Who is a Douche

So You Think You Can Douche

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She's Back

Well who walked into the spin class yesterday as your pal was about to start one of his spintastic classes. ROSBF that's who. It seems that there had been a communication problem, in that ROSBF had not quit, but that she just had been away. So Mary is off the hook and not the reason that we all thought that ROSBF had quit. So I will have to keep an eye on Mary on Wednesday from now on. I think she is capable of some crazy action and I will have to be on the alert to make sure she does not get out of hand.

Getting to the real meat of the post is that your pal kicked butt yesterday with one of the best spin-da-rific classes that people from around here haven't seen since..... well, the last class that I ran. At the end everyone was sweating like a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest. At least I think, that's why the class was sweating. Or it could be that it was 85 degrees in the workout room. I tend to think it was my spintacular routine. Enough said.

Glen Beck is Nuts

Hey, Glen Beck pull down your pants and show them your nuts. Glen does not have to pull his pants down, all he has to do is open his mouth. His in his latest rant he called the president a racist. Saying he does not like white people, even though his mother was white and his grandmother, who raised him is white. Can this man get any crazier. Here is just a couple of the words of wisdom from this moron.

1.Obama has "exposed himself as a guy" with "a deep seated hatred for white people"
2.Obama "wants to create a civilian army" of "community organizers ... more well-funded than the military"
3.Obama is "fundamentally transforming" the country to make it "look more like ACORN"
4. Healthcare "system is going to come out the other side dictorial - it's going to come out a fascist state"
5. Beck claims Obama tanking economy to drive teenagers into ACORN, Americorps
6.Obama agenda driven by "reparations" and desire to "settle old racial scores"

I could go on and on but I don't have that much time. The big problem with people like Beck is that he has millions of people hanging on and believing every word this nut spouts. To me it is the scariest part of people like Beck, Hannity and Limbaugh. These guys will say anything that comes into their heads to attack what ever President Obama says and a large part of their audience will take it as the word of god. People complain about President Obama being over exposed on TV, but he has to set the records straight. With these guys, plus many more of lesser right wing talkers are out there spreading lies and miss information every day 7 days a week about health care, he has to be out there. Lets have an honest debate that's all I want and I am sure that's what most people want.

Evil's Back

Vacation is over and Evil has spread over land. I am not talking about Sean Hannity. What I am saying is that Evil Republican Spin Goddess has returned from vacation. Oh yes and she has returned with a vengeance with one of the toilsome workout in a while. My heart rate was in the stratosphere and going up. She has way to much energy and it should take a while to calm her down. So I guess we will be in for it for a couple of more weeks. Any who it was a classic workout from our evil gal, good music and a very good workout.

In attendance was Mary, Heidi, Dede,Dolly the other Wendy, the other Nancy, who worked out for about 10 minutes and a interloper, and of course Mr Spinie, the spin meister general, the king of spin, Brad Pitt look-a-like, your pal.

I Want The Rain Too Stop

Once again all I can think about is rain, and why is that? Because it has been raining and raining way too much. I am now living in a jungle because of it. Some one said to me that with all the rain now it could be a spectacular fall. Fu-k the fall give me a little sun now, please.


Song For The Rainy Season
by Elizabeth Bishop

Hidden, oh hidden
in the high fog
the house we live in,
beneath the magnetic rock,
rain-, rainbow-ridden,
where blood-black
bromelias, lichens,
owls, and the lint
of the waterfalls cling,
familiar, unbidden.

In a dim age
of water
the brook sings loud
from a rib cage
of giant fern; vapor
climbs up the thick growth
effortlessly, turns back,
holding them both,
house and rock,
in a private cloud.

At night, on the roof,
blind drops crawl
and the ordinary brown
owl gives us proof
he can count:
five times--always five--
he stamps and takes off
after the fat frogs that,
shrilling for love,
clamber and mount.

House, open house
to the white dew
and the milk-white sunrise
kind to the eyes,
to membership
of silver fish, mouse,
bookworms,
big moths; with a wall
for the mildew's
ignorant map;

darkened and tarnished
by the warm touch
of the warm breath,
maculate, cherished;
rejoice! For a later
era will differ.
(O difference that kills
or intimidates, much
of all our small shadowy
life!) Without water

the great rock will stare
unmagnetized, bare,
no longer wearing
rainbows or rain,
the forgiving air
and the high fog gone;
the owls will move on
and the several
waterfalls shrivel
in the steady sun.

This is how I feel about the rain. In the clip below substitute the rain for the birds.

Sunday Funnies

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

More Cowbell

Yesterday Mary ran the spin class and it was a doozie. It was a very good ride and I was almost completely exhausted unlike every one in class who was. I don't want to go on and on again about how, your pal, is a step above the rest of the spinners in stamina and his spinning prowess. But any who it was a good work out, plus the class was full, Mary is obviously paying people to come to her class. That be as it may, Mary's music was great and one of the songs she played was Blue Oyster Cults "Don't Fear the Reaper". And during the song Michelle, one of the semi regulars, blurts out "More cowbell", a reference to the SNL skit. . I guess Mary had never seen the SNL skit, so I found a clip for her and I hope she will ,from now on, always know what the "More cowbell" is in reference too.



More Cowbell!!!

Showing Crazy People That They are Crazy

The Born Identity

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Mary's Revenge Pays Dividends

Well Mary did it, she finally got rid of ROSBF. Yes sweet Mary, who staged a silent protest in spin class 2 weeks ago, has now gotten rid of ROSBF. I hope she is happy now that she sent ROSBF down to the minors. The only problem now is that I will have to keep an eye on Mary and make sure that she is getting a good work out, or it could be the salt mines for your pal. Well any who, after the class that I ran today I should be good in her eyes for another week or so.

Today's class was quite full, I guess Evil didn't get the word out to boycott my class yesterday. The class like I said was full and it was very hot and muggy in the workout room. This caused everyone to sweat like people working out in a hot and muggy room. The workout room is suppose to be air conditioned but you could never tell by me. I think the Y's idea of air conditioning is the average temperature on the equator, about 95.

In attendance and sweating like pigs were sweet Mary, Heidi, Jim, the other Wendy, Nancy, new young guy Ben, and a couple of big interlopers. It was a good class with good tunes and the cherry on top, it was run by your pal.

Abortion Seen Through the Eyes of the Rightwing

Go here for a look.

Happy Q-tip Day

First a little explanation about yesterdays post picture. Those teeth in my mouth in the picture, are not real. My real teeth are much worst. And now today's post is about using a Q-tips to clean your ears. Last night I grabbed two Q-tips to clean the old ears out. After I finished I realized that the more gunk that is on the q-tip, disgusting right, the more satisfied I am. If after a cleaning there is not so much gunk, I am disappointed, what's up with that. Am I the only person who feels this way, or am I out there all by myself and if I am not, would anybody in there right mind admit to it. Inquiring minds want to know. Oh well, I see that this week is going to be filled with showers every day. So Friday could be a good Q-tip day to cheer me up, I could only hope.

A Note from Uncle Bleedy

For the last week or so I have been going through a bit of a problem. I had bit my lip and because I have a vein that is close to the top of the skin, it bleeds like crazy. Another problem with this injury is that, because it is in my mouth and moist, it takes forever to heal. Also it seems to start to bleed at very inappropriate times, like when I am in a restaurant or like two years ago at the Lobster Festival, by the way this is where my niece started to call me "Uncle Bleedy". She is so funny I forgot to laugh.

Well any who I think this all started after I had my teeth fixed at a this low cost no frills dentist. So this is a lesson to learn don't take any short cuts when it comes to choosing a doctor or a dentist.

The picture above is your pal and a friend, Dot, at our home. And this is the reaction to my new teeth. Some people are so cruel.

Sunday Funnies

The young Mainer came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Elmer, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Elmer replied, "Did you see who it was?
The young fella answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

NEWS FLASH! - Bethel, Maine----- Maine's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two local Maine college students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today in Bethel. Bethel search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.

What are the three biggest lies in Maine?

1) The Trailah's phaid fuh

2) She ain't muy sistah

3) I was only Helpin' that goat ovah tha fence .

Mary's Revenge

Yesterday Mary got even for the blog that I wrote about her silent in your face protest of ROSBF spin routine on Wednesday. And how did she do it ? Well I'll tell's ya. She ran the class yesterday and kicked every body's ass. I don't want to say that it was tough, but everybody in class was sweating like Sean Hannity, when he has to tell the truth. She was paying me back for that blog. She won't admit it but she was. It was clearly the anti-ROSBF ride from hell. Well any who, we all lived through the class and I have learned a lesson. Don't screw with Mary.

Fox's Alternate Universe

Fox's Alternate universe

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Obama's All-Star Pitch
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Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Joke of the Day

Mary A Spin Class Rebel

Yesterdays spin class was run by ( I am leaving out the name to protect her), lets call her " of sunnybrook farms" or ROSBF. But this is about Mary who has got a thing about ROSBF, she feels that she puts nothing into her workout, and Mary is constantly going on and on about it to your pal. Now I feel the same way, that is, about the way ROSBF runs her workouts and especially the music she chooses. I know that you can workout as hard as you want, but it makes life a little easier if you have the good tunes to spur you on.

Just before class, ROSBF was looking for some music when Mary pop up and looks to your pal to give her one of my workout disks. So I did and it worked out well for ROSBF as your pals workout music is killer I tells ya, killer. So with that I could see that Mary had calmed down a tad, she was not foaming at the mouth any longer. The workout was a OK, but when we started the cool down and stretch everyone, except Mary who continued to workout very hard thought the cool down, took a break. I don't know what ROSBF thought, but Mary was sending a message. I can only hope that there will be some kind of cat fight in class one day. Mary she's a rebel.

And He Can Pitch Too

Last night President Obama threw out the first pitch at the all star game in St. Louis. He got the ball to the Cardinals Albert Pujols from the pitching mound, unlike President Bush who did get the ball to the plate, but threw it from in front of the mound. I don't know the significance of that, but I just knew that Obama would not mess up that first pitch.

Evil On the Edge

Yesterday spin class a very hard and why was it hard, because Evil was a little stressed out. I have said this in the past that when ever she is stressed out or is not feeling well, look out you are going to be in for it. And with yesterdays spin class it was a perfect example. Lots of added tension on the fly wheel, and lots of speed. It seems that Evil has had a bunch of things happen in the last month involving her and her family that is stressing her out big time. I tyred to calm her down, you know the way that I do, but she is in the "I need a vacation" mode and was having none of that. I think she is going away next week with her husband and children for a little R&R. I hope when she returns that she is as calm as a toad in the sun, and not wheeled into class next Monday like Hannibal Lecter.

Any who the class was great with a lot of spinners there. In a attendance was Mary, Jim, the original Wendy, Michelle, Nancy, the other Nancy and a whole slew of interlopers.

This is good

Sunday Funnies

How To maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity


1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See ff they slow down.

2.Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice!

3.Every time someone asks you to do something, ask ff they want fries with that.

4.Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

5.In the memo field of all your checks, write 'For marijuana'.

6.Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.

7.Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8.Specify that your drive-through order is 'To go'.

9. Sing along at the opera.

10.Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.

11.When the money comes out the ATM, scream 'I won! I won!'

12.When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling 'Run for your lives! They're loose!'

13.Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.'

14.Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.

Mexico Building Wall on Border

Mexico Builds Border Wall To Keep Out US Assholes

Habla otro idioma

Trying to learn another language, for me, is very difficult. I have tyred in the pass to learn Spanish and never got beyond hello and good bye. I have about 6 books on learning to speak Spanish. One of the books is titled "Spanish for Idiot's which has not, in my case,worked. I wonder if there is a book out there called," Spanish for Idiot's and People Who's Native English Sounds Like a Second Language." An example of my prowess with language was a time in Spain, while out to dinner, when I tyred to order a fish dish in Spanish. And what I said to the waiter was that I had a small bright green door in my nose. Bueno eso es agua bajo el puente.

Clip about language learning. In this case Russian to English.

Oscar Mayer

My lunch meat maker has a first name it's O-s-c-a-r

My lunch meat maker has a lifestyle it's D-e-a-d

That's right Oscar G. Mayer, retired chairman of the Wisconsin-based meat processing company that bears his name, has died at the age of 95. He died Monday at Hospice Care in Fitchburg. Mayer retired as chairman of the board in 1977 at age 62 soon after the company recorded its first $1 billion year. The company was later sold to General Foods and is now a business unit of Kraft.

Mister Mayers body was taken to the funeral home where it was promptly sliced into individual slices and hermetically sealed in a plastic wrap. The body was transported to the cemetery inside of the wienermobile. And that's no bologna.

Mutant Giraffe At Our Borders

This is a very strange story of a mutant giraffe, giraffe body and monkey head, and the problems of crossing over the border from Canada. Now the problems didn't arise because a giraffe can't drive or even that he could even get a licence, or that someone would even give him a permit to learn how to drive. It's that he had stuffed in his truck, a sawed off shot gun hidden in a box of stuffed animals. Yes it true a big goofy mutant giraffe concealing a sawed off shotgun, 12 gauge I believe, also, he had other mutant giraffe's in his truck but they knew nothing of the shotgun. As they moved closer to the border crossing he started to sweat, and it became harder and harder to swallow. And being a giraffe it is very hard, considering the length of his neck. As the guard came up to the truck, and asked him to roll down the window. He could hardly get the window down, as he was nervous, and he was a giraffe not use to rolling down windows. My next truck I'm getting automatic windows he thought.
" Have you got any fruits, vegetables or plants in this vehicle?" the guard said.
"No sir" the giraffe replied.
So the border guard started to walk around the truck, and spotted the box full of stuffed animals.
What's that? aay?" he said.
"Just a box of stuffed animals' the giraffe said.
"Lets have a look see aay" the guard said.
So the giraffe unhooks his seat belt , giraffes are very safety minded, and climbs out of the truck. He had such a hard time holding the keys, nervousness and the giraffe thing again. As he tried to open the back of the truck the key wouldn't fit. As much as he tried it wouldn't open. The guard tried, but it wouldn't work for him either. While this was going on traffic was building up behind this truck. The guard, started to get a little up tight about the traffic and finally saying to the giraffe
"OK get out of here !"
So with sigh of relief, the giraffe jumped back in the truck, and was about to drive off, when the guard approached the window again and said
"Your not from around here are you?"
"No I'm from Detroit" the giraffe said.
"I also noticed that you have a monkeys head" the guard said.
"We'll I am a mutant" the giraffe said with a big smile on his monkey face.
They all had a good laugh and promised that they would write. As the giraffe pulled away all he could think about is why he would cross the border with a sawed off shotgun hidden in a box of stuffed toys. But as often happens, that thought left his brain in a millisecond, as thoughts often due for a mutant giraffe. As the group drove towards Detroit they all had a good laugh.
"Can you believe that guard saying that I had just a monkey head.
"Yea, jokes on him it's a prehensile monkey head." They all laughed till there giraffe stomachs hurt. Mutant giraffe, you see, don't have the best sense of humor.

First posted on Aug. 8, 2007.

Strange Spin Class

Mondays spin class was so strange I don't know were to start. When I first walked into the spin room I did not believe what I saw. It seems the that Evil wanted all the women to wear these micro bikinis to work out in. I want to tell you it was a little bazaar, but nice, as all the women who take the class are all in good shape. I had the feeling that Evil had really gone way over to the dark side with this request but when I saw Jim, in a thong, well that was when my jaw dropped to the floor. What was seemed really crazy to me was that nobody was saying a thing about how they were all dressed, that is, until I started to mount my bike. That's when Dolly, dressed in a yellow poka-dot number, said that if I wanted to take the class I had to lose the shorts. I said " I was not going to drop trou and that I was still going to take the class", and that's when it got doubley weird. I was attacked by the whole class who ripped my shorts down and was just about to tear my underoos off when I woke up. It seems it was just a bad, or good, dream on how your look at it. But it was so real that from now on I am wearing one pair of underoos over another. You can never tell whats going to happen in that spin class.

A Hard Days Night

Yesterday in the town of Rockland Maine at a refurbished movie theater, our house guests (from New Jersey) and my wife and I, saw the movie A Hard Days Night. Every once in a while this theater will show older classic movies and me being a Beatles fan just had to drag our quests alone. The theater was filled to capacity with every age group from 6 to 60. And every time there was a song sung on the screen everyone in the theater was singing along. All and all it was a great time and a great movie. I ever wore a old neru jacket, Beatle boots and a Beatle wig and was quite the sight as the police were putting me in the squad car. Yeah-yeah-yeah.

Sunday Funnies

A Catholic priest, an Indian doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian from New Jersey were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.


The Italian from New Jersey fumed,
'What's with those jerks? We're waiting fifteen minutes between shots!'

The Indian doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!'

The Chinese businessman called out, 'Move it, time is money!'

The Catholic priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. Excuse me, sir!' said the priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'

The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'

The Indian doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything that he might be able to do for them.'

The Chinese businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!'

The Italian from New Jersey said, 'Why the fu*k can't they play at night?

Fireworks

Oooooooooooo "Kapow". Oh wow "Kabluie". "Ba boom". The staff here at Willie's World is proud to bring to all the shut in's, a fireworks display of words on this July the 4th 2009. "BaBa boom, isn't that just special." Who needs to go out and sit, in the case of Rockport Maine, a soggy wet field and have most of your blood drained by millions of mosquitoes. How convenient is it to sit, in the privacy of your own home and get that thrill of a wonderful fireworks display without all the fuss and mess. "BAMB, wow that was a good one." So use your imagination and enjoy the show. "Oh wow look at that its the finale, Biff..... Pow.....Zing....Kapow.....Kabluie......Ba Ba Boom.......Pow Pow Pow Pow....... Bamb."

Oh I forgot the colors. Red, Green. Blue, Silver, Gold and Spark-a-ley. Happy Fourth.

Here is a visual and sound for all of you unimaginative people that need it.

Warning: The Memoflex Gel Comfort Seat ( THE SEAT FROM HELL)

There is a epidemic sweeping across the land, and this is a warning. Thousands of unsuspecting people have purchased the Memoflex Gel Comfort Seat and are so comfortable that they now refusing to ever stand again. That's right you heard me right, refusing to ever stand again. There is a report of a couple in So Bend Ind. that has had their legs amputated because of this so called seating euphoria.Many of the users leg are now atrophied and it is growing problem. Mrs.Betty Higinbottom said " I tyred the Memoflex for the first time in 1998 and I have not stood up since ." Mr. Cletis Snodgrass said" It is so comfortable that I am putting it in my coffin, with a product like this you don't mind dieing". All I can say is watch were you put your behind, you could be sitting in HELL.

Originaly posted June 21,2007

I Hate Fox

Another unbiased report from the wonderful people at Fox on the election of Al Franken to the Minnesota Senate. Maybe it was because Mr.Franken wrote a couple of popular books about the fair and balanced Fox news me thinks. The people on the clip below are going on and on about Mr. Franken being a comedian and this coming from Glen Beck, former comedian, Steve Doocy, former weather guy, Gretchen Carlson, former beauty queen and Brian Kilmeade former sports reporter. Do you ever wonder why they don't have Mr Franken on their programs. Maybe it is because they don't have the intellectual capacity to understand a word that is more than 3
letters, or hearing the truth. Fair and balanced now that is a real joke.

Rain

Rain is Falling

by Alex Ymj

Rain, rain, its always raining,
Rain, rain, I end up saying,
Rain, rain, please go away now,
Rain, rain, just leave right now,
Rain, rain, don’t know how,
I don’t care how,
To make my rainy day just go away…

So I stand,
in the pouring rain,
So I can,
feel the growing pain,
Of having rain,
coming down like the Armageddon flame.

I can see raindrops playing their game,
Even though they look the same,
I know that there is more to rain……

It has been raining for what seems like a month and although I welcome the occasional rain and love a rainy day, this is way to much fu-k'in rain. So rain, rain go away.