Hummmmmmmmmmmmmm................

It's 6:55 AM and I am sitting in front of the computer and wondering what I am going to write about today. I could write about our road trip we took this weekend, filled with many bad drivers or my reintroduction to the Ring Ding or Dings as our host called them. I could write about the Cheney interview, in which Chris Wallace asked question like a 12 year old girl interviewing the Jonas Brothers. Maybe I will write about the women that was kidnapped as a child and was just rescued after 18 years. Or maybe I'll write about the Yankees who are just rolling along to a division win or maybe the golf course that the pros played on in Jersey City over looking the New York sky line last week. OK I have decided, "Have a nice day."

Sunday Funnies

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid replies, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Can you say dead. Sure you can.

A tribute to children's public television pioneer Fred Rogers will include an effort to get people everywhere to wear a sweater on what would have been his 80th birthday. I was a bit too old for Mr. Rogers ,but every once in a while while, as I was channel surfing, I would stop and watch for a minute or two. I always thought that this would be a wonderful program for younger kids. It was so charming and light. With great non threatening characters. So on his birthday, March 20th, I will be wearing a sweater in his honor. It may be a little uncomfortable in the shower, but what the heck. Can you say soggy, I know you can.



Enjoy Mr Roger in this clip. He must have been a real good sport to poke fun at himself and his program.

"Polly Wanna Coffin"

I will be away for a couple of days so you will have to put up with a couple of best of's.
Your Pal.

Alex, the world renowned African Grey parrot made famous by the ground-breaking cognition and communication research conducted by Irene Pepperberg, Ph.D., died at the age of 31 on September 6, 2007. Dr. Pepperberg’s pioneering research resulted in Alex learning elements of English speech to identify 50 different objects, 7 colors, 5 shapes, quantities up to and including 6 and a zero-like concept. The cause of death was attributed to a cracker caught in his throat.

Spin Confession

I ran today's spin class and the music that I used was a little shall I say off beat. I told the class that if, certain so called friends, knew that I like the music of these artist, I would never hear the end of it. But I am coming out of the the music closet. The music for today's class was supplied by Barry Manalow, Neil Diamond, and Abba. And do you know what, I think people really liked the tunes. I feel a lot better now that it is all out on the table. But any who it was a good class and everybody was sweating a whole lot, so I think that they liked working out to the you know who's. By the way the next class that I run, will be a full out Johnny Mathis tune fest. You can really rock out to "Chance Are".

Disclaimer; I am not gay. Not that there is any thing wrong with being gay it's just that I want to just put it out there. Thank You.

Solve This

Spin Dry

Mary ran the Monday spin class and did a hell of a job. She really makes the class work hard and I just love the music that she uses. At the end we are all sweating like a cat in a Chinese restaurant. Speaking of sweating our gal Mary is the Babe Ruth of sweating. After every workout there is always a pool, no wait, a lake of perspiration around Marys ride. Did you ever hear the song "Cry Me a River", well if Arthur Hamilton ,who wrote the song, knew Mary, the name of the song would have been "Sweat Me a River". Mary pushes out so much water that she shorted out the microphone last week . Mary is now trying to combat the heavy sweating by covering her complete body in terrycloth. She had her terrycloth outfit on Monday, a little pink number that made a big spin class fashion statement.

Let me finish by saying the Mary is one of the most attractive women that I know and that her husband is a lucky man to have met her. She has two beautiful daughters and a successful business. She smart as well as beautiful and does not hold a grudge because of some little thing that someone wrote. Love ya Mary.

This post was writen by a guest blogger I.P. Daily

Happy Days are Here Again

It has been a heck of a summer, temperatures in the high 80's with lots of humidity. We have a new annoyance around our home called the Deer Fly who spends it's short life trying to land on my head when I get out of my truck. Also the little bugger if it goes undetected, will give you a really good bite. They just announced on the news that Maine broke the record this summer for rain fall. Woo hoo, yea rainfall alright! I just spent 400 bucks on the repair of my truck. My mother-in-law seems to be in the hospital every other day. But you know what, I have my health. Oh I forgot, I have this pain on the top of my left foot. And I know that if a giant meteor were to suddenly appear to head for our planet it would eventually end up on top of my house. And one last thing. The amount of visitors to this blog has dropped to a all time low. I know that soon I will be the only person reading my own blog. I could just shit!



310 and counting.

Sunday Funnies

Q: What does D.A.M stand for?

A: Mothers Against Dyslexia.

Ho Hum

Red Sox cheat and beat Yankees 14 to 1.

Oh Baby!

Yankees 20......Red Sox 11 A real pitchers duel.

That's Funny

Yesterday my wife and I had a meeting with a women who is in charge of the assisted living facility that my mother-in-law is a residence. During the discussion this women was discussing bladder infections. She then talked about how some of the women at the facility were coming down with E coli bacteria because were never taught, by their mothers, how to wipe themselves correctly, from front to rear. On our way home after the meeting I said to my wife that I had to hold myself back at the meeting from saying "I was taught to wipe sideways." And with that my wife said "Do you ever take anything seriously?" Thinking for a second I said "Not really."

I think it is my genes, as both of my brothers do the same thing. There is not any point in our lives when we could not find something to laugh at. An examples of this is when my younger brother had a heart attack. Our whole family rushed to the hospital to be with him. When we were allowed to go into his room to see him, and were all standing around his bed, looking down at him with all of these tubes sticking out of him. We all were trying to hold back the tears, seeing him in this situation. While we were standing there my brother opened his eyes. He could not talk because of the tube down his throat. I said to him "Kevin are you OK. We are all so worried about you." He looked at me for a second, raised his arm and gave me the finger. This is how we handle almost everything. I don't know if it is a good thing to be this way, but that's just the way we are wired.

Another example is my Uncle Joes funeral. My wife,my brothers and I were standing in the line to view my uncle before we left for the cemetery. When my middle brother said something about how my uncle was dressed. All four of us thought that it was the funniest thing we had ever heard. Here we are ready to view my uncles body for the last time and we are all in the throws of uncontrollable laughter. Needless to say we were the center of attraction and a couple of people around us even started to laugh as well even with not knowing what we were all laughing at.

So this is my cross to bear. So if you are talking to me about something serious, know that I am thinking about how I can turn that into some thing that amuses myself.

OK Spencer. Ready-Get set-Go.

Fox Spreading the Lies

I just had to add this today because it is a perfect example of Fox News being fair and balanced. This is what the viewers of Fox get 24/7. This is why the viewers of Fox, in very high numbers, believe every falsehood about the government health care proposal. How can we have a real dialog, about a very important issue, when millions of people are lied too and mislead every day on a so called new channel.

Hot Workout

The spin class on Monday was shall I say was a little hot and I don't mean in the good way. Evil drummed up a very hard work out that had my heart beating faster than Glen Becks sponsors dropping him. The work out room was very very hot. It is suppose to be air conditioned ,but I say it is the worst air conditioning in the world. I started to break out in a full body sweat after taking off my glasses before the class started.That's how hot it was. This is Maine where the weather, in the summer time, is very temperate with no humidity, not like Miami in July. Couple the hot weather with one of Evil very hard workout with a panting and sweating Uncle Willie, you have got your self a real mess.



I think that ERSG is trying to pick the regular off one by one. This way she can move away from us and her conscience will be clear. But we have all made a pack that we will live as long as it takes to keep the Evil one teaching every Monday, and in the winter Tuesday night. So try if you must Evil one, bring it on because we are all ready to survive the worst class you can throw at us. Na na na so there.

Here is a song that Evil is trying to kill us with.

Please Send U's

Yesterday on my way to Evils really hard workout, I passed a sign that was promoting a chicken dinner at one of the lodges in the area. The sign read: "Pvblic Svpper Satvrday". So I thought who was stealing the U's and why are they not buying new U's. Is there a shortage of this letter and why. Is it the Obama administration who is secretly trying to shorten the alphabet for some nefarious reason. Or is it that the person who set up the sign use to work on the old TV program "Mission Impossible" were they use to substitute the letter u with a v on all signs to make you feel you were in a foreign country. But thats kind of pushing it. The big question is why am I writing about the missing U's. I could be cvckoo,a lvnatic,vnhinged, vnzipped or jvst plain nvts.

Fox News Helping to Spread the Fear

This is a perfect example of Fox news reporting. Ask a question that makes an accusation that the white house is sending out unsolicited emails. And when he gets a answer or a way to check if it actually had come from the white house, he just keeps on asking the question. Does this reporter realize that someone could send an email and say its from the white house. With so much misinformation floating out there, especially on Fox, it could very well be the answerer to this knucklehead's question.

Sunday Funnies

A blind man tells his friend how much he enjoys parachuting. " My hand is placed on my release ring, they place me in the door and tell me when to jump. Out I go!"

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" ask his friend.

"Oh," replies the blind man, "as soon as the dog's leash goes slack."

Spin Class Passed Gas

Cue announcer: Tonight a little secret that has never been reveled before and we will be reveling it. tonight.
Film of a spin class with a snappy bass line dominated song is being played in the back round.
The music fads as the announcer starts talking:One of the most disgusting of subject will be talked about tonight. And I'm talking about the passing of bodily gasses, or farts as they are known on the street. And not in the privacy of your home or car, but in spin class of all places. Yes good evening everybody I'm Barkey McSnowzer and I will interviewing a spin class participant about this growing problem. He will be shrouded in black so no one will be able to see his face. Lets get started.
Barkey...Mr X if that is your real name. Why don't you tell us when you first noticed this problem.

Mr X...Well Barkey, the first time was while we were doing floor exercises after spin. I had just completed a reverse crunch and the instructor said to pull your knees to your chest. And then that's when it happen.

Barkey...Go on Mr. X.

Mr X...It just slipped out I didn't want to happen it just did. I'm so sorry.

Barkey...Take it easy Mr. X . Just slow down and give us the facts. What slipped out?

Mr X...Gas, you know from back there. I couldn't help it. One minute there was nothing and then there was this horrible sound. Like air escaping from a balloon . I started coughing to try to cover up, I don't think anybody heard it.

Barkey...Was there any odor associated with the gas?

Mr X...I don't know . I did not smell anything, but you never know. I thought I noticed the women next to me knees buckling but I don't know if it was because of my my gas leak.

Barkey...So has this happen anymore since then?

Mr X...Just 2 times and it is always when I am pulling my knees to my chest . I have been trying lately to simultaneously squeeze my cheeks together and pull my knees to my chest. But I keep getting a full body cramp.

Barkey...A full body cramp?

Mr X...Yes Barkey. You end up with your body looking like Joe Cocker for about 30 seconds. It's very painful.

Barkey...I can imagine. So what are you doing now to combat this problem? I'm talking about the gas problem.

Mr X...Well Barkey , I try with all of my might to stop it before it happens but if it happens it happens. What can I do. I am trying to bring this problem out in the open so that people like me, the occasional gas passer ,don't feel we are all alone.

Barkey...I understand that you started a orginization to help people with this spin class problem.

Mr X...Yes its called FAPT. Farters are people too.

Barkey...Well thank you Mr.X for bringing this problem to the forefront.

Mr X...Thanks Barkey.

The lights fade out and the credits roll. The End.



Original post 11/06/2007

Drop The Screwdriver and Back Away

This is my story and it's all about my non-handyman skills. About a month ago I had to purchase a timer for some accent lights on the outside of my home. The timer is the kind that you replace the on and off switch with. So I spent about an 20 minutes installing the timer and everything was working beautifully for about 2 weeks.

Then one night coming home late, I noticed that the one of the light was out. So I'm thinking it's the light bulb, and off to the hardware for a replacement. Because naturally I would not keep a spare around to make things easy. Off to the hardware, buy the bulb, go back home, replace the bulb, flip on the switch and nothing. So I take out the new bulb and screw it into a lamp, turn the lamp on and hallelujah there is light.

So Mr Non-Handyman thinks, after one one thousands of a second thought, it's got to be the fixture. Mr Non-Handyman takes out the fixture and heads off to the lighting store. In Willie's world, the fixture is a 4 inch fixture, so I am thinking 30 bucks at the most. Well that's not even close. How about 95 dollars, "Holy crap Batman!". OK, I buy the fixture, which is not made of gold as I suspected, and back home I go to replace the fixture with the new one.

After I install the fixture, screw in the light bulb, which I now have a spare, turn the switch on and nothing . Replace the bulb, nothing. "Oh Jebus why do you hate me." That is when the bulb went off, and not the bulb in the fixture but the light bulb over my head. Check the timer hook up butt head. I pulled off the cover and pulled out the timer and there it was, a black wire just staring at me all by it self, not attached to any other wire. I attach the wire, put the cover on and hit the switch. We have light.

Pros: I have a extra fixture and a replacement bulb.
Cons: I spent 95 dollars for nothing and waisted about 3 hours that I could have spent on the couch doing something to improve my life, like watching the Simpsons.

Let's Help

Today here all the people who work at Willie's World, the people who are out in front and all the little people behind the scene, want to ask you all to reach down into your pockets and give a little. One of the people who makes comments on the blog, is going to be raising money for Multiple Sclerosis with a bike ride in November. His name is Mr Snootles, he is the guy from down under who is constantly monitoring your pals spelling and grammar. He is my grammar police, and I really love it when he does those things. Yes it makes my day, and why is that, because that's all I think about and I become obsessed and can't sleep at night, so I walk the streets at night looking for anybody who will be my friend and all I can think about is spelling and............ Sorry, I got carried away a tad. Well any who, if you can give a little for a good cause. Go Here to sponsor Mr Snootles,who is going by the name Michael Banner on the web site. He is probably in the witness protection program or running from his past( I fixed it, OK) or something. Well any who, lets help if you can. Thanks.

And another thing. What is going to make this ride even more special is that because it is in Australia, which is on the other side of the world from the U.S., Mr. Snootles will be riding the whole way up side down. Look it up people it's science!

Pointing Out the Craziness with Humor

I love John Stewart and the way he points out the craziness and the crazies, with his own brand of humor, about the health care debate. How can you have a true conversation about health care when you are constantly being bombarded with misinformation. And I particularly like the name Yellington J. Crazy Pants.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Healther Skelter
http://www.thedailyshow.com/
Daily Show

Does Evil Have Bats in the Belfry

This morning at spin class Evil looked a little out of sorts. It seems that she is upset because she is finding bats in her living area. The first thing that I thought, was that she left door open to her lair and a couple of her children of night decided to come out to check out the world of the living. She said that she even found a bat in a bucket. I like that phrase "a bat in a bucket". My thought was that the bat was dying and did not really fully understand the phrase kicking the bucket and just went with bat in a bucket. The downside to the bat infestation is that her dog is going crazy. The upside, they haven't seen a mosquito in a couple of days.

And there was yet another strange happening at Evils home. Around midnight when she was all alone, reading "The King and the Corpse" by Heinrich Zimmer. She started to nod off when there was a knock at her door. She did not answer the door. She said it was very scary. She explained the incident this way.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

When Evil talks like this it kind of creeps me out. It's creepy and entertaining all at the same time.

Any who, she had a kick ass workout with good tunes for a great workout.

A Couple Of Horse Stories

Evander Holyfield To Box Horse For Heavyweight Title



First Openly Gay Racehorse To Compete Sunday

Sunday Funnies

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em."

Matthattan Fly Over

Remember the story of the fly over in Manhattan the defence department did that caused such a problem a couple of months back. Here are those pictures. If you spin the wheel on your mouse it gives you a real impression of really flying. Air bags are supplied.

I Hate Chain Letters

Please don't send me any chain letters because I delete them immediately. I know that I am your special friend and before you kick the bucket you want to let me know just how you feel, well I don't give a dam. And I know that by not forwarding these messages I am going to have years of bad luck. Yea, and that scares me,how? And I don't want to be loved by God or Jesus or Ronald McDonald or anybody else.

The animation on these chain letters just make me puke. Teddy bears, dancing flowers, creepy clowns, puppy's it always annoys me. And the best one's are those that say if you pass this email along you will be rewarded with something special that day. Yea a computer virus. So I think I have gotten my message across to you all. No chain letters for Willie.


If you pass this on to 10 people you will have good luck for the rest of your life. You will also be saving many puppy's from being slaughtered for use in the Hormel Company's lunch meat. Sold under the name Hormel's Prime Balonuppy.

This was originally posted Oct 12,2007.

Who is Really Pushing the Anti Health Care Movement

This report on the so called peoples protest about health care is very scary and enlighting. It shows who is really behind this, so called peoples protest. And who will win out if there is no health care reform. It is a long report but stick with it. It is a real eye opener.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I just had to add the Comedy Central Clip that points out the take that the Republicans and their flunkies at Fox have about a program that is working very well, Cash for Clunkers.


Master Rebators

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Spinal Tap Performance

What have you been doing?

Guess who is back in town, Hellboy Josh, that's who. We got together for a beer, well many beer to be truthful, last night. It was good to see Josh as we always seem to have good conversations about what is happening in the world. We always have a good laugh, and sometimes fear, about what the ultra fringe right wing talking heads are promoting. It is always good, for me any way, to talk to Josh, as he confirms some of the craziness that I see in the our politics.

And there is a part of me that really dislikes Josh and it always starts with him saying "Well what have you been up too?" and my reply is "Not to much, but I did see a movie last week." Than I ask him what he had been up to since the last time we talked. He starts with him working 2 day a week as a bartender making some good money and meeting many lady's. Then he runs a couple of miles every day, he has been in New York, New Hampshire, Vermont and Maine doing some rock climbing. He also told me he had gone to the airport to go down to Costa Rica, but the flight was booked so he took of for Yellowstone park for a couple days of rock climbing. Other than that he hasn't done too much. Oh I and I forgot, I did buy a new weed whacker. Some times I dislike that guy a lot.

A Wining Evil

Evil class on Monday with a very hard work out. And she is proving my theory, and that theory is, that when she is not feeling well or she is tired, as she said she was on Monday, that she kicks up her workouts to near hear attack levels. Even though it was really very hard, it was a very good workout. And I only say that after it is over and I am not in the back of a ambulance with two defibrillator marks on my chest. And the music that she used for this hell ride was great, with lots of Led Zeppelin and classic rock music.

Before the workout Evil was wining about the weather, many days of rain, and said that she, if she had the chance, would move to Mass. Like it's not raining in Mass. And I don't know if she realizes it yet, but the whole spin class will not let her go. It's just that simple. We would sabotage every move she tried to make. We all love the evil one and don't want to see her go. So if she doesn't wants her life to be a Twilight Zone episode, about a women who keeps trying to leave her friends and every time she she trys, she is refrained from leaving by one of the spin class people. Eat your heart out Rod Serling. So what I am saying is sit back Evil and relax, you will spending the rest of your life in the "SPIN ZONE" with your spin class. Creepy huh.

Generation Gap

On Saturday my wife and I were invited to our friends home for a get together. These friends of ours have this giant party/barbecue every year, and have friends from all over come and party for 3 days. It was a very good time as every one that I met and talked too was very nice.

Our friends are about 15 or 20 years younger then we are, and most of their friends are that young as well. At one point there was this discussion of celebrities that we have met. One women had vacationed somewhere and had met Goldie Hawn and her daughter Kate Hudson. Bye the way,Goldie and Kate, are very nice and down to earth. Well any who everyone was chiming in about celebrities that they had met,so your pal not wanting to be left our, I said that I had once met Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention. Well at that point 2 of the women started singing this song that was on Sesame Street or the old children's show the Electric Company about mother of invention. It took me another 5 minutes to explain who the Mothers were. It was like I said that I met Al Jolson or Buster Keaton. Someone finally chimed in and said that they love Zappa and that their parent had been fans. I was waiting for someone to say "Did you ever party with Methuselah." Well it was just another indication that I am on the downside of life. I finally impressed the group by saying that I party every weekend with Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. Wooho, par-tee down.

Sunday Funnies

While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco , a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"

"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.

"You've gotta be kiddin' me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK.." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the heck happened to you?"

He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.

When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This just ain't gonna be your day, cupcake..."

A Poem

What is a fart?

A fart it is a pleasant thing,

It gives the belly ease,

It warms the bed in winter,

And suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet,

A fart can be loud,

Some leave a powerful,

Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short,

Or a fart can be long,

Some farts have been known

To sound like a song....

A fart can create

A most curious medley,

A fart can be harmless,

Or silent and deadly.

A fart might not smell,

While others are vile,

A fart may pass quickly,

Or linger a while...

A fart can occur

In a number of places,

And leave everyone there,

With strange looks on their faces.


From wide-open prairie,

To small elevators,

A fart will find all of us

Sooner or later.

But farts are all bad,

Is simply not true-

We must never forget....

Sweet old farts like you!