Evil Kicked it Up

Its has been a week since I have taken a class with Evil, because I was in Florida. So I was looking forward to taking the class. Little did I know that she was a way at some spin extravaganza and was all pumped up and full of evilness. I know she will now, because of this spin thing, kick things up a whole lot, and yesterday was no exception.

It was a very hard work out, why I was sweating like a fat man chasing a M&M. And let me say again that she , Evil, must be paying people to come to her class. The class was full and a couple of people could not find a bike and missed class. As an example of other class attendance, Saturdays class had 3 people, and one of them had to be bribed with a free Bloody Mary after class. Her classes are always full, and I realize that she does the best workout, but p-a-a-a-a-lease give me a break. I know that she is mixing up some kind of evil potion in that lair of hers, under her house, and some how spraying it on all of us so we will follow her every move. Well any who the ride was excellent and the music was really great. Evil usually uses music mixes, but this time she used the actual song and it was really very good. And I am not saying the mixes were bad, it was just nice to hear the whole song unblemished some times. Again a great workout.

Here is one of the songs Evil used in her workout.

"Billy Mays not here"

TV pitch man Billy Mays was found unresponsive by his wife in his Tampa, Florida, home on the morning of June 28, 2009. He was then pronounced dead at 7:45 am, appearing to have died sometime overnight. His wife entered the bed room and switched on the Handy Switch ( 14.99 if you act now)discovering his lifeless body. She had just finished doing the laundry using Oxi Clean (3.99 )after cleaning the house with Orange Clean( no longer available ), Orange Glo(7.79 ) and Kaboom(4.99 ) when she realized that Mays was not up yet. Upon finding his lifeless body she rush out to her car and plugged in her Jupiter Jack( 19.95) ,which she was carring on her Tool Bandit(19.95), and called 911.

Billy Mays will be buried early next week. The grave will be dug using the Awesome Auger(19.95) and his coffin was engraved using the Engrave It( 9.95). Billy's suit will be pressed using the Steam Buddy(19.95). Pictures of Billy will be on display at the funeral home using the Hercules Hook(19.95).

We will all be missing this pitch man and I hope he will always have a orange glo around him were ever he is.

Here is a couple of Billy's funner moments.

Sunday Funnies

Catholic guy goes into the confessional box. He notices on one side a
fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling
array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to
confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more
inviting these days."

The priest replies "Get out. You're on my side.

Michael Jackson

I would like to take a second to talk about Michael Jackson and his death. Now I know that he was the king of pop and he had millions of fans who loved his music but, what is all the hubbub about. The TV is filled with stories on Jackson, even on channels that never cover these types of stories, like MSNBC. It is like the Pope or the president has died. It seems that there is 24/7 coverage of this story, he is a god figure, when a year and a half ago he was a reported pedophile who's bazaar looks, because of his many plastic surgery's, was scorned by the masses. I just don't get the reversal. It may be because he was a generational icon for millions of people who now are made to face the fact of their mortality, I just don't know. Well anyway, rest in peace Michael.



On a lighter note I ran the spin class Friday and it was just so special for all the class. Enough said.

Here is one of my favorite Michael Jackson songs.

Staying With My Dad

Staying with my father in Florida is a real experience in how the other half lives. I have learned that a visit of no more than three days is the maximum stay, as any more then that will plunge you into the depths of insanity. Let me say that I love my father, but we cannot be in the same place for more than a couple of days. An example of that is, I have learned over many years to not discuss politics, as he is very conservative and believes everything that is said on Fox is the real truth. And he loves Sean Hannity. I on the other hand am liberal and think almost all things on Fox are crazy and nutty and not to be believed. And I think Hannity is a jerk.

My father think that the inside of his home should be about the same temperature as the outside. While we were visiting him the temperature outside was about an average 97. The house was about 96 degrees, or about the same temperature as the Republic of Congo. The first thing I did when I walked through the door was head right for the ac control and adjust. For the next three days it was a battle of thermostat adjustments. When I when out for anything he would raise the temperature. I on the other hand would lower the temp every time he would leave the room. It was a battle to see if he would freeze or I would melt. Some of the other problems with the stay are that my father thinks that his septic system will explode if you take too many showers. Sun light is bad. I now know how living in a cave would be. Don't wash the dishes too much, septic problem again. And last but not least the house alarm. You cannot open a door without hearing two beeps and every door is locked at all times. For two days I kept grabbing the door knob and running face first into the locked door. Oh and don't go out to get the paper in the morning, you will be locked out in a split second.

Let me say again that I love my dad very much and I do enjoy being with him, but not for more than three days.

Welcome to Florida

Back from Fla. yesterday with a sun burn and a renewed conformation of why I would never live in that state. With temperatures close to 100 and humidity about the same, you could actually stick a fork in me and I truly would have been done. If you want to do anything in the out of doors you had better get it done before 9 AM or else you are toast, and I mean that literally. There are no signs of life outside, it's a life of air condition hopscotch. You go from a air conditioned home to an air conditioned car to a air conditioned store or work place. The only way to enjoy the out of doors is to be standing in pool, lake or the ocean. And even in the water you can burn your body like a perfectly done shrimp,or be stung by a jelly fish in the ocean or eaten by a alligator in a lake.

The state is filled with loads of senior citizens and that was the only thing that was ,for me a good thing, as I was refereed to many times as kid in my travels. And another thing I noticed was that if you make eye contact with strangers there are no howdy do's or how you do'ins. Back in Maine eye contact with a stranger is almost always followed by a "Era, how arr ya."(That's said with a new england accent.) But the one instance that personified my visit to Florida was a trip to the beach one day. As we were pulling away from a traffic light, a man on foot, gave us the finger as we passed him. And looking back at him in the rear view mirror, it was not just us that he greeted with the one finger salute, it was every car that passed him. Welcome to Florida.

Best of Part 4

School Dances

Best of Part 3

Our Love Will Live Forever.............Puke Bag Please

There is a Chart for Everthing...............

Best of Part 2

My Spin Instructor is Trying to Kill Me.

Pull Your Navel to Your Spine

Spin Class Passed Gas

Urine the Winners Circle

Sunday Funnies

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so,seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,

' Notice anything different about me?'

Margaret looked him over. 'Nope. '

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled,'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?''

Nope', she replied.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,

'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert, Shoulda bought a hat.'

Best of 1

A Stroll in the Park

Could This Be Your Family Album

Awkward Family Photos Slide Show

View more OpenOffice presentations from guest08a8ae.

Your Pal Bitch'in

Yesterday I had gone to the Y expecting to lead the spin class. Well to my surprise this women was there to run the class. I like this woman she is a very nice person, but she does not have a clue about how hard to push this class. We have Evil and had Hellboy Josh running the class, who after an hour you are totally finished. They both take you up to heart bursting territory and then push you a little bit more. The regulars in the class like that. We want to know that we have gotten the most bang for our buck, or in the Y's case, no bucks. Tis woman's class is like a ride in the park, and a flat park at that. And her music, when she is not using your pals tunes, it just not that good. I guess the problem is that Evil, with every class, spends a lot of time putting these classes together, there is a lot of thought and time spent to make a very good class. I guess the problem with this woman is that ERSG (Evil Republican Spin Goddess) being really good. I think someone should tell this woman to kick it up a whole lot. But not me of course. I do have to keep up this image of perfection that everyone has come to expect from your pal. And if the class see me confronting this woman ,well there goes my your pal thing. Maybe I can ask Mary to say something or better yet crazy guy. Oh well, thank goodness that this woman does not read this blog, I really think she could kick my ass.

Here is a tune that was used in class yesterday on a fast run, enjoy.

Republican's Reaching out to Minorities

What the heck is going on here. You know if I didn't know it, I would think that a bunch of the Republican politicians are a tad racist. First there was this. Sherri Goforth, an executive assistant for Tennessee State Rep. Diane Black (R-Gallatin), sent this picture out to their legislative staffers. Picture below. A prominent South Carolina GOP activist, Rusty DePass, said on his Facebook page that Michelle Obama was a gorilla. And another South Carolina Republican operative, Mike Green, apologized for a racist Tweet against President Obama himself: I just heard that Obama is going to impose a 40% tax on aspirin because it's white and it works. Or how about Newt Gingrich Tweeted that Sonia Sotomayor was a "Latina woman racist" who should withdraw her nomination. I know that these are not a majority of Republicans, but where is the outrage from other Republicans.

A Wounded Evil is a Dangerous Evil

Today a battered and bruised curly headed Evil lead the most exhausting ride I have ever done of hers. I know I have said this in the past but every time she is in some kind of distress, she kicks every ones butts with her workouts. The story of her battered body, is that she was out for a ride on Route 1 near her home, when a 18 wheeler, traveling over the speed limit, passed Evil, and with the turbulence from the truck, it literary picked her and her bike up and deposited her into a guard rail. Thankfully there was no damage to the guard rail, but Evil was quite battered. She did spend about 5 hours in the ER patching her up. Her blood alcohol levels were find so they sent her and her bent bike home too rest.

But she is a trooper, because she came in on Monday, not being up to par, and pushed everyone to there limits. And it was only 1 hour and 20 minute class, I thought I was going to die a couple of times during the workout. But I fooled them all and survived. It was a hell of a class with very good music, as is the case for all of Evils workouts. The attendees were Mary, Jim, Heidi, Wendy, the other Wendy, Crazy guy,Emily, a couple of interlopers, Paula who is sailing down to New York on Thrusady( we will miss her)and of course your pal.

We Need the Sunshine Makers

Where is the sun, I need a little sun. It has been raining for let say, what seems like, a month. My house is now surrounded by a lush rain forest like jungle. Why just yesterday I thought I spotted a Orangutan riding a moose. But who is most happy at the rainy weather, mosquitoes that's who. Yesterday morning I went out to get the paper and was covered, in seconds, with about 20 of the little blood suckers. After a quick transfusion and a complete Aveon dipping I was as good as new. It has been quite a weather pattern this last week or so and right now I need some sun. So let's all get down on our knees and repeat after me. "Oh great wise and wonderful something or someone, what the fu-k."

Where are the Sunshine Makers when you need them.

Sunday Funnies

Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"

The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".

Rain Turning to Beautiful

Yesterday I ran the spin class and it was a pretty good one if I do say so myself, and I do. But one thing that was unusual about it, was that it was full for the first time. I guess the word is spreading about your pal, and to a lesser extent whats her name, Mary. Or it could have been the 2 inches of rain we had in the morning. But what ever it was it all worked out.

In the afternoon the clouds broke and the temperature climbed into the 70's and it was one of the most beautiful days. We, my wife and I, have a standing date for dinner on Friday and because the evening was so great, decided to have a nosh at a restaurant on the harbor. With the evening light, which is beautiful here in Maine, and the moored sailboats, and the mountains in the background, it was a wonderful scene. And with the good company, it could not have been any better.

I shot the picture above of Camden harbor from Mount Battie in the fall.

Crazy Week

What a week this has been. It has just been crazy with the Red Sox winning 3 games against the Yankees.(I believe that the Boston has sold its collective souls to the devil.)Chastity Bono is having a sex change to become a man. Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Riely think that the sky is falling, caused by liberals. Miss California is striped of her title. Dave Letterman is the big story, about a bad joke. Evil Spin Republican Goddess, the queen of cycling, fell off her bike.(I think one too many shots of Jagermeister, before, during and right before she fell.) I need a little bit of serenity.

Fox News Breeding Hate

Fox news, everyday, try to tear down the president. They seem to to look at every thing the president does as negative. There are not too many pundants who are invited in to champion for the presidents side. It's almost everyone on the channel,in some way or another, but the most hatred come from Sean Hannity. An example is when the president gave a speech in Cairo. Hannity pulled a clip out and played it out of context, making it seem that the president has decided to give 9-11 sympathizers a voice on the world stage. Go here for John Stewart making it very clear.

These kinds of out of context reports are not unusually for Hannity. But what is scary is the nut jobs who believe that what ever they say at Fox news is the truth. This brings me to Shepard Smith one of the anchors on Fox. He seems to be the a beacon of truth at Fox. In the clip below it shows what the 24/7 negative spin of our president spawns. And with the killings lately by extremist in the past weeks, they could be fanning the flames of hate.

Chuck McCann Show

When I was a kid there were a couple of shows on the old Dumont that I would never miss. And one of those was the Chuck McCann show. The program usually consisted of cartoons or Laurel and Hardy shorts. But in between Chuck would come out dressed as one of these crazy character's and do a little shtick. Most of the time he interacted with puppets. The man behind most of the puppets, Paul Ashley, was a integral part of the show. I would never miss his program and thinking back now ,people like Chuck, Soupy Sales, and Sand Becker undoubtedly made these times some of the happiest times of my childhood. And probably was a big part of who I am today. And I think that is a good thing.

A Large Headed Evil

Monday spin class was run by a swollen headed Evil. It seems that Evil had a bad reaction to a permanent wave. I think she probably used something off the shelf, like a Toni Home Permanent( Which twin has the Toni?), Prom or Lilt. The story was that she got this perm and then went directly out for a bike ride. On the bike ride for some unknown reason was attacked by mosquitoes and black flys. You could say that she was sort of like a human fly paper. Well any who she had a bad reaction and her head and face began to swell up.( Picture above is at the end of the ride.) But Evil is a real trooper and she came to class and did a real good job, as she always does. The only thing that was a little strange was looking at Evil with her hat pulled down and dark glasses. It was like being taught by Greta Garbo in her "I want to be alone." stage. All in all it was a excellent class.

I Am Having My Ears Styled

I have nothing today so I am bring out one of my older posts.

As I am getting on in life my body is going through some changes. One of the cruelest is that the hair is leaping off of my head and reappearing on my ears. The balding thing you notice right away, but the ear thing it takes awhile. One day you look in the mirror and you've got this 6 foot hair sticking out from your ear. So you pluck that out, but now you are aware of it , so it becomes a part of your morning routine. Brush your teeth, wash your face and check you ears for that 4 foot hair. Some times I feel like a monkey grooming myself. Also I have become very aware of long ear hair on everyone. It's a sickness. When I see someone with dog like ear I say, to myself, have you no mirrors, have you no one to pull you aside and say "Hey Spot how about getting yourself a good ear trim." Don't wait till your birthday and your first gift is a ear comb, or wait till your wife starts rubbing you behind the ears and saying " your such a good boy, yes you are", and the next thing you know you've got a milk bone in your mouth. Act now!

Sunday Funnies

Rodney Dangerfield , he gets no respect.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west

When I was born, the doctor said to my father, " I'm sorry, we did everything we could but he still pulled thru".

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in the library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

One time I went into a hotel, I asked the bellhop to handle my bag - he felt up my wife

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo.

Another Gem

Who's the leader of the class that's made for you and me U-n-c-l-e-W-i-l-l-i-e. That's right your pal has run another spin class that will go down in spinstory. Oh I was on top of my game. I had the class sweating like a dyslexic on a countdown. And after the class some of the comment I got;

"Gee wilikers Uncle Willie you are the best.

" I know this great place… It’s in your arms. Can I go there soon?

"You smell great.

"Can I carry your baby."

Well I tells ya I was tickled pink. A few hours after class my natural color did return. It was a good class with good tunes if I do say so myself, and I do.

Here is one of the songs I used in class. It is one of my favorites by Heart.

Conservative Warning

Conservatives Warn Quick Sex Change Only Barrier Between Gays, Marriage

Mary All Hopped Up

Wednesday class was suppose to be run by Rebbecca (not of sunnybrook farms), but Mary was having none of that. She got in Rebecca's face and told her " Mary is in the house so back off b-I-bitch." Rebbecca did back down and Mary ran the class, and what a class. Mary put together a Evil/Josh kind of work out. It was a very hard workout. I don't know if it was Mary showing us all, that a mature women still has the right stuff, or if it was the 4 Red Bulls she had before breakfast. But what ever it was a sweat fest, with Mary yelling and screaming like the Evil one.

The one thing I did notice, because I do monitor all riders, was that Rebecca was not working out as hard as everyone else in class. But she is a marithon runner and a spin instructor and I would have thought that she would be the one who was working out the hardest, and not your pal. Well that's what I think any who.

All in all it was a good ride from Mary and she used one of Evil's music disk. Dede, Jim, the other Wendy, a women who's becoming a regular and I don't know her name yet and of course your pal

Something to think about.

Sam Harris is the authur of The End of Faith (Terror, and the Future of Reason).

The Return of Evil

Monday Evil was back with a vengeance. I don't think it is a good idea for her too have to many days to come up with a class. It seems that every time she has, say two weeks in between classes, she heads way over the top. This time it was a simulated hill climb followed, at the end of class, by a run down hill. It was some workout because I was sweating like Rush Limbaugh feeding himself. And one of the worst things about Evil having a week rest is that she is so dam chipper,. smiling and grinning as she tortured us all.

The class was full, there was not a bike to be had. As you know ,that is if you follow this blog, when your pal runs a class I get maybe three people. Evil always gets loads of spinners and I am wondering if she pays all those people to show up. And maybe, just maybe, she may be paying other people not to show up when I run a class. With a name like Evil she is capable of doing anything. She even settled down crazy guy, some how making him follow her instructions. Well she is the Evil one

In attendance were old Mary, Dede, Heidi, Wendy, non pregnant all fired up Carrie, Jim, Crazy guy, a couple of Evil's henchwomen, your pal and loads of interlopers. A very good ride with good tunes.

Now a tune from your pal.

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Mareeeeeee
Happy Birthday to you

Josh's Big Adventure

Last week my wife and I were suppose to have Josh (hellboy) and his sister to our home for dinner. I had talked to Josh the week before and we had set up the date. He was going to be living in Worcester Mass. for the summer, but he was coming back to the mid coast for the weekend. And that is when we were going to have dinner. The Wednesday before I call him and asked if we were still on for Friday. He said that plans had changed and he was heading to New York state to do a little rock climbing.

Last week I get a email from Josh, after which I checked his Facebook page and discovered that the boy had made a left turn, off of the New York Thruway, and ended up in Thailand. I really admire him for his wanderlust. I could not pick myself up and head off to an exotic land all by myself. I get a little nervous when I go to the next town, much less Thailand. Josh seems to be living his life with no boundary's. The world is there for the taking and he is taking all he can. The only problem I can see is his sense of direction. When you head up to New York state and end up in Thailand your sense of direction is a tad off.

If you want to follow Josh's Big Adventure go to Vagabond Thailand and read all about it.