I will bring down the wrath of the ancients and then ..............,well never mind. All and all it was a great workout and with good tunes. Welcome back Evil one.

Yesterday was a up and down day for your pal. Up, Yankees won. The downs Red Sox won, the Patriots won, and Roger Federer lost. Also a downer Patrick Swayze died. One of my favorite Patrick Swayze movies of his was "Road House".

Anticipating Evil

Well Evil will be back today and we will see what she has got. She had plenty of dungeon time so it could be really good. And I what I really want to see is if she has porked out while she has been away. I would love to see a 205 lb Evil with her bike pants about to explode, "Oh momma!" Well it will be nice to see her again.

Like you all know if you read my blog I have been watching the US Open for two weeks. And why have I been watching it, because I can. Well any who, Roger Federer seems to me anyway to be the one to beat. He is number one in the world and I can see why. He has every shot in his arsenal and to prove that, just watch the clip below of the next to last last point in his match with Novak Djokovic. I tried this shot once and ended up with my voice up about 3 octaves.

Sunday Funnies

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong.
He said, I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.

I said, Well, then why are you crying
He said, She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.

I said, Well, why are you crying
He said,For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours???

I said, Well, why in the world would you be crying
He said, I can't remember where I live!!

One Intelligent View

Melissa Harris-Lacewell is Associate Professor of Politics and African American Studies at Princeton University commenting on Joe Wilson shouting out "Liar"( By the way Rep. Wilsons was lying about what was in the legislation.)during the presidents speech and health care. She always has a intelligent overview of what is going on in politics.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Pull my finger

Fart Sound and Fart Smell Products
Fake Doo's, Vomit, Spills,
Fake Shattered Window Baseball, Golf ball, Softball,
Squirting Products
Body Wear, Body Part and Halloween Products
Billy-Bob Teeth
Gross Eatable Candy Gags

These product above I am quite familiar with as I have many of them in my junk drawer at home. Yes I will not go anywhere without my fake dog crap. It is a real hoot when placed under one of my dinner guest chair after a good meal. Or my fake teeth, when at the appropriate time, will 9 time out of 10 cause a guest to spew their drink out threw their nose, which is always a good laugh. And one of my favorites is to have a very serous conversation and slip on my big red clown nose. It is just a real laugh fest when you come for a visit to your pals house.

You can get all the products in this post here.

6-0 6-0 6-0

As I said yesterday I have been watching the US Open. And I mean I watch it a whole lot. In the afternoon and also at night. And as I watch the matches I pick out some of the things that I don't do when I play, such as always keep your feet moving through out the point. When I play, I think my sneaker were manufactured by the crazy glue company. My feet are glued to the court.
But like I said watching the pros play you can pick up a lot of tips. So last night I head off to play tennis with a new plan, with new information and a lot of confidence that will guide me into tennis mortality. I lost every match. So much for a new plan. Pro players make it look easy, it's not.

US OPEN

When I first started to take up tennis, the pros were using wood rackets and dressing in white. It was great tennis, with very little emotions shown on the court. Go forward to today and take a look at the US Open and you see what pro tennis has developed into. In my opinion you can not get any more passion and athleticism then the players today. Last night I watched the match between Rafael Nadal and Gael Monfils. and it was one of the best matches of the week. It had every thing, passion, great play that lasted for over two hours, with these two men just pounding the ball back and forth trying to find that opening that would win the point. And even a man getting on the court, after the match, and giving Nadal a kiss.

Then there is Melanie Oudin a 17 year old qualifier who is beating every seeded player she has faced, is a great story. Then there is Kim Clijsters, who left tennis for a year to have a child, who is making her way through her draw and is now in the semi finials against the best women player, Serena Williams.

The US Open is one of the best sporting events of the year. So do your self a favor and take a look see.

Your pal, if I had keep up my training for a tennis career, could have played at the Open, that is if I did not suck at it.

The Something Whisperer

I am obsessed with this TV program The Dog Whisperer. I love this program. It's about training dogs that have behavioral problems. The man who is the star of the show is Cesar Milan and he seems to have a real connection with these dogs. Cesar makes the behavioral problems look so easy to fix. He seems to have a connection with the dogs and understands their behavior.

Like I said he makes it look so easy that I thought I could do something with animal behavioral training. That's when I started what I call the Cat Whisperer. This was not really thought out too well. Cats don't seem that they want to learn any thing. Swimming,fetching,bringing in the new paper, sitting, seeing eye training and going for a walk. After 1 day of business the Cat Whisperer closed up shop.

I am now looking for backing for my new adventure in training animal, with animals that really want and need to be trained. The Slug Whisperer will be much safer.

Making Out for Two Hours

Lee Andrews and the Hearts was one of my favorite singing groups in my youth. I use to play this 45 about a thousand times in a row. And at that time all I could think about was the opposite sex about 45 thousand times a day. And when I did get together with the many thousands of girlfriends I had back in the day, all we would do was make out. And I mean we would kiss for hours. I remember a party my girl friend at the time attended, where she spend the whole night sitting on my lap and making ,out as we use to say. At the end of the party her brother came to pick us up and I must have looked really strange. I had worn a seersucker suit which now looked like before I put it on, was smashed into a ball and tied together, I mean to say it was a wrinkled mess and to go along with my bright red face from kissing for 2 hours I was quite the site. Oh well I had a great time and did not care how I looked, I was in love.


Best of from 8/21/2008.

Sunday Funnies

In a small town a patrolman was making his evening rounds..
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car..
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it?
'Heavens no, we bought it.'
'Then why don't you drive it away..'
We can't drive.'
Then why did you buy it?'

'We were told that if we bought a used car here
we'd get screwed ...so we're just waiting.

Glenn Beck & Glenn Beck are Back

Check this out its funny and scary at the same time.

Glenn Beck & Glenn Beck are Back

Nobody is Listening

I came across this clip from a New Jersey news program that was covering a town hall meeting. This little clip personifies what is happening to what should really be going on, a real dialog about health care. But both sides are so mad and filled with misinformation that all they can do is try to scream louder than the other person. This could be the only time in our lives that we have a chance to do something about our health care system and we are letting it slip away because we are just not listening.

And Pinch Hitting for.................

Yes once again your pal stepped up to the plate and hit a spin class home run. In a pinch hitting roll for ROSBF, I answered the bell and got it done. I was setting up my ride and looked up at the clock to see that the class was a minute from starting, and no ROSBF. Mary started to panic and shouted "What are we going to do!" That's when I sprung in to action. I grabbed my I Pod and rushed to the front of the class, shouting "Relax everyone, I have it under control." I knew I had to quite the class as they were all about to panic. I found some music and composed myself for a second and began to pull it all together. Oh and it was spectacular.

I wonder when that other women, I forget what her name is, is coming back? Oh well I wonder if she will even be able to handle the class now that she has been a way for almost a month. I guess we'll take it easy on her till she gets back into shape. We all miss what's-her-name.

Rachel Maddow Fair and Balanced

Last night Rachel Maddow interviewed the former head of Homeland Security under President Bush, Tom Ridge. He has a new book out that he is hawking, about his time at Homeland Security.
I love Rachel Maddow, she is very smart, she has a way of bringing the news to you that you don't get from any other new program. She has her facts straight and in interviews she will not let the interviewee lie or spout misleading facts. She corrects the facts and not by yelling and interrupting but with a calm respectful demeanor, and the facts. And she always will ask the hard question. And what amazes me is that she will get Republican guest that no one else is getting. She is truly the fair and balanced reporter, and it comes across in her interviews.Last night she held Mr Ridge's feet to the fire. Below is just a part of the interview. You can see the whole interview here.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Carrie Prejean President of Texas

Carrie Prejean is taking a big step in bringing her dream of a becoming a crazy nut person by suing the officials of the Miss California USA. She is claiming that she was told not to mention God by the pageant officials before the contest. She also said that she was demoted to runner up status because of her remarks about gay marriage. The pageant officials said she was fired because she missed two events. Ms Prejean is well on her way to becoming a Fox news host and possibly could end up as the first president of Texas, that is if they secede from the union. And I say go for it. I don't see any movie contracts coming to you in the near future. And to become the first President of Texas could be what you are looking for. With Texas leaving the union, it would leave a state completely filled with your kind of people. Just think of the photo opportunity's at the execution that seem to go on in Texas every week. It will be Ms Prejean in a bathing suit with her hand on the switch and saying "Say hello to Satin and all the gay people in hell." as she pulled the switch. You go girl.