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Willie's World Recommendation

I want all of the people who visit this blog to check out Lodo Grdzak Stays Put and Watches the World Go Round. He has a wonderful take on life, that he writes about in his blog. And unlike your pal he is a very good writer. Check it out, especially the last two blogs I See Dead People part 1 and 2, they are gems.

Interview with Car...I mean Wonder Women

Uncle Willie: Today here at Willie's World we have the pleasure of interviewing a spin class semi regular, pregnant Carrie. Who by the way is not pregnant. Welcome to Willie's World studios.

Carrie: Thanks Uncle Willie.

Uncle Willie: OK Carrie let's talk about your other persona Wonder Women. I don't think anyone is spin class knew that you had this secret identity. Ha ha.

Carrie: That's right Uncle Willie, it all started a couple of weeks after my little girl was born. I just knew that I had a calling in life. I been told by my parents that I was a member of an all-female tribe of Amazon women whose mission is to bring the Amazon ideals of love, peace, and sexual equality to a world torn by the hatred of men.

Uncle Willie: Whoa Carrie, you really do think that you are Wonder Women, and it's not just a Halloween costume for you.

Carrie: That's right Uncle Willie.I have kept this a secret from the spin class. I don't want everyone to feel that I am someone special. I just want to be one of the gals, even though that it's a lot of work catching criminals and taking care of 5 kids, but it come with the territory.

Uncle Willie: Gee Carrie I don't know what to say. I thought that you were just a regular mother and wife. This is really interesting. Tells us about some of your powers.

Carrie: Well Uncle Willie my powers include super strength, super speed, stamina, and flight. I am highly proficient in hand-to-hand combat and in the art of tactical warfare. I also possesses an animal-like cunning and a natural rapport with animals, which has in the past been presented as an actual ability to communicate with the animal kingdom.

Uncle Willie: Gee Carrie could you come over to my house an talk to this Chickadee, and ask it if it is he who is emptying the whole bird feeder in one day.

Carrie: Sure Uncle Willie I can do that for you. And it's Wonder Women.

Uncle Willie: Sorry Carrie, I mean Wonder Women. Do you really think you are the real Wonder Women. I tell you something you are creeping me out a little. Do you have a Lasso of Truth?

Carrie: Of course I do. I also have the invisible plane in my cellar. I keep it there now that I can fly with out it.

Uncle Willie: Let me ask you something Car.....I mean Wonder Women. How come when you are taking the spin class you are sweating and red faced like the rest of us. Shouldn't you just breeze threw the class like it was nothing, using your secret powers.

Carrie: Well, I don't want any villains that take spin class to know that I am Wonder Women.

Uncle Willie: Oh I see, yes I could see the problem if you reveal yourself as Wonder Women. But what about your husband or your kids do they know the real you?

Carrie: Why of course they do. We are all part of the Justice League.

Uncle Willie: Well OK. I think I have better rap this interview up. We want to thank Car.....

Carrie: Wonder Women please.

Uncle Willie: I mean Wonder Women. OK now everybody please don't forget to look for the next blog post here at Willie's World. Also I would like to say...........

Carrie: Hey Uncle Willie I am going to lasso you with the lasso of truth and ask if you really workout that hard in spin class like you say.

Uncle Willie: That won't be necessary Wonder I think everyone knows that I am the spiniest spinster in spin cl..........Hey what are you doing....... Stop that......... Put that lasso down......... Don't please don't....... . Help Superman help me!

Driving Me Crazy

This is another post in my never ending battle for truth justice and the American Way. No wait a minute, that's Superman's battle. What my battle is , " Trying to Drive in Maine." Yes kiddies I am back complaining about what I see as bad driving. People are driving your pal, Uncle Willie, up the proverbial wall. And what am I complaining about this time. First let me calm down and I'll tells ya. And this has happen to me many, many, many times as of late. I and the crazy person in front of me come up to a stop sign and stop of course. This crazy person in front of me will not pull out unless there is not a car coming, in both direction, for at least 10 miles. And of course your pal could have been at my destination and back again if I was in front of the line. I don't want to say that this person was slow to pull out, but if it was your pal, I could have pulled out stopped and backed up and pulled out again. That's how much room they had to make a left turn. Gingonetties, some one please help me cope with this.

It may sound like I am some kind of a crazy person to complain about driving , but it drives me crazy. Most of the time I am a reasonable person..........." The next time that ball come on my lawn I am keeping it." Sorry, it was just some punk kids playing baseball. You would think that 4 year old would know better. Like I said I try to get along with everyone.........."That's it I'm keeping the ball." Sorry what was I saying . OH yes. It's just so hard being perfect. It's a curse.

Yankees vs Phillie's 2009 ......................May

On Tuesday I was just about to go out when I flipped on the old TV. And what was on, the Yankees, playing the Phillie's. It was the third inning and Sabattis was pitching and there was no score. So your pal is thinking "I thought that the game was suppose to be on Wednesday" But what the heck I have been wrong once before in my life. So I watched the game for a while till I had to leave.

Once I got back home I turned on the game and the score was 3 to 2 Phillie's in the bottom of the ninth. Well it turns out the Yankees tie the score, in there half, and it is going into extra innings. Just as they tie the score my father calls, and as I am talking to him I ask if he is watching the game. He said he thought the game was on Wednesday. But I said "I thought so too but I am watching it now." I also tell my dad that they must be running a delay because when the Phil's changed pitchers there was no warm up, they went right to the first pitch. I said to my dad "This is really great, no delays."

I was so excited that the Yankees had tied the score that I was beside myself. And if you have ever done that you know how painful that is. So here I am all excited and what pops up on the screen May 24 2009. I am watching a game that was played this May against the Phil's. Well I could just sh-t. How embarrassing is it. I can just see my father going through the 300 channels looking for the game. Oh well I should call him back but I don't think so. This will be pay back for the time he made me stay in my room all day when I was 10. Pay backs are a bitch.

Scary Spinning

Mondays spin class run by our gal Evil and her theme was Halloween. She played a lot of scary music to go along with her workout. This music is probably on a loop down in Evil's dungeon. I think she tyred to carry this theme out to the 10 degree by actually trying to make her own Halloween decoration, a corpse, using one of the spinners. It was s tough workout to say the least. But we all made it.

Now that the summer is over the class is beginning to fill out. Back from a long summer of training and running a marathon was Pregnant Carrie, who is not pregnant, yet. And it was good to see the other Wendy back as well.

Evil seems to be a little distracted she has not been her usual happy self as of late. And also , the people who have been there the longest will have to take a back seat to all the new interlopers that will be coming to take the class. I noticed today that it is starting. After class most of the times, I get together and sit down with Ms. Evil and chat. Well today I became part of the wall as I was left out of any interaction. And you know that it's OK and I know that she needs to make new friends. And I will miss her happy smile and her sweaty clothes. It will take time, and I know that soon I will be able to finish her class without a tear running down my cheek. I will always cherish the times we had together and....................I have to stop now it's to painful to go on.

Bonus Post ........The Yankees Win

War on the White House

It is in the religion of ignorance that tyranny begins. ....Benjamin Franklin

Sunday Funnies

Soupy Sales

One of my childhood favorites Soupy Sales passed away on Thursday. He had a show on TV in the New York area in the 60's. I would always make sure that I got home in time to watch his show every day. The show was promoted as a kid show but it would cross all the age groups. One of the thing he did on the show was to, at least one time every show, have a pie smashed into his face. And as the show became more and more popular celebrities would show up and have a pie in the face. Even Frank Sinatra even got one.

The one stunt that got him suspended was on the show on New Years Day,
he instructed kids to tiptoe into their parents' bedroom, take out "green pieces of paper with pictures of guys with beards" and send them to his New York station. The punch line: "And you know what I'm gonna send you? A postcard from Puerto Rico." The station suspended him for a couple of days.

Soupy Sales gave innocent kids and sophisticated adults, a couple of laughs and he will always make me smile when I think about him.

Check This Out

The Amazing 3D Chalk Guy

Death Workout

I ran yesterday spin class and I thought that I would run a contest with the prize being a CD of the workout. And what I found was a workout that had a singer or a band mate that had died. That was the theme running thorough the workout. And at the end of the workout I was suppose to talk about how exercises and living healthy would give you a chance of living longer.

I started the workout and about 3 songs in, Dede yells out "There all have a band member that died." I did not say anything and went on with the class. And all the time I am trying to think was else all of these singers and groups have in common. I was really distracted the whole ride with coming up with something.

So the workout is over and everyone is saying the same thing "They all have a mate that died." So in the spur of the moment I said " No, it's that they all wear size 10 shoes." that was the best I could come up with in an hour. And then I went on and on about how everyone should have known about their shoes sizes. But it did not work and I had to give the prize up.

So from now on any question about music , Dede(Go here for the story on Dede ) will not be able to participate because she knows to much about all kinds of music. And she can bring it up at the drop of a hat, unlike your pal who takes usually 3 or 4 days for the answer to pop into my head. Well any who it was a good class anyway.

Groups or singers that I used.
Beach Boys, AC/DC, INXS,The Doors, Elvis, Queen, Ramones, Nirvana, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Selena George Harrison, Lynyrd Skynyrd,Jimi Hendrix, The Beatles, The Who, The Bee Gees, Luthur Vandross.

Alien Driver

I hate to sound like Glen Beck, but I think there is a conspiracy on foot, or it could be that aliens have landed and are taking over the populist. And the reason I feel this way is because ever since the tourist have gone back home, there have been a plethora of very slow drivers that end up in front of your pal. Because my wife, as well, has run into this as of late, something is going on.

Just yesterday I was leaving Camden and going to the dump, I mean the recycling center, and got behind this Toyota going 15 miles and hour in a 25 mph zone. OK, it could have been a real old person driving, or it could be a alien from another plant who has been dropped off on our planet to piss off everyone. After the recycling center, or the dump, I headed off to the Game Zone to purchase a new game for my new Playstation 3. As soon as I hit route 1, the person in front of me must have mistook the route 1 sign for the speed limit. So in about 3 miles I was passed by a 60 year old jogger, a turtle and a women using a walker. I tells ya it is very weird. And like I said it's not just me it's a lot of the people that I have talked to lately are saying the same thing.

So watch out and be attentive, because there out there taking over the body's of older drivers with the clear purpose of driving all of us crazy. So if you get behind some driver that is going 10 mph under the speed limit, back off. Be afraid be very afraid.

Still Alive and Spinning

Yesterday morning our gal Evil did a hell of a job in trying to get my heart to beat out of my chest. But once again I have thwarted her attempt. I know that she will not admit it, but if she catches me falling off of my ride, flopping around on the floor like a freshly landed bluefish, holding my chest, her life will be complete. One sure sign of how hard the workout was, is that after each segment there was a collective chorus of moans from the people taking the class. And all this pain from a little munchkin like cutie pie with the will of Attila the Hun. But once again I lived to spin another day. Hey ERSG, I am making the raspberry sound.

On another note Evils parents are staying at her home for a couple of days. She told me that her parents are arguing every day with her husband over political ideology's . It seem her parents are democratic liberals, and her husband is an evil republican. Well all I can say is "You go Papa and Nana Evil." You fight the good fight.

Here is one of the songs that Evil used to try to do me in. Enjoy.

Monday

Well it is Monday the beginning of the week, a new beginning, a new start. A time to start out fresh. 423,000,000 hits on a Google search for Monday. According to the Christian count, Sunday is the first day of the week. This is the standard format in the United States, Canada and Japan. But we all know that Monday is the beginning of the week. Monday also means back to work. Putting our nose to the grind stone getting back to earning the bucks to provide. Boy I really hate getting up on Monday to go to work. All I want to do is just stay in bed and.......... Wait a minute I'm retired, I don't have to get up. I'm going back to bed. Have a nice Monday.

Sunday Funnies

Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said " Ya know Mahtha, I'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane."

and every year Martha would say "I know Stumpy, but that ihplane ride costs ten dollahs.... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."

So Stumpy says " By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may nevah go."

Martha replies " Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."

So the pilot overhears them and says " Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars."

They agree and up they go.... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard, he does it one more time, still nothing... so he lands.

He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says " By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn't."

And Stumpy replies " Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out...but ten dollahs is ten dollahs!

For It Was Mary, Mary

For it is Mary, Mary
Ran a class as hard as it can
But with propriety, society will say Marie
But it was Mary, Mary
Long before she kicked every ones ass
And there is something there that sounds so square
It's a grand old name
And I will kick your ass if you call me Marie

Yes, it was Mary who did kick everyone ass in spin class. She expects everyone to work as hard as she does. Well I want to tell you that's almost impossible for everyone, except for your pal of course. I feel sorry for all of the other people who moan and groan through the whole class. If you try to keep up with Mary you are going to hurt yourself. And as I've said before, Mary runs a good class, almost as good as your pal. But I will give her props, because she does use that dam microphone. "Dam you technology." Any way a good ride with good tunes.

The Craziness of Our Elected Politicians

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Womens Lib

Today I ran the spin class and it was just spectacular. Good work out with good tunes. I had them all panting like Rin Tin Tin after he ran to get help to save Rusty and Lt. Rip Masters.

The spin class is mostly filled with women. And one thing that I have noted from their conversations is that,mostly the men rule the roost. There are some women who have full time jobs as well as their husbands and they have to do most of the running around while their husbands sit on the couch or sleep late on a Saturday morning. How come I did not get one of these wives. I got the one who we have to share all of the duties and responsibilities. What's up with that! When I see one of these women stop in the middle of the class, a class that they look forward too taking, and leave to drop off a son or daughter while their husband is still in bed. I think " The women's movement has really not moved on as much as I thought."

Well ,I have to go now I have a lot of wash to do. And I have to pick up my wife's dry cleaning and stop by market to pick up something for dinner. That is after I paint her toenails. "Yes dear I'm coming." Gotta go.

Here is a tune from the class I ran today.

Worlds Olderst Neurosurgeon

What is that smell?

Yesterdays spin class was run by Evil and she had quite a comeuppance. There were only 5 people in her class. Welcome to my world Evil one. Now the 5 people who were there were the hard core people so it was a good workout. And Evil did a good job of putting together a workout. I have to say I have not worked that hard since I helped dig the Panama Canal. Once again the music was,as the English say, spot on.

Another tail that I am going to spin, is about the Saturday workout. Your pal took up his spot in the front line of the class, as I always do. The instructor was a little to my left,but right in front of me. As the workout began I started to sweat like Glen Beck before his shock treatments. So I got off my ride and moved one of the fans over and had it blow directly on myself. But the mistake was that I had put in directly in front of the instructor who let say ,had skipped the deodorant thing. Well for the rest of the ride that's all I could thing about. It was like riding the subway in Paris. And also Mary was right behind me and I'm also thinking, does she think that it is your pal who is smelling up the place. Well moving on I made it to the end without puking and Mary said that she knew it wasn't me. A lesson learned, "Don't move the fan."

Celebrate

Today we celebrate three great events. The first is Columbus Day. After leaving Spain in 1492 spotted what is now the Bahamas. Where did Columbus first land in America? On his feet that's where! His three ships were the Nina,Pinta and the Santa Maria. Do you all know how Columbus's ships were like an avid shopper? They're both driven by sales! And I know one of the burning questions on his journey was; What's the difference between one of Columbus's sailors and a monster? One left his Spain behind and the other left his brain behind! So lets all celebrate today, an explorer who many years ago discovered the land we all take vacation in. And by the way" What would you get if you crossed October 12 with Halloween? Ghoulumbus Day!"

The second and third celebration ,for me any way, is that the Red Sox were eliminated by the California Angels. And that the Denver Broncos beat the New England Patriots.

Go Yankees and Giants.

Sunday Funnies

Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,
"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"I recognize her; she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says, "Geez, Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time!"

Peace Prize Quotes

A couple of well wisher for President Obama winning the Nobel Peace prize.

"Something has happened here that we all agree with the Taliban and Iran about and that is he doesn't deserve the award." ...Rush Limbaugh

Bill Kristol suggests that Obama will be kicked out in 2012, based on the fact that the Soviet Union collapsed a year after Mikhail Gorbachev won a Nobel Peace Prize.

Glenn Beck says Obama doesn't deserve the prize, but the Tea Party protesters do .

RedState's Erick Erickson went for the race card, suggesting President Obama must have been picked to meet some Nobel Peace Prize "affirmative action quota."

Brian Kilmeade wonders whether Obama delayed his decision on sending more troops to Afghanistan to win the Nobel.

As someone said on TV last night if President Obama had some how negotiated world peace the neo-cons would say that he was was destroying the military industrial complex.

Stupid Lists

I just got a email from a friend and it was titled "Observations on Growing Older". Usually I breeze threw these things and it gives me a few chuckles. But this last list kind of hit home with a couple of statements. And they are as follows;

Going out is good. Coming home is better!

You realize you're never going to be really good at somethings..especially golf.

The things you cared to do,you don't care to do,but you care that you don't care to do them anymore.

Many of the people in People Magazine you've never heard of.

Everybody whispers.

Get ready younger folks because you are not far behind your pal. Your time will come. There will be these lists that people will send you, and you will notice that you recognize more and more statements that are about you. Mark your calender for 20 years in the future and remember what your pal has predicted. Then come back and stand over my grave and say "Uncle Willie you were so like that Nostradamus dude."

Can Anybody Hear Me

Today your pal ran the spin class once again. And as usual it was spot on. I am having a problem with people hearing me during the workout. The Y provides a microphone but I just don't like wearing it, so I haven't as of yet. I tyred it a couple of weeks ago and it was disastrous. I sounded like I was a manager at one of those Walmart calling out some person to "Clean up on aisle 3". And another reason I don't wear it is that the guy who runs the class on Saturday, during the workout, all you can hear is his heavy breathing during the class. It sounds like he in one of those porn movies, which I have never seen, I have just heard about them from other people. Well any way I guess I will have to start wearing it because they are getting complaints about not being able to hear me. Geez people get a hearing aid or a ear horn.

Tune in next week to find out it your pal will wear the micophone. And will Betty find the lost key that will finally open the door to save Bill. And will grandpa get that wooden leg he alway wanted, the one with the picture of Fatty Arbuckle carved into the calf. And will Peter finally get his dream to become a women. Find out next week.

One of the tunes I played in class was this one from Cake.

Dam You Hitler!

Adolf Hitler will go down in history as one of the most evil and despised human beings of all time. But the one thing no one ever talks about, and we should all hold him responsible for, is the lost forever of the Hitler mustache. Yes, we could have the use of this look today if it wasn't for Mr Hitler. We could be copying the charming good looks of Charlie Chaplin
but no because of AH it is lost forever. DAM YOU HITLER!

Googling Hitler mustache provided 380,000 hits.

Originaly posted 9/23/07

No Bike for Your Pal

Monday I was back in the saddle in spin class after the 10 hour ride from hell over the weekend. And the length of the ride wasn't the hell, it was my wife, who yelled at me for about 9 and a half hours, because she does not like the way I drive. And feel the same way about her driving skills as well. Any way we made it without any punches being thrown. Getting back to the spin class, it was a good class run by our gal Evil. She has really kicked it up since she has been back from vacation. It must be all that pent up energy she had stored away. And once again your pal did not get on a new bike. Do these miscreants who take my bike, that I deserve, know who they are dealing with, I guess not. I guess I will have to get up real early or an alternative would be to take the Silver Slippers class before the spin class. But I don't own a pair of silver slippers, a gold pair yes, but no silver.

Any way the class had a lot of the regulars, Mary Heidie, Dede,Paula, Bernice, Dollie, Wendy, and of course your pal. Good music and a good workout by Evil sent everyone home with a smile on their face and big wet stains under their arms. And one more note is that Evil has just been real perky lately. She has kicked up her perkiness to a new level. Something is up with that. She is like a cheerleader on steroids, it's kind of creepy. Oh well she does give us a good workout so I will put up with this god awful cheeriness .

Added bonus a picture of your pal getting down at the wedding this weekend.

A Wedding

You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Pennsylvania wedding Zone!

This weekend my wife and I traveled to a little town in Pennsylvania, Kennett Square, to attend the wedding of one of my friends daughter. The place where the wedding and reception took place was beautiful. The ceremony was very nice being held outside with the weather being just great. After the ceremony we all went to the hall to celebrate and have a good time. My wife and I were seated at a table that had people of all ages, so it was nice to talk to all of the folks.There was one young girl at our table that was a little annoying because she kept texting through the whole affair. I guess it's just me but this really got to me, and if I would have had a couple more drinks and I would have said something.

As the evening went on and the drinks began to flow I got the courage to get up and dance. Now my idea of dancing is to put weight on one foot and then the the other while throwing my hands around to the beat of the music. Needless to say that I will never be mistaken for Fred Astair. I don't want to say that I look strange dancing but two people thought that I was having an epileptic seizure.

For most of the night your pal and a couple of women were the only ones on the floor, cutting a rug like the kids say. But as it always does the more drinks that were consumed the more people crowded on to the dance floor. By the end of the night every one that was left was on the floor. And because I was no longer the center of attention I just sat down.

After the evening was over there was a shuttle bus supplied to take the guest back to their hotel. And this was a very interesting trip, as most of the people on board were quite drunk. And this bus was swaying back and forth like a small sailboat in bad wind. With this combination it was just a matter of time before one of the young lady's, who was just snookered, let go right on to the brides beautiful wedding dress. And with that as a cap for the evening we all got back to our rooms for a good nights sleep.

Sunday Funnies

One day at school the teacher gave each child a lifesaver and let them try to identify the lifesaver flavors by their color:

Red......................Cherry
Yellow..................Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange ...............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!'

Hannity Being Stupid

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Look out Pennsylvania Here I Come

Well it's off to Pennsylvania to attend a friends daughters wedding. It will be a short trip leaving today and coming back on Sunday. There is nothing better, in your pals world, than driving for 10 hours, It has got to be right up there, for me, with my lung operation. But being in Pennsylvania does have it advantages. I intend on picking up a bucket of coal and how could I leave the Keystone state and not travel on the first high-speed multi-lane highway, the Pennsylvania Turnpike, or have a banana split which was first invented in Pennsy. And what would a visit to the Keystone state without seeing a Ruffed Grouse, the state bird. And best of all the wedding is in the town of Kennett Square, which is known as the Mushroom Capital of the World. Yahoo for fungus. All and all it should be a good trip. But the one thing I will truly miss is all 35 people who tune in every day to read my crap filled posts. You can't see it but there is a tear running down my cheek right now. And as our Amish friends would say “Go out and tie the dog loose and don’t forget to outen the light.”

Andy Rooney on Women Over 50

As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest.. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 50, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!