Stupid Quote

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst.

Far-out, nifty, neat, groovy, ducky, beautiful, fabulous, super, wicked, terrif words and phrases

I was just thinking about phrases that I like but aren't appropriate to use in this day and age. For instance old timey. (I bet you thought I was going to say something like fuck ball, or shit for brains.) Or how about Pshaw. The milkman did it. Think about the starving Chinese. Bigger than a breadbox. Banned in Boston. The very idea! It's your nickel. Knee-high to a grasshopper. Turn-of-the-century. Iron Curtain. Domino theory. Third World. Fail-safe. Fiddlesticks! You look like the wreck of the Hesperus. Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers. Don't take any wooden nickels. And awa-a-ay we go!
Jingo Netti's I miss those groovy far out days.

Thanks, to all 4 of you.

Gee I want to thank all 4 of the people who voted in my poll. To get that many responses is really overwhelming,and I will keep the poll. I intend to kick it up a notch with provocative and timely questions.

Thanks again, your Pal Willie

This is a Heidi Trap

This is a trap to make Heidi from my spin class(Oh no spin class crap again)log onto this blog. I have been trying to get her to look at it, but she keeps finding reasons not too. So I am putting her Simpsonized picture on this post. That will get her here I think. Come on Heidi come a little closer that's right type http://parkersnarky.blogspot.com into your favorites, that's right now you've got it. Wow, I feel like a *Svenjolly.


*Svenjolly is from Seinfeld episode 45 "The Wallet" season 4.

ELAINE: He has this power over me, okay. I mean he has this way of manipulating every little word that I say. He's like a Svenjolly.


PS
This is to Mary. I know Heidi is misspelled in the picture, so save your comment Mrs Spell Check.

To Signal Or Not To Signal That Is The Question

I hate people that drive and don't use the signals properly. The proper distance before you make a turn is about 50 feet. But there seems to be a big problem where I am living. I won't name the state but it starts with a M and has ain in the middle and ends with an e. There are three types of signalers and they are, people that do the right thing and use their signal correctly 99 percent of the time, someone well, like me if I might say so. The second is someone that never uses his or her signal. It is usually used for organising rubberbands and scrunches. With these people they expect you to read their minds, and when you come to a tire screeching halt behind them, they look at you like you are a half bubble off plumb. The third is a person who uses their signal but it is usually when they are in the middle of their turn. What are these people thinking, " that was good enough". These also are the people who,at times, keep their signal on for 3 or 4 miles. So beware of the 2/3's of the population and please use your signals properly people. Thank you.
This has been a public service announcement.



Mario Andretti has retired from racecar driving. That's a good thing. He's getting old. He ran his entire last race with his left blinker on.

John Stewart

Fact Checkers

I think that Fox News needs these guys to work for them. Because the people they have suck. Enjoy this, it is really good.

No more pretending he is in a box

Marcel Marceau the master mime has passed away quietly at age 84. Doctors at the Paris hospital where Marceau had been admitted said, "that he kept waving his hand around and clutching his throat, but died before we could interpret that he could not breath." Wearing white face paint, soft shoes and a battered hat with a red flower he was recognized around the world.
In and interview with a BBC reporter in 1998 when asked what gift will he leave the world he said ".................................................."
And in 2006 he talked about the significance of his make up saying ".........................".
We are going to miss this master of mime.
His alter-ego Bip, when asked about the passing of Marceau, said " I really didn't know the man well, he never said a fuckin word to me, he really creeped me out."
.

Dam You Hitler!

Adolf Hitler will go down in history as one of the most evil and despised human beings of all time. But the one thing no one ever talks about, and we should all hold him responsible for is the lost forever of the Hitler mustache. Yes we could have the use of this look today if it wasn't for Mr Hitler. We could be copying the charming good looks of Charlie Chaplin
but no because of AH it is lost forever. DAM YOU HITLER!

Googling Hitler mustache provided 380,000 hits.

Stupid Quote

I won't be posting on Sunday so here is a extra. Enjoy.


"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

Warning: The Memoflex Gel Comfort Seat ( THE SEAT FROM HELL)

There is a epidemic sweeping across the land, and this is a warning. Thousands of unsuspecting people have purchased the Memoflex Gel Comfort Seat and are so comfortable that they now refusing to ever stand again. That's right you heard me right refusing to ever stand again. There is a report of a couple in So Bend Ind. that has had their legs amputated because of this so called seating euphoria.Many of the users leg are now atrophied and it is growing problem. Mrs.Betty Higinbottom said " I tyred the Memoflex for the first time in 1998 and I have not stood up since ." Mr. Cletis Snodgrass said" It is so comfortable that I am putting it in my coffin, with a product like this you don't mind dieing". All I can say is watch were you put your behind, you could be sitting in HELL.

45 in a 55...........Somebody Help Me Please!

One of things about driving in Maine is,that some people drive very very slowly,an its driving me crazy. There is a group of drivers, who have never looked in their rear view mirror. Because if they did they would see a very long parade of cars and trucks. And possibly me with steam shooting from my ears. If you want to drive 45 mph in 55 mile zone maybe you need that second cup of coffee,or your blood pressure medicine kicked up a notch. But just as bad,and maybe worst, are the people who are behind this snail like driver. In my book they have a responsibility to pass this snail like car. It's in the rules people! But no, they just sit there like it's OK that we are all doing 45 mph, nobody has to get anywhere I think. Da. So now I have to take the initiative and pass 5 cars in a row. After the pass is made I am most likely hitting about 150 mph which is a good time for the police to come along. It drives me cuckoo and not for cocoa puffs.

These people are the same ones you follow up route 1 for 30 miles, at 45 mph, till you get to the point in the road where it divides into two lanes so you can pass. Now instead of moving to the right to let you by, they stay in the left lane and proceed to break the sound barrier so you can't pass them. Then reaching the single lane again before you, they are back to the 45 mph once again. Well I could just take a big bite out of the steering wheel after that. And when they finally do turn off, they turn around and give you the finger like you've got a problem buddy. Do these people go down to the zoo and watch the turtles zoom by! I think they do.

Fox News Fair and Balanced...Bullsh- t

I had to add this today because it pisses me off so much.
Have a nice day.

NO no no,it goes this way stupid!

Oh no not another spin class story Mr. Willie.
"I'm afraid so Mary. he said with a sly smirk."
This is the definitive document on the proper way to store, or dock ,the spin cycles. Now pay attention because I will not go over it again.
1.Older type bikes first.Older bikes have a straight support. New bikes have a v.
2.First and second bikes on the far right and far left. Handle bars up.
3.Next bike in the middle, handle bars up. Now I know this is tough so concentrate please.
4.Next bike, handle bars down, between the middle and the left or right bikes it makes no difference.
5.Now do the same thing with the next bike in that row. Now if this is getting too complicated slow down, take a deep breath and relax. Guess what? That row is completed.
6.Continue on doing this row by row till all the older type bikes are in there docking position. Now this may get a little complicated so I will write slowly.
7. The new bikes, remember with the v, are to be docked now. The first one to be docked, handle bars down is placed either on the left or on the right, but it is placed per·pen·dic·u·lar to the older bikes. Wow isn't that a funny word. Perpendicular, yes it is.
The next bike is docted next in line to the first bike, this bike has it's handlebars up.
8.Alternate the bikes in this fashion till all the bikes are off the floor. I need a nap how about you? If this is not clear to some people I will print this in big letters with a crayon for them.
9.Next throw all the other crap in there. And don't forget the big giant clock.
And that is that, its done, and we had so much fun doing it.

Warning: If these rules are not followed exactly I will send Dolly over to your house to beat the crap out of you.
Have a nice day.

Lil-ism's

My friends mother lets call her Lil,is a variable cornucopia of these strange sayings, like" put a egg in your shoe an beat it". Or the equally popular "make like a tree and leave".
She has a million of these sayings,that she can throws out at the drop of a hat. I have been trying to make up a couple of these saying myself, but it's just not clicking.
Examples: You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can't pick your friend nose.
Your like ear wax on a q-tip, yellow.
See what I mean.

Parking Hogs

I would like to give a big one finger salute to all the people who park their vehicles straddling two spaces. Now I wouldn't mind if they were parked in the outer reaches of the lot, but they park right up in the prime spots. If I ever hit the lottery I will buy and old junk car and squeeze it into the space that this inconsiderate a-hole has parked. Oh it would be sweet just to watch this knucklehead try to get into his vehicle with my junk parked inches away. And while they were struggling to get in I would come out and I would laugh and then I would take a bat a start to smash there vehicle and then set fire to it and I would still be laughing and then I would stick my tongue out and do the raspberry thing and then I would say that they are double jerks and reply to them calling me names and say I know your are but what am I and then I would moon them and then get a army tank and park it on top of there vehicle and still be laughing hahahahahahaha hohohoho and then I would...............................Well, you get the picture.

Martha Stewart's Hip...."It's a good thing"

There is word on the street that Martha Stewart is having a hip replacement. So I checked into it and have found a little more information on the procedure. First of all she has decided to preform the operation on herself. This is going to save about 4 or 5 thousand dollars. She has already ordered a fine leather operation table from Italy, made of the finest Caracalla Bagaglio leather. Also on the list is a exquisite hand made set of scalpels,made by artisans from the west coast of Mexico. Lighting will be provided by Southbay. Linens for the operation room, painted in a soft pale green called First Frost , will be 400 count Egyptian cotton. Attendants will be dressed by Elie Tahari, with shoes by Prada with a sensible heel. The hip joint will be fashioned from a universal joint from a 1931 Type 41 Bugatti Royale .Plasma for the operation will be kept in a Sound Green Vase designed by Göran Wärff. The light, pulsing like sound waves, seems to vibrate as it disperses through the exquisite pink, smoke grey and green crystal. After the operation Martha will be making her very own cast out of the original manuscript of Harper Lee's TO Kill a Mockingbird and some old rags that were in her garage .

Simpsonize Yourself

Yes that's me as I would look on the Simpsons. You too can do the same by clicking on the url below............ It kinda looks like me, but I think I'm really a little more yellow.

http://www.simpsonizeme.com/#

Who sang..........................................

There is woman in my spin class, her name is Dede. This women is amazing. She knows the the words to every song ever recorded, who sang it, and who the publisher's are. I made that last one up. All you have to say to her is, what was the name of the song with the you know, about the thing. And she will give you the info, "it was the 1910 Fruit Gum Company, Yummy Yummy Yummy" in about 2 seconds. "Hey Dede, who sang the song about the monsters?" Before you can get that out of your mouth she say" you mean Monster Mash by Bobby "Boris" Pickett in 1962".She's like a friggin music computer. Plus she is is the queen of the standing surge. What a gal.

"Polly Wanna Coffin"

Alex, the world renowned African Grey parrot made famous by the ground-breaking cognition and communication research conducted by Irene Pepperberg, Ph.D., died at the age of 31 on September 6, 2007. Dr. Pepperberg’s pioneering research resulted in Alex learning elements of English speech to identify 50 different objects, 7 colors, 5 shapes, quantities up to and including 6 and a zero-like concept. The cause of death was attributed to a cracker caught in his throat.

Senility: the upside.

There is one good thing about being senile, and it is ,you can hide your own Easter eggs.

"WAR!,,,, What is it good for? Absolutly nothing!"

Every one in America should watch the HBO documentary Alive Day Memories to see the cost of this terrible war.

http://www.hbo.com/aliveday/thefilm/?ntrack_para1=feat_main_text

Memory

I started to play tennis with a bunch of guys I met at the tennis courts.We play doubles a couple of days a week. In all there are about 15 or 16 men and women that play. It has been about 3 weeks now and they all know my name, but I only know about 3 of there names. Bad memory brought on by age, the 60's, and one too many new cokes. I try to associate names with feature of there faces. But this is not working out to well. Last week I called two guy Mr.Big Nose and a third Mr Lazy Eye. It's just not working for me.

llabtooF egelloC

Congratulation to the Hokies#9 who trounced Louisiana State#2 48 to 7. Also let me give a shout out to the Maine Back Bears who shutout UConn 38 to 0. And I would also like to say a little something about President Kerry........wait a minute I think I crossed over into reverse world. .now OK I'm think I .day nice a Have

Dump Rage!

If there is one place that I go almost every week were people piss me off the most it is the recycling center, or as I refer to it,the dump. Now I would say on the whole most people follow the rules there. But there is this small band of miscreants who are marching to a different drummer. Now I, being a person that likes order, sometimes, can get it though my pea brain that these rules and regulations are put in place for a good reason. To help everyone, Joe and Jane lunch pale,and also the dump guys. But some people think that the rules don't apply to them,"oh, I'm a big cheese, these rules are just for the plebeians not for me". I tells ya I just want to smack someone. But the two things that piss me of the most are;
1.Not breaking down the cardboard.
2.Stopping in the right lane when dropping off your garbage bags to place them into the hopper, rather than waiting your turn in the left lane (the correct lane!)
Now, I know this sounds kind of nutty on my part, that this so offends me, but let me explain. About the cardboard. I spend many hours smashing and cutting boxes to recycle,sometimes cutting myself, getting paper cuts and in some cases putting my hand into some unknown goop that I don't know what or where it came from. It is disgusting. I do this because this will make life a little easier for the dump guys. Plus it is written on the dumpster . "PLEASE BREAK DOWN THE CARDBOARD. SIGNED THE DUMP GUYS." Now it can't get any plainer than that. But noooooooooo, "I don't have to break these down because I am special". I just want to point my goo encrusted, bleeding fingers and say" Shame on you, you-no-breaking-down-not-caring-about-the-dump-guys-can't-read-the-stupid-sign-asshole. I don't like you! Now I feel better.

The last problem, is that people don't pay any attention to the sign for the trash hopper that says, left lane to drop off trash, right lane thur traffic. Now what is that, a different language? These people say "Noooooooooooooooo I can't wait in the proper line because I'm in a hurry". "I have to get back to the lab,I'm working on a experiment to make puppy's less cute,or "I have no time I'm working on my genetic experiment to eliminate one cheek on the behind. I call it the a half ass experiment". While I just sit in the left lane and wait my turn like the follower of rules that I am. Secure that I am adding order to this world. Why just last week I almost got into a fist fight with a right lane person. She was just lucky that she was going to her 100th birthday party or I would have taken her walker and thrown it right into the hopper. So please people lets have order, even at the dump.

Your Breaking My Heart

OK, I have to let off a little steam, and not because I am running some gigantic steam locomotive. No it's that I keep giving out my blog address and nobody goes to check it out. That's right Mary I'm talking to people like yourself. I spend hours and hours trying to come up with something interesting for you all to ponder. I try to give you the tools so you can go into this world enlighten But no, I was too busy, I broke my leg or I was passing a kidney stone or some lame excuse. Well if you don't like to be entertained or listen to what this knucklehead has to say, well I just don't know what to do. I'll keep trying if I can, but it will be hard. So leave a comment or two just to let me know you all care. I'll leave you with the words of Albert Einstein who said on this date 50 years ago"Put and egg in your shoe and beat it".

This is Importante

Spanish word of today on Dictionary.com(http://dictionary.com)is importante, adjective: Meaning important. Now this is very importante, because I have now mastered the language of Spanish. You just add an e or and o onto the end of any Enlish words. Importante, hombre,and jello are just a few. Por que' se rie? Comprende usted?

Pavarotti

Ridgemont High

This is a little back to school clip from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Now get out of here, because I'm off to London to jam with the Stone's.

If We Can Walk and Talk and Speak To the Animals

As Rex Harrison sang this line from Doctor Doolittle, I sit here and wonder if we did act like the animals, what kind of changes will we see. Would we get acquainted with people by sniffing their butts. Then maybe we would just grab on to someones leg and go to town when we are feeling a little sexy. And how about relieving our self's when ever, or better yet, where ever we feel the need. Golly gee that would be something. And we would develop certain areas that we can do our business in. Wouldn't that be special. I bet I'm not the only one who thinks about these things. I don't think so anyway..................Hello is anybody out there? Cricket sound, cricket sound, cricket sound, cricket sound, cricket sound, cricket sound,.

Groom That Ear

As I am getting on in life my body is going through some changes. One of the cruelest is that the hair is leaping off of my head and reappearing on my ears. The balding thing you notice right away, but the ear thing it takes awhile. One day you look in the mirror and you've got this 6 foot hair sticking out from your ear. So you pluck that out, but now you are aware of it , so it becomes a part of your morning routine. Brush your teeth, wash your face and check you ears for that 4 foot hair. Some times I feel like a monkey grooming myself. Also I have become very aware of long ear hair on everyone. It's a sickness. When I see someone with dog like ear I say have you no mirrors, have you no one to pull you aside ands say "Hey Spot how about getting yourself a good ear trim".Don't wait till your birthday and your first gift is a ear comb, or wait till your wife starts rubbing you behind the ears and saying " your such a good boy, yes you are", and the next thing you know you've got a milk bone in your mouth. Act now!

Instant Poll

I was just reading a blog by Ken Levine. In it he is in an airport waiting and wondering about the surge report that will come soon from Army General David Petraeus, Defense Secretary Robert Gates, Marine General Peter Pace, retired Marine General James L. Jones, and Ryan Crocker, the US Ambassador in Baghdad. But he decided to conduct a poll of his own. He spots a group of solders returning from Iraq who were boarding a flight,and asked them what it was like to be in Iraq? The all said "Bad". Then he asked when they thought they will be home? They said when a "Democrat is elected". From their mouth to Gods ears.

http://www.blogger.com/www.huffingtonpost.com/ken-levine/my-report-on-iraq_b_62883.html